Struggling to find the right word

Sunday, May 02, 2010

A few weeks ago, I blogged that my focus was gone. I tied the loss of focus in large part to the fact that I'd moved out of my house for 7 weeks for a family whose 10-year son was getting radiation therapy at Mass General Hospital. It was harder than I expected. I looked forward to the day I'd be back in my house, back in control over this part of my life. I felt a little better after I blogged. That's what I hope I'll get with this blog too.

Because when I arrived back in my house, they'd made almost no effort to clean it. It appeared the vacuum hadn't been run. Clean laundry was wadded up at the foot of the bed. It was clear the bathrooms hadn't been cleaned (sorry for the graphic nature of this--I had to deal with wiping up their dripped urine from under the toilet seat). The fridge has sticky messes on the shelves.

For some event, this lack of regard for me has rocked me to the core. There's the basic fact that I gave up my house. I asked nothing in return. I looked the other way when I saw them leaving lights on and damaging my house. But what really gets me is that I killed myself to give them a clean house. I am an atrocious housekeeper. My house is always messy and dirty. To get it ready for them, I gave up many additional hours of my life to declutter, clean and organize.

So was there even a note? "Margie, we ran out of time. SO SORRY we didn't finish cleaning your house." Or a phone call saying the same? NO! Over the course of their stay I got a few slices of pizza, a bunch of flowers for my birthday, a couple of statements of thanks and an offer to pay my utility bill for an added cost resulting from their stay.

So these are a few of the words that are running through my head:
Fat--I'm having trouble not blaming them in part for the 10 lbs I've put on in the past 7 weeks (though of course it's only my own fault)
And yes, Selfish. I know I've been wronged by any measure, but at the same time I'm feeling bad that I'm so hung up on this little thing when they're struggling to support their family of 6 and a son with lifelong health problems.

I'm giving myself until Monday to get over this. Hopefully writing it down will be a big step forward! And by Monday, I hope a sense of control will be making a good return.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Yes, you have gotten a lot of good advice here.

    It hurts when our fellow human being disappoints us. I mean, it's not like you were expecting anything in return for your kind, generous gesture. But then they didn't even have the common decency to respect your home.... I don't know how people can think this is OK, but I do understand and validate your feelings.

    But what can you do now? Dwelling on it does no good; I know because I dwell on things of this nature quite often. It servers no purpose but only to bring you down.

    I liked the suggestion of splurging on a professional housecleaning for $75. Even if someone came in a did just the basics: floors, bathroom, kitchen, and you did the rest, it would be a real treat.

    I hope you can resolve and reconcile and move forward soon.
    4063 days ago
    You got some good advice here...and I agree with every bit of it.
    4064 days ago
    Thanks for your nice comments, ladies. Blogging about it, reading your replies, and starting to focus on what will make me feel better rather than dwelling on what will only bring me down farther is helping a lot.

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    4064 days ago
    So put away the whip with the "selfish" thing. OK? Just because these folks have a sick son does not mean they are not a-holes. What you did was noble and compassionate and the pissy toilet does not lessen your gift. Sounds like you have already tackled the clean up and you don't need to call in a cleaning person to help. I would not have waited either. I would have cleaned the place like it had never ever been cleaned before. I would be there with El if I could. And after I cleaned up the house I would have sat you down and insisted that you get the most wonderful reward you could think of because you deserve to be cherished and coddled and made to feel renewed. Oh and the 10 lbs? Sounds like that is a gift too because it is a message to you about your own needs and requirements as a deserving human being. I like the teachings of the Taoists who say that one's own body and life must come first. If we do not take care of our own bodies and wellbeing we will not be able to contribute others that we care about or to society as a whole. Your experience has reminded me that we all have legitimate needs that support our efforts to be well. There is something about the imagery of your house full of sloppy strangers that reminds me of stuffing ourselves with unwholesome yukky food. And there is also something really energizing about the imagery of you cleaning up your house, your act, letting fresh clean air flow in.
    PS don't forget that reward.
    4064 days ago
    Some people are just thoughtless and inconsiderate. They probably have a lot on their minds, but I don't mean to defend their behavior. I am also not the best housekeeper when it comes to my own home, except when company is coming and then I fly around like a tornado making things look acceptable. But when it comes to being guest at someone else's home, I bend over backwards to leave things the way I found them, or better. I know you are just blown away by the lack of consideration and appreciation in light of your huge sacrifice and show of generosity,,,,but you are only hurting yourself more by dwelling in negativity. Try to move on, put it behind you, and don't let it put a dark cloud over your heart.
    4064 days ago
    Well...the way I see have two can either clean up and move forward or fester and seethe. I'd rather you do the former than the latter, not healthy. What you did, opening up your heart and home, was HUGE. It's unfortunate that things weren't left in better shape...but I think you just have to chalk it up to a learning experience sweetheart and move forward. If I were there I'd help you clean up!!!
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    4064 days ago
  • 250STRONG
    LL gives great advice! Sorry about their lack of regard for your home. I think you have every right to be pissed about it and then let it go.
    4064 days ago
    Ugh! That stinks. I suppose you can rationalize some part of it, by remembering that they are going through hell with their son. But I DO think a note or some effort would have been in order and that was thoughtless of them. I suppose it's an unfortunate lesson learned!

    Can you afford to hire someone to come in just once and do a cleaning of your house? For 75 bucks or so you could get a clean sweep of them outta there and be ready to move on... both physically and mentally.

    You've had a lot of bumps in the road recently. I can't imagine trying to stay on track living in someone else's house. You're in your own space again (even as you struggle to rid it of their DNA). And spring's here and hopefully that will help bring a smile to your face, some miles in the saddle, and some new focus!
    4064 days ago
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