MALCONTENTION

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Taking off the blinders

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

I've been using my scale for more than 10 years. It's a dial scale with the image of a tape measure scrolling across it. I got it as a free gift from American Express. It's served me well, noting when I was at my heaviest and my lowest and points in between.

I've know for a while now that my trusty scale is not accurate. I dared to step on a digital scale at a hotel and at my mother's house once each, and the readings were higher than my scale's. I told myself those readings were anomalies, but I knew inside that my scale was wrong. For months I practiced this denial.

Earlier this year when I reached my lowest weight ever in adulthood and was on track to reach my goal, I set a reward. When I reached my goal weight, I would buy a new, accurate, digital scale. Because at my goal weight I could handle being up a few pounds. Since my goal weight was so darned close, I even bought that scale. And let it sit unopened for 3 months. Because I gained more than 10 pounds in 3 months and couldn't bear knowing that I was even heavier than I feared I was.

Last night I opened that scale up. This morning, I stepped on it.

I did this because I feel good about myself. The scale, after all, is a tool for gauging my relative progress. I don't want to let it define me. I do have a specific goal weight I'm hoping to achieve. But I don't want to associate my sense of success or failure with what that number is. I'd rather gauge it by how strong I feel, by how I look in and out of my clothes, by the definition in my arms, abs and legs, by the good feeling I get when I'm eating well.

So at this point you're probably at the edge of your seat. WHAT DID THE SCALE SAY??? Its reading was indeed higher than my old one's--by 2 pounds. It read 140.0, putting me back over my "fat ceiling." I expected no less and was a little relieved it wasn't worse.

This morning I'll readjust my ticker here. And I'll move on and down.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • 250STRONG
    Great attitude about the whole thing!
    4007 days ago
  • TELERIE
    Haha, MM made me laugh as well! Ah, how we decieve ourselves. Keep on measuring all kinds of stuff, not just the weight. It's one number among many! Great blog!
    4007 days ago
  • QUEENOTHEFOREST
    emoticon

    That old scale has personality. Thanks for the giggle
    4008 days ago
  • ERIN1022
    Hahaha at MM! Good for you for not letting the scale change how you feel about yourself!
    4009 days ago
  • LESS_IS_MO
    Congrats on getting on the scale and on how good you feel! With your attitude, you are flying!
    I am probably 5 lbs above that feeling good weight, but I am ready to put in the work to get there (on a bit of a streak, but keep it shushed, I don't want to jinx it).

    LOL at Marchmaid!
    4009 days ago
  • BOOTS
    MM made me LOL! We put way too much emphasis on that number. I like your blog!
    4009 days ago
  • LAB-LOVER
    Marchmaid made me LOL. I bought a new scale recently that measures in .2 of a pound, not just my old .5 of a pound. I told myself that I was losing more slowly and needed the motivational benefit of the smaller increments.

    Ah the scale games we play with ourselves!

    Happy Weighing!
    4009 days ago
  • no profile photo CD4749243
    I'm into denial myself. Please send me your old scale. emoticon
    4009 days ago
  • JESPAH
    Isn't it funny how we kid ourselves over such things? If it were something more abstract -- e. g. I weigh as much as three male wild turkeys or whatever -- I think we would be a tad less obsessive. Less accurate, too, but ya can't have everything.

    Here's to full sight and full disclosure.
    4010 days ago
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