I don't need a babysitter!!
Thursday, November 04, 2010
One of the things I've tried during this Spark project of lifestyle change is telling people around me that I'm working on taking better care of myself and trying to get to a healthier weight. For me, accountability is an important part of this process. HOWEVER, and that's in all caps because it's a big however, I have been flummoxed and frustrated and even hurt by some of the things people who are allegedly "helping" me have said to me. These include:
"I've been watching what you eat and it doesn't really seem like you are dieting."
"I saw that cookie you ate. Is that part of Operation ReBar?" (Operation ReBar is the name of my lifestyle change project. I named it so I would own it and learn to love it.)
"You should probably be working out more/eating fewer calories/name the thing I'm not doing right if you're really serious about losing weight."
Really? The last time I checked, I'm human and that means imperfect. Occasionally, I eat a cookie - but just one! That's major progress over the scarfing and snarfing I used to do. Also - I'm eating it in public instead of hiding in my house, which is also a huge step in the right direction.
To me, there's a big difference between providing support and help with accountability versus snarky comments that suggest you need a babysitter in order to manage your life.
Another issue I'm having relates to declining invitations to happy hours and meals out. Several of my friends are irritated with me when I don't attend these events because I'm not sure I'll have the willpower to abstain or make good choices. (I'm having my food delivered so I really try to eat at home as much as possible. That way I have a better handle on how many calories I've consumed in a day rather than trying to guess what's in restaurant food. I've also sworn off alcoholic beverages for the duration of my weight loss.) It is extraordinarily difficult for me to go to social events that revolve around food right now - especially because many of my friends appear to be naturally thin despite their abilities to imbibe large quantities of alcohol and food without gaining an ounce. I don't have that magical skill, so I am just staying away. I've tried asking to schedule activities to do together that don't involve food, like going for a walk or even meeting for coffee (low-risk activity for me - I'm fine with a 12-oz. nonfat beverage). While some of my friends have been game, I'm getting a lot of pushback from some who just want me to be the old Jennifer.
Is anyone else out there in Sparkland struggling with these kinds of issues? I'd sure like to know if you have any advice for how to handle this nonsense.