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Alright! That's just about Enough..

Saturday, November 13, 2010

Pity-party over. No really, it IS. I've moved on to p*ssed. I'm ticked to the extreme, and that's usually when things start happening. I know, right? Took me long enough.

Have I been eating the best I could the last week or two?
No. I've been dillydallying about, eating at the high end of my range, even over.

Have I been putting in the effort and time to be fit and combat the change in habits?
No. I've been active, but not as active as I could be. Hello, Strength Training anyone??

Have I made ANY adjustments at ALL for quitting smoking?
No. Pffft.

Then shut the *bleep* up and move on d*mnit!

I get a little cussy when I get ticked to the extreme.

So yea, I'm up to 239.2 this morning. Whatever. It's a number. It's not the end-all, be-all. That sucker will change again tomorrow, and I'll deal with it. I was going to whine and moan s'more, but I checked SP to see how many calories whining burns and guess what? It doesn't!

Instead, I dressed up in layers, checked the hourly forecast for Portland, tied on my runners, and went to the golf course to run the trail. Yea, it's more of a slow jog walk thing, but I'm calling it running because it's MY version of running.

The trail is usually pretty busy, even on drizzly days like today, so while Bill drove us there (yes, he went with) I mentally went through all the things people might think about me when they saw me running.

"Whoa! Fatty, you better run."
You're right, I better, and I am. Stuff it.

"Good for you for trying."
Yep, I'm trying, and I'm succeeding.
(One lady ran by me, going the other way, and gave me this big smile, and I grinned back at her. I swear she was saying "you GO girl!" and it felt good)

"Dude! Look at the junk in her trunk. It's more like an overstuffed full-sized pickup bed."
Blow it out your ear, buster.

"What's that on her head?"
It's my toboggan and it makes me happy, d*mnit, leave me alone!

I've had it with the little voice in my head that's trying to defeat me or talk me into returning to slug-like life. I've decided to consider that voice as the voice of Fat. We had a slight disagreement this morning.

"You look ridiculous."
Me? I look ridiculous? Really?

And what, you look super-fly, jiggling around on my *ss and my gut? Step off jack, you're through here.

Told you I've been feeling like Sybil lately.

I haven't been on the trail in.. must be a month now. I've missed it. You can go clockwise or counter-clockwise. We usually go counter-clockwise, to avoid starting out up the big long hill. This morning, I wanted that big long hill.

I NEEDED that big long hill.

Just like losing weight, taking a while to actually SEE the results of my efforts, I needed to FEEL the results of quitting smoking Nov. 1. I felt it this morning.


I motored up that hill like nobody's business. Yea, I was winded when I got to the top, but I didn't feel like I was going to fall over and pass out. I felt GOOD. It was worth it!

I did my run. C25K W5D1. I ran the first 5 min. run completely. After that, I probably made it through 3-4 mins. of each 5 min. run, but kept on going, kept on trying. So what if I didn't run every step of every interval. I ran. I ran my best. I kept making deals with myself - run to that tree. Oh, the tree's almost here, you can make it to the bushes now. Get to the top of the hill and you can walk. Ok, enough walking, run now. RUN!

I did. And when I was done, I'd covered 2 miles in 32 minutes, and met up with Bill. He had walked and run at his own pace, doing his own thing. We decided to walk at least one more mile together, and we played around as we did. I mean, he'd take off running, and I'd wait a few heartbeats, then take off after him. He's quick for an old dude! (Don't tell him I said that) We played catch-up back and forth for the last mile, talking and laughing, and it felt like I was healed from whatever mopey whiney affliction had taken hold of me.

Yea, I still weigh 239.2 lbs. Probably. Maybe more. Most likely. Whatever. I didn't weigh myself when I got home. I care, but I don't. I don't deserve to whine anymore. Heck, even if I'm doing every single thing possible in the world to lose weight and I don't lose another ounce, I don't deserve to whine.

I love and appreciate your support, every single one of you. Someone needed to kick my *ss, though, and get me fired up. Call it tough love. Call it a reality check. Call it whatever. Who knew I could lift my foot that high, backwards, to kick my own caboose?

My weight does not define me. I am so many more things than my weight. It'll be nice IF/when I start losing again, but even if I don't, I'm winning at life.

So take that, Fat, and get bent.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • no profile photo CD8072637
    Woman, any time you are down on yourself and thinking of retreating to the slug lifestyle, you let me know, because I'm gonna tell you to put that toboggan on and run your a$$ off 'cause I'm coming after you with the boot for your booty!!!

    You crack me up, you think like me, and you understand me, and that's what I love about you so much. You sure we weren't separated at birth or something??? You're kinda the west coast version of me (though I wasn't a runner even when the ankle was good).

