Motivation? What motivation?
Sunday, April 18, 2010
I spent most of this afternoon going through clothes. I started with three boxes (!) of size 14s and larges, plus a few stray 12s and mediums, that I haven't been able to wear in over a year. I've almost worked my way through them all and the majority of them fit. I have one medium box of clothes that almost fit or will need to sit for a little while longer. There's no room for most of these clothes in my closet and drawers, so I'll have to make room by weeding out things that are now too big. I ship this stuff to my mom, who is also using SparkPeople and has already lost 14 pounds. She started bigger than I am, so she fits into my old 16s quite nicely now. I had one box almost full; I think I'll have 2 ready for her by the end of the afternoon.
So I should be ecstatic, right?
Somehow, no. Instead I'm berating myself for not working harder and feeling guilty and blue. (DH is not home, or he'd have put a stop to this already. And yes, I'm incredibly grateful to have such a wonderful and supportive spouse.) But I do have a point: I have not been working as hard as I should have. And I know it. Miraculously I'm still losing circumference but I gained a pound last week. I'm afraid to step on the scale tomorrow - yesterday was Spanish Night at my boss's and tonight DH and I are supposed to go out for a super fancy dinner for his birthday.
Yes, I know all the tips and tricks of how to go to a party and/or eat out and still stick to my plan. But I totally ignored it last night; the Spanish food was just too tempting. (My boss lived in Madrid for three years, is a great cook, and lives near an European food market. How do you say no? Especially because he's my BOSS...)
I have not been to the gym lately. And I haven't even been that good about SparkPeople tracking, which is highly unusual for me. I've also slid a bit on the nutrition. Everyone goes through this, and like everyone else I have the same old excuses. Work has been absolutely insane. The house is a disaster area since I haven't had the energy to clean due to the aforementioned work situation. I tell myself I don't have time for the gym, which is stupid because I get 3 hours on the clock every week for the gym. Eating right and getting 8 hours of sleep and 8 glasses a water a day is the only thing keeping me going. But it's just not enough. I want the scale to move and I want to feel about myself. It isn't, and I don't. And I feel awful about it.
So what to do? Being largely of Prussian descent, I tend to just push through on sheer willpower. But that ain't workin' anymore; it seems to take all of my willpower and organization skills just to get through the day let alone focus on the big picture. The usual motivators for me - smaller clothes, comments from coworkers, etc., aren't working. Not even new photos, which for me a very big thing; it's about the only time I'm objective about what I look like. (I blogged about this previously.)
How do I get that motivation and willpower back? This is a very tough question for me. Just blogging about it makes me feel better, calmer. And I think I might have some ideas.
1. Let myself off the hook for backsliding the past week or so. What's done is done and it can't be changed.
2. Plan ahead. Plan meals on Sundays for the whole week and put together my food for work (breakfast, lunch, and snack - I work 10 hour days) the night before.
3. Focus on what I need to do every day, one day at a time. No more and no less.
4. GET MY BUTT TO THE GYM. NO EXCUSES.
5. Keep it simple. Don't add new steps to the plan or unnecessarily complicate things.
6. Celebrate internally every time I put on new clothes or smaller old clothes.
7. Savor progress and reward myself for it.
Okay, good plan. Now comes the hard part: executing it. I know that if I don't do it, I'll backslide and gain weight again. (I've been here before.) I've sworn to myself so many times that this time it's different because it's a permanent lifestyle change, not a diet. So here's where the rubber meets the road. This is my chance to prove to myself that this is permanent and real.
Wish me luck!