Be prepared this is a woe is me blog!
My family and I have been on quite the rollercoaster ride for the past 3yrs with job losses after job losses. We were preparing to sell our home this month and low and behold my husband gets a job. He's had a job for the last 1.5yrs but it hasn't been enough. We have gone through all of our savings, CD's, Life Insurance, 401k's, Roth's, and our kids savings-thank you God for having those things...otherwise we'd be on the streets. So needless to say while feeling like our life is slipping away my weight loss has also slipped away.
When I first started on my journey this whole job loss thing was new and I was POSITIVE we had enough to be ok, for a bit...not 3yrs of this! So I was able to focus hard on losing...and I was focused! Lost 40 lbs in 5months. Then I was so thrilled and proud of myself I began living and not focusing on it as much. Then our money started to run out and we began selling our furniture and anything else we could do. I started cleaning houses and business's more and watching children during the day and making cake's at night. That is when stress got to me. I have completely fallen back into VERY BAD habits. I feel like such a fraud! So many people were looking up to me and the success I had and now I have added 20 pounds back on and I feel like I am completely spinning out of control. I am ashamed! I don't want to see family or friends b/c I am so afraid to be called a hypocrite. For almost a year I was conscious of every bite I put in my mouth and tried burning as much as possible. My life revolved around diet and exercise. Now, I have no time to work out no money to buy good healthy food and no energy / will power left. You would think after my hubby getting a better job last week that my momentum would totally turn around, but it is completely the opposite...I feel defeated!
I remember how awesome I felt, oh how I want that back. Is it dumb to say, I don't know how to start up again? Cause, I feel that way. I know these are all excuses, b/c I could totally find the time like wake up at 5-6am and exercise...a lot of people do this. Eat less! I used to do that! I am feeling really bummed about letting myself go. I will be seeing my sister who began her weight loss journey the same time I did, but she did it doing WW and ABSOLUTELY no exercise. While I THOUGHT I was doing it the right way, eating right and exercising...but who lost 55lbs and have kept it off(she did) while I am gaining my 40 pounds back...ok fine only 20 but feels like 40!!! I need a good swift kick in the arse!
So that is where I am right now. My schedule is never the same weekly b/c of watching other kids and cleaning 4 different family's homes and business's, and making a cake about every other week. I am very blessed to have all those money making opportunities, and I thank God everyday...but I want to take care of myself better-so badly! I know you all are probably screaming at me and saying "THEN JUST DO IT!" Gulp!!!
Sorry for the sap session, I guess I needed to voice it. Ok so there it is, time to make some changes. I am conscious of everything I eat starting tomorrow morning! I will focus on being btwn 1200-1550. No more cheat days, b/c it has turned into a cheat year...and that is not cool! It is destroying me. When I can exercise I will...I love it and I want it. Consistency is key no matter how long it takes! Go me! You've had it in you once you can do it again-even better!
Thanks for listening!
Let me end in a better note, here are some fun family Easter photos! Enjoy!