    As for not telling Bill about the old guy comment...he's got an account on here now, ya know? emoticon

    And if anyone wants to give you s**t about how you look in that toboggan, you tell them to come talk to me. That thing needs it's own fan club! emoticon

    Much love to my west coast sista! emoticon emoticon emoticon
    3873 days ago
    You crack me up Candy. It's nice to see some laughter to go with those life struggles. And you look so cute! Love the hat!
    3873 days ago
    LOL, I thought I was the only one who felt a bit like Sybil. emoticon blog and glad to know that your fighting back. I recently went through a similar "funk" awhile back and it was only me that could pull myself up.

    Sometimes we just have to give ourselves a swift kick in the butt to get moving forward again. We have to keep going even when we get knocked down.

    Keep working on quitting smoking. Since September I've lost two really close friends from COPD & emphysema. My friend Bill was only 65 years young when he died last week. He was diagnosed in September with COPD and on oxygen 24/7. So if you need support to keep you from reaching for that smoke just let me know. I'll do whatever I can.


    3874 days ago
    It is great to see you already got back on track!

    Oh., about the scale emoticon one of my spark buddies READNKNIT(Suzanne)see me this very insightful article on weigh yourself.

    It is by Monica Nelson Fitness "Don't Be A Slave To The Scale!" I actually printed it out as well as send it to my husband and several of my non-spark buddies. I think it will help if and when you have the chance to look it up and read it. Good Luck! emoticon

    Anne emoticon
    3874 days ago
  • no profile photo CD5968222
    I felt just like that when I did my first 5K a few weeks ago! I felt like everyone was looking at me and thinking....Seriously??? And then I had to walk some and felt totally defeated! But the fact is, I FINISHED and I DID IT!! I love the other answers about how the other runners are just excited to see someone else doing it!! And cheering us on too!! I love your attitude and the fact that you just get out there and do it no matter what!! Forget that silly scale....You are doing it! You are on the road to a healthy new you!!! WOOHOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    > emoticon

    You look so cute in the pic!! I want one of those hats!!! emoticon
    3874 days ago
    I'm with Robin - runners look at other runners, regardless of how fast, slow, big, little, or whatever, and say "YOU GO GIRL!" We love seeing someone else run. We love seeing them try. We love seeing them tackle those hills. If you see someone slower and heavier than you out there trying I bet all you want to do is cheer them on, right? Well, that's how we ALL are! I love it when a fast, sleek, runner glides by and tells me some lovely thing - GOOD JOB, NICE FORM, WAY TO GO. And I do the same for every runner I see - fast or slow.

    So HOORAY for you for getting out there and running! And keep on running your way!
    3875 days ago
    Very good blog! Love your running outfit!
    3875 days ago
    love it!!! And all those other runners out there? They were saying things like:
    Way to Go, Lady!
    Woo Hoo, another one joins the party!
    Keep it up, your doing it!
    yay! New runner ahead.
    You can do it!
    Way to go, Runner!

    There wasn't a single negative thought out there on the golf course about you...except those that might have popped into your own head. Us runner's gotta stick together, cuz sooner or later, no one else will be able to keep up! tee hee...
    3875 days ago
    Well, well, well, Sybil! You did it to me! You had me laughing, smiling, caring, feeling the angst, feeling the huff and the puff up the hill, feeling the air getting to my lungs so much better, feeling the pride, the joy, the devil get thee behind me attitude. Love the kicking the whining to the curb! You go, go, go girl! Darn you Sybil, now I feel like I need to go run! emoticon
    3875 days ago
    I laughed out loud at this while cheering your sassy self on - you go girl!!!!

    3875 days ago
    Oh candy! You are so refreshing to me with your honesty and your ability to share how you are REALLY feeling.

    I have also been in a bit of a rut lately. Only half a$$ing everything in my life. Exercise, my eating, ect...

    What do you say we make a pact to make better choices together!

    P.s. Way to put that little voice in your head in its place! You crack me up!

    P.s.s. I am proud of you for running!

    P.s.s.s. You are adorable!!!!!

    3875 days ago
    Is it Glendeveer you go to? I've only been once, but loved it.
    I need a dose of your pity party prescription. emoticon
    You are doing fabulous! I'm so proud of you for not backsliding and taking the easy route!

    3875 days ago
  • HIPPIE44
    "I was going to whine and moan s'more, but I checked SP to see how many calories whining burns and guess what? It doesn't!" --very, very well put.

    I needed to hear someone else's reality check besides my own today. I cut back on calories to compensate for not exercising all week and even though in theory the weight should have come off it didn't. The real key is that both have to happen.

    I'm getting my shoes on and doing something right now before the daylight is gone! Thank you!

    3875 days ago
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