Crappiest Christmas ever. Looking forward to a much better 2011!

Thursday, December 30, 2010

Where to start. I left off shortly after Thanksgiving. Ed (my bf) had just found out his mother was terminally ill with lung cancer and we were trying to get the family to let us see her.

Unfortunately with all my Christmas preparations I forgot to prepare for the worst.

On Thurs Dec 23rd we received a phone call from his brother stating his mom was in ICU and not going to make it 24hrs. I left work... Came home... Packed our stuff and drove straight to Philadelphia. It's about a 8hr drive usually. We made it in just over 5. By the time we got there his mother was in a coma and not doing well. We talked and sat with her. Told her how much we loved her and then we were told by his brother to leave. Against my better judgement we went to a hotel and got a room. His mom passed away peacefully early in the morning on Christmas Eve. We went to the hospital. Offered to help in any way we could and told we would be contacted later. That later came at about noon when his brother called to tell us that his aunt and himself were on the way to the funeral home to make the final arrangements we offered to assist and told we would be called later. Later never came really. We went out to dinner to try to have a nice Christmas Eve but how could we really? Dinner was horrible. I was angry and he was hurt and grieving.

Christmas day came and we went to breakfast. My family is very close and this was the first time ever without them. I cried all day. Every time someone called or texted I balled. I used to be a strong cold hearted b-word. However it seems I've softened over the years. Finally his brother called us at 5 and said we were all going to meet for dinner later. His brother who is a compulsive liar didn't tell us what time. So of course he called after they were all seated and it took us a half hour to get there. The lies continued through out the entire nightmare of Christmas. We weren't told about the family limo going to the funeral nor were we told about the arrangements until last minute. We were treated horribly and I've never felt so alone in my life. I was hurt and angry and that anger and hurt continued.

Philly got hit by a rather large snow storm the day of the funeral. After the funeral we headed south to Ed's father's house to spend some much needed time with people who love us. Ed needed to grieve and I need the company.

I got a call from work telling me if I didn't return I'd be let go.
How very compassionate and understanding of them? Jerks!

So we drove back. In a blizzard. Which should have taken 8hrs took over 11.

Since I've gone back to work I feel like I want to snap out. How dare they treat me a dedicated employee who always goes above in beyond like crap. It seems more and more people treat me that way these days.

I'm thankful this year and season is ending. I want it done and over with and I want my life back.

We are celebrating "Christmas" with my family on New Years day. I honestly don't want my presents. I want nothing but for my boyfriend to smile and my life to be back to some form of normal.

I want 2011 to be the best year of my life. I'm going to fight tooth and nail to do that.

Here are my goals and come hell or high water it's happening this year.

1 Stop smoking. I've watched to many people I love die of cancer.

2 Lose weight. I have family who have struggled with soooo many health problems because of this that the issue has to stop with my generation. I'm the oldest there for it is my responsibility to take charge and lead the way.

3 Take my vitamins daily. I feel better when I take them but usually forget!

4 Keep a $0 balance on my credit cards. Although I used a lot of credit while in Philly I plan on rectifying that with income taxes.

5 Start a savings account and have at least $1000 by Dec 31 2011

6 Get Ed a vehicle. It's too much of a struggle only having one car. Although we can not really afford a second one it is to the point we can not afford not to have a second one.

So although I didn't have a Merry Christmas in anyway I hope that you all did.

I want to thank my sparkbuddy Mary for all her support. If it wasn't for her I probably would be wearing an orange jumpsuit in county or a white jacket in a padded room. I never thought I would get a true friend out of spark but I got a friend better then I could even imagine.

So that adds goal 7 spend some much needed quality time with my sparkbuddy!

Thanks to all who prayed and thought of me. May we all have a blessed 2011!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • LEXIE63
    I am so sorry for all you and your bf have been through.
    I truly hope that 2011 is a healing year full of positiveness and kindness, and that you are able to hold onto your plans.
    Hugs to you both,
    Lex xxx
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    3823 days ago
    Awww kid. You made me cry. And since you taught me to wear make up, I look like a raccoon (come to think of it, I EAT like a raccoon in a dumpster). LOL. You're a true treasure to me. We can do this. Thank you for all the complements and now, we're gonna shake a better year out of this globe if we have to stomp it's guts out. Kick a mud puddle in it's arse and walk it dry. LOL.
    3823 days ago
    Wow! we need to be SP friends. I'm a nurse and have had a stressed and taxing year as well. Just quit smoking with chantix..it made me sick after 2 weeks and had to stop taking..but I had gotten pat the physical withdrw already. Thank goodness. One car is a bummer and I want to get my husband one as well this year. I CUT UP all my credit cards and haven't used them in 7 years. Had to practically live on them while in college...so after I graduated i said NO MORE!! I need to lose weight, open a savings account and take my vitamins too! emoticon
    3823 days ago
    I am so sorry for your loss. There is light on the end of the tunnel. Dont give up and stay strong.
    3823 days ago
    I am so sorry for your loss and applaud your strength
    3823 days ago
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