Desperately seeking normalcy
Tuesday, October 05, 2010
For the past 2-1/2 years I’ve managed to stay within the “Normal” range on the Body Mass Index chart. Today, I’m just two pounds from being overweight again.
I swore I wouldn’t go back there. I don’t want to go back there. I just want to be normal.
I only have myself to blame, of course. I let myself go last spring and continued to let myself slip over the summer, keeping up with my exercise but eating way too much. That exercise is the only reason I’m not overweight already.
Then 5 weeks ago my world was rocked when my mother was diagnosed with lung cancer. It’s extremely serious. My main focus in life right now is being there for her.
As if that weren’t enough, I’ve had a big blow on the work front. I’m a reluctant worker under the best of circumstances. When I told my boss my mom was sick, she said I should do whatever I needed to do on the personal front and that would be ok. I took that to heart and knew that my boss would be there to pick up my slack. She’s AWESOME and has always been there to do the heavy lifting that I didn’t want to deal with. Two weeks ago she announced she would be moving and leaving her role with our organization. Selfish me sat there listening to her tell me this screaming “NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!” inside my head. I have a big project at work it’s time to deliver on. And I’m working with a PITA 20-something young man who is driving me crazy.
I JUST WANT TO BE NORMAL!!!
So I’m working on a plan for coping with what life has delivered to me so that it doesn’t become intolerable and so I can stay at a normal weight.
I need to view food normally again. It is calories that sustain me, not a comfort for my woes.
I need to define a new normal exercise schedule for myself so I can be sure to fit it in. This will probably mean exercising in the morning instead of at night. UGH! But I just need to suck it up.
I need to let go of stupid sh*t at work. IT DOES NOT MATTER and it’s a stressor I don’t want in my life. I welcome any and all suggestions (esp. in-the-moment coping techniques) for how to just let go on this front.
Wish me luck!