Cloak of Invisibility
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Sometimes I think I wear a fat suit as a cloak of invisibility. No one checks out the fat woman. I wonder if that's why I've let myself backslide to where I'm 13 lbs heavier than my lowest weight the beginning of March. Or, is it I don't feel I deserve to look and feel better? What evil little demon is in my psyche that makes me risk my health and makes me feel like such a failure? I have no one but myself to blame for this - I tell myself I'm too busy getting the housework caught up (not done yet!), too busy getting all the flower beds ready for plants (not done yet, but almost), getting my raised beds in with the vegetables I'm planting (now that's done!) to go to the gym, but those are just excuses. Just like the temptation of my family saying "Let's go out to eat" has become my excuse of why I'm not eating right. I was faithfully logging my food and exercise, and everything was working fine, but then, wham, some switch in my head was clicked, and I let everything slide. I can't even pinpoint why I did this to myself - I like wearing size 10 jeans (they are too tight to button today - the 12's are even a little snug), I like shopping for size medium or small tops, I don't like the way my work slacks fit right now, so why am I sabotaging myself?
Today, May 20, all that is changing! I'm up and plan to go for a 30 minute walk/jog before tackling the weeds in the front flower bed. I ate Kashi cereal for breakfast with non-fat milk, and I will eat a healthy lunch, and pack a healthy supper for work. I will faithfully log every morsel that I eat, and I will exercise daily again. Just because I don't feel I have the time to drive the 8 miles each way to get to the gym doesn't mean I can't exercise! I have dumbells, I can take a walk, I have access to the fitness videos on this site, no more excuses!
I realize now that even though I thought I didn't need to log in here every day, I do! I need that accountability of logging my food and exercise. And, I need to update my goals and visualize how much better I'll feel when I'm finally at goal! I will do this!!