9 Months Clean Blew Up in My Mouth!!!

Friday, May 07, 2010

Hi my SparkPeople! I rededicated myself to my quest for a healthier lifestyle and a lower body weight at the end of July 2009. The 2 things that I had to give up completely were Pepsis and honeybuns b/c they were and still are my addictions. I was eating 2 or 3 honeybuns a day and drinking at least a 20 oz. Pepsi per day. I stopped going to gas stations b/c that's where I always fell weak and bought them. Well, this morning I stopped by the gas station and bought a honeybun and a grape soda. I ate the whole honeybun & I drank half of the soda.

I knew that I was messing up and I still did it. Why did I do this? I hadn't eaten a honeybun since late July 2009, 9 months ago. I can't go back down this road. I've come too far. I must stop this now before one honeybun becomes 2 then 3 then back to a daily habit. I'm disappointed in myself. My whole mindset has been off for a couple of weeks now which lead me to this breaking point. I have got to get back on the wagon! I haven't been exercising as much as I should. I've been eating out much more than I should. It's like I'm sabotaging myself. Oddly enough, my weight is still coming down slowly. It's like I'm being given a break but I know that unless I do what I need to do, I'll start to gain the weight back and then I'll get depressed then I'll be right back at square 1. NO WAY!

There's a 5K next weekend and I'm signing up for it. Though I haven't been training like I had in the past, I'm going to do it. If my time is slower, that's okay, at least I will be back in the game. Also, now that I'm out of college for the summer, I have more free time. I will get a plan of action together for exercise right after work. I know what to do and I'll do it! Damn those blasted honeybuns! They won't beat me!

So here I am...I fell down but I'm getting right back up! Your support is really needed right now. Thanks SP friends.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Hang in there, I know what you are going through I've been there and I failed. just want to let you know that you encourage me. You have already lost 45lbs, so you can do it.
    Maby you need to fit a sweet into your calories for the day once in a while. One way you can do that is to eat some protein first which will help you stay with the serving size(and that honey bun from the gas station is I'm sure about 2 servings) and then drink a glass of water after to get the sweet taste out of your mouth. This should take care of your sweet craving without destroying the rest of your day.
    4050 days ago
  • NEECHEE144
    Hi Girl

    Careful with the word choices.."should" or "shouldn't" those are words that set up for judgements. When I am in judgement of myself all the negatives feeling coming flooding in which fuels the negative actions and choices I make.

    Forgiveness and unconditional love are the tools we need to do this journey. Yes you ate the honeybun...and yes you are still on the journey of self discovery. Remember its all about progress not perfection.

    Take Care
    4051 days ago
    sometimes you need to give yourself a little wiggle room. Peanut butter cups are my weaknesses.
    4053 days ago
    Take it from don't want to go down that road...been there and now I starting back at square's not fun and I'm just coming back out of my "funk" I've been in for I don't know how long...get it back together...I was just looking at your pictures and saying how much of a great job you are doing...honeybuns are not worth it!!
    4054 days ago
  • QUANNA76
    We fall down but we get up. So know that you have my support. emoticon
    4058 days ago
    girl... your human. We all mess up, we all make mistakes and we all definately make bad choices. This is a learning process. No need to kick yourself for slipping just get up brush yourself off and keep on moving. Let the past be the past tomorrow is another day and another day to make better choices ;-) You're awesome and you will be just fine. emoticon Good luck with your 5k I so wish I could have done mine but no exercise for 8 weeks so i'll probably need your shoulder for support. Be strong my friend and be of good courage.
    4059 days ago
    I've been having the same kind of issues, so I know what you're going through. I felt really down when I had that first burger and fries after avoiding it for weeks. I didn't even make it 3 months. It's a very disappointing feeling, like you won't ever be able to keep this weight off. But, here's the bright side, you only had one honeybun. The devil is in not making it a daily or even several times weekly habit. One slip won't derail your progress. We're here with you. Feel better. emoticon
    4059 days ago
    I've found that giving myself the okay to have my favorite treat (in moderation) is key to sticking to my overall fitness goals. The hard part is believing in yourself that if you say you're going to allow yourself one treat a week, you stick to that goal.

    I know it's hard to train yourself to stop after just one when you have a compulsive personality, but it's part of healing and teaching yourself that its perfectly okay to eat right 80% of the time and allow 20% in rewards and treats.

    It may not work for everyone this way but I can say from experience that I used to have the same mentality... the all or nothing approach and in the long run, if we can't condition ourselves to allow for the little happinesses in life, what's the point ?

    This weight loss/fitness journey is supposed to be fun! It's okay to allow yourself a honey bun sometimes. And sometimes, it's just the motivation you need to push yourself on the days when you've decided eating one is not allowed. If you know your treat is just around the corner, you may push yourself harder in an effort to feel like you truly deserve it!

    Good luck to you with whichever way you go. I will be rooting for you!!

    4059 days ago
  • KITKA82
    I think you are doing a great job at getting refocused. It's amazing to me that you were able to give up honeybuns and Pepsi for 9 months! And even when you had some, you only ate one honeybun instead of 2 or 3, and drank half a Pepsi! I think that's progress right there! That said, maybe you can find a healthier snack that tastes similar and leaves you satisfied. For instance, I LOVE ice cream and used to eat it every other day. Now, I can satisfy that craving with fat free fro-yo, greek yogurt with honey, or even a small glass of chocolate milk.

    4059 days ago
    I've been where you were many times, with the self-sabotaging, so I know what you're feeling, and I hadn't had nearly the success that you've had up to this point. And that's actually what has always caused me to "fall off the wagon", as they say. But you have proven to yourself how strong of a woman you coming so far on your journey to lose the weight. You're already a success story...just think back on all that you've accomplished, and don't let one honeybun and 1/2 soda take that away from ARE human, just like the rest of us. Just as long as you do what you said ("I fell down but I'm getting right back up!"), you will be just FINE!! :-)
    4059 days ago
    I am going to give you the same advice that you would give any of us - don't beat yourself up over one small mistake, just get back on the wagon now. Celebrate the fact that you only had ONE honeybun, and only HALF of that grape soda - that is a testament to the progress you have made!
    4059 days ago
    What happened a couple of weeks ago that has triggered this fall from your program. That is when it started. Look at it. To pull it back up, force yourself with all the strength you have to stay clean on your program. You have the stength to face the demons within which is where all problems lie.

    It could simply have been too much success and you needed self-punishment? It could have been a combination.

    4059 days ago
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