60,000-79,999 SparkPoints 67,433

ogres have layers

Thursday, May 27, 2010

I would post a Shrek picture here, but I'm not that savvy and frankly, I'm having time management issues anyway ---- which leads to one of the layers:

I have waisted time lately which has uncovered a layer. Yesterday I briefly saw a guy who owes me an apology which no one thinks he will deliver. He bullied me, so I exposed his bully behavior. He's not about to stop bullying. I didn't get to sleep last night imagining the next bully encounter ---- and that pattern comes from childhood. The pattern of getting stuck in a thought pattern and losing time -- whether it seems to be a pleasant or unpleasant imagined interaction comes from the dysfunction, intimidations and abuses experienced in childhood. I have successfully shelved this history, but here's one of the layers. After the last upset with a funeral, this thinking style has re-emerged. I have a few tricks in my bag for retraining my brain. I've already used a couple of theme this morning. There is no reason to give my power over to someone else. There is no reason to sacrifice my goals for another person's personality quirks. (psst, I'm not really afraid of his bullying, but it has made certain aspects of my life more uncomfortable. This is due to the nature of where our life paths' cross)

So, I see now that my program needs to have another aspect of strength training is for my brain. I need to love my ogre through this fixated pattern and back into real life effort and see it through to the results.

I recognized the need to express this on SP as a way to interrupt the pattern. I have put off activities whether exercise or home care or music or whatever the goal is, to stay in a thought space, suspended by that old pattern. So this is my kicking my head right out of that space. I am owning that reaction so that I clear the space to train myself out of it (again). Each time I do this, it gets easier to recognize it and redirect.

I know I haven't worked hard enough on changing my weight, size, and fitness. I am not using my upsets as a reason for delay on that progress. I'm gonna go for crawling towards being true to my goals, if that's what it takes to be consistent.

Thanks for hearing me rant on myself.
Share This Post With Others
Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Crawl if you must, we've all done it. Just keep moving and u will get there!
    3997 days ago
    Rant on - woo hoo! Re-wiring takes work and you're definitely in the "will do" and in the know.

    Thanks for shining a light on "the way".

    4003 days ago
    You are stronger than you realize! emoticon
    4003 days ago
  • Add Your Comment to the Blog Post

    Log in to post a comment

    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.

More Blogs by STRINGS58