Desperately seeking normalcy

Tuesday, October 05, 2010

For the past 2-1/2 years I’ve managed to stay within the “Normal” range on the Body Mass Index chart. Today, I’m just two pounds from being overweight again.

I swore I wouldn’t go back there. I don’t want to go back there. I just want to be normal.

I only have myself to blame, of course. I let myself go last spring and continued to let myself slip over the summer, keeping up with my exercise but eating way too much. That exercise is the only reason I’m not overweight already.

Then 5 weeks ago my world was rocked when my mother was diagnosed with lung cancer. It’s extremely serious. My main focus in life right now is being there for her.

As if that weren’t enough, I’ve had a big blow on the work front. I’m a reluctant worker under the best of circumstances. When I told my boss my mom was sick, she said I should do whatever I needed to do on the personal front and that would be ok. I took that to heart and knew that my boss would be there to pick up my slack. She’s AWESOME and has always been there to do the heavy lifting that I didn’t want to deal with. Two weeks ago she announced she would be moving and leaving her role with our organization. Selfish me sat there listening to her tell me this screaming “NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!” inside my head. I have a big project at work it’s time to deliver on. And I’m working with a PITA 20-something young man who is driving me crazy.


So I’m working on a plan for coping with what life has delivered to me so that it doesn’t become intolerable and so I can stay at a normal weight.

I need to view food normally again. It is calories that sustain me, not a comfort for my woes.
I need to define a new normal exercise schedule for myself so I can be sure to fit it in. This will probably mean exercising in the morning instead of at night. UGH! But I just need to suck it up.
I need to let go of stupid sh*t at work. IT DOES NOT MATTER and it’s a stressor I don’t want in my life. I welcome any and all suggestions (esp. in-the-moment coping techniques) for how to just let go on this front.

Wish me luck!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I can completely relate to this post. I'm going to tell you that ... being there for your mother during her diagnosis and treatment is quite possibly one of the most important things you can do in your [and her] life. But while your brainparts are probably all over the place with that news and work and every other stress life has to offer, you need to take care of YOU so you can take care of everything else.
    Try to focus first on stress relief...then the health benefits acquired from exercise and eating right....then prioritize your battles and grab those ba$tards by the horns, girl. I've seen digits on my scale that I swore I'd never see again here lately ...but I'm not about to beat myself up about it...I'm just going to get back to what works for me and take it all in stride...I prescribe that you do the very same, angel. Know that we are here for you when you fancy word barfing.
    3907 days ago
    I know it feels like the walls are crashing down around you. I like to make daily lists...plan things as much as possible. It helps me stay focused. I know what I need to accomplish in a day. If I don't get it all goes to the top of the list the next day.
    3908 days ago
    First of all (and second and third too) I am so glad to hear from you and so glad you wrote this. You are dealing with two of the toughest life issues that any of us ever face. And both of them have conflicting requirements to get through.

    Besides exercise and nutrition that you obviously know and practice more than most of us there are a couple of in the moment things I do for myself. I listen to or read Steven Mitchell's translation of the Tao Te Ching. It's a nature based, 3,000 year old self help manual. (Oh dear, I have probably offended 3,000 years worth of philosophers). I am not not not a religious person or a person of faith but I do say the Serenity Prayer. It is a very short poem that interrupts my brain's suffering, has a healthy message and gives me literally a moment of relief from grief, anger, sadness, frustration. I can't have two messages going at the same time in my head.

    My thoughts are with you my friend.

    3908 days ago
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    Hey, kiddo, take it easy. Remember that even a walk to calm your nerves is exercise. You don't have to kill yourself by adding more stress, but you know darn well that some physical movement will make you feel better and decrease the stress. Do what you can. Be there for your mom. You'll never regret that and you don't want to have to regret it. But take care of yourself, too.

    Hang in there. BTW what's PITA? Hope you work out the work situation with the 20 something.

    emoticon emoticon
    3909 days ago
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