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Emotional Day & Not Sure Why...

Tuesday, January 04, 2011

I came home today crying, wiped my tears before coming in and when bekah thought I was sick, I told her I had been crying, they ask why and I say. "I don't know!" I go talk to John upstairs and cried some more, not sure why and trying to tell him what things were on my mind and it really did not even make sense to even me!

It all started with me not feeling all excited about going back to school after 3 weeks off and just feeling like I was starting all over, etc... I tried to be positive about it, but today, just felt like I was peddling uphill. To top it off, I got observed too and while it went ok, I just felt so tired and out of it. Then, about mid-morning, I just felt so overwhelmed and ready to cry at any moment! I kept it under control though, i was at school after all. My stomach was in knots, my heart feels like it's been flip-flopping in my stomach and moving up to my hear for the last three days and I thought it was too much caffeine, maybe it's nerves???

I started to feel some better and even right this minutes "KNOW" that tomorrow will be better, but still feel like I could cry at any minute. Nothing "feels" right. I feel like it's so many little things and none are enough on their own for me to feel this way.

My supervising teacher is great. She tells me that I am doing a great job and I voiced to her right before leaving that i felt like I was on the verge of tears all day and almost lost it then and there, but managed to hold it together until i got in the car.

I enjoyed the snow days, but I am tired and want to be DONE already, ya know? NOW, I have another week there. The people are nice and all, I just do not feel like I "fit". That could be all me. I am not sure what my deal is, I just wish it would go away.

PLEASE pray that this passes, I am asking with tears in my eyes, I cannot handle this!!! After crying and talking to John this afternoon, i felt some better and then was drained and fell asleep for about an hour and felt better at first, but it comes in waves almost. John will call my doctor tomorrow and make an appt. that way if it's my meds, we can quickly make some adjustments and hope that works... All through this blog, i have almost cried and then felt better. But seriously, i need to make it through school without feeling like I am gonna fall apart. Pray that the days just speed by instead of dragging...

Love you sparkers,

P.S. not sure I will even watch all of BL, might just go on to bed and I haven't even looked at what I am supposed to teach tomorrow... maybe during commercials...
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  • no profile photo POSITIVELYHERE
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    3818 days ago

    Comment edited on: 1/6/2011 3:47:27 PM
    I am praying for you Shannon. I went through this really bad in November. It turned out, for me, it was TOM and then all the stresses in my life, just overwhelmed. I had to tell myself, get over it...and exercise and sure enough it improved. Also, the meds may have something to do with it so glad you are checking with doctor. Sending you prayers

    "Calling All Angels"
    3819 days ago
    Sometimes so much is going on, we just get overwhelmed and need to cry to get back to a place of calm. Tomorrow will be better!
    3819 days ago
  • no profile photo CD6223170
    I'm sorry you're having a rough time. I hope things look up soon.
    3819 days ago
    My thoughts are with you.
    3819 days ago
    3819 days ago
    Praying for you, Shan. Feelings can be so overwhelming sometimes. It sounds like you did all the right things about them too--sharing with John and your supervising teacher and us! Good for you for trying to release the emotions in a healthy manner!!! Crying may be just what you needed to do too. I hope today is better and that you start feeling more like yourself. Hang in there, friend!! We support you 100 plus %!!!! emoticon
    3819 days ago
    Sometimes we just need to cry it out. I know it makes me feel better. I will send prayers your way and wish you the best of luck!
    3819 days ago
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    I WILL, Shan. I am praying that you'll rest well tonight. Don't worry about it, my friend. I know that SOMEtimes you have expressed feeling almost immune to "feeling"..perhaps this is a GOOD thing, but you're not used to it? (just a thought) If it is loneliness, then I pray that you will FEEL the LOVE of God surround you and giving you peace. I hope you know how much you are loved by ME. Wish I could be there.... It DOES sound hormonal, though..HANG IN THERE. I hope that you'll get some answers soon.

    Another it suppressed panic about your portfolio results? You will be in my thoughts and prayers...!
    3820 days ago
    Hey Shan--first, a big hug for you!

    It sounds like hormones/body chemistry, or meds out of balance, or winter blues, or burnout (which sometimes does kick in AFTER time off rather than before), or maybe a combination! I'm glad you'll be seeing your doctor--I hope he or she has some way to help.

    I am holding you in my prayers, & in God's love.

    3820 days ago
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