Emotional Day & Not Sure Why...
Tuesday, January 04, 2011
I came home today crying, wiped my tears before coming in and when bekah thought I was sick, I told her I had been crying, they ask why and I say. "I don't know!" I go talk to John upstairs and cried some more, not sure why and trying to tell him what things were on my mind and it really did not even make sense to even me!
It all started with me not feeling all excited about going back to school after 3 weeks off and just feeling like I was starting all over, etc... I tried to be positive about it, but today, just felt like I was peddling uphill. To top it off, I got observed too and while it went ok, I just felt so tired and out of it. Then, about mid-morning, I just felt so overwhelmed and ready to cry at any moment! I kept it under control though, i was at school after all. My stomach was in knots, my heart feels like it's been flip-flopping in my stomach and moving up to my hear for the last three days and I thought it was too much caffeine, maybe it's nerves???
I started to feel some better and even right this minutes "KNOW" that tomorrow will be better, but still feel like I could cry at any minute. Nothing "feels" right. I feel like it's so many little things and none are enough on their own for me to feel this way.
My supervising teacher is great. She tells me that I am doing a great job and I voiced to her right before leaving that i felt like I was on the verge of tears all day and almost lost it then and there, but managed to hold it together until i got in the car.
I enjoyed the snow days, but I am tired and want to be DONE already, ya know? NOW, I have another week there. The people are nice and all, I just do not feel like I "fit". That could be all me. I am not sure what my deal is, I just wish it would go away.
PLEASE pray that this passes, I am asking with tears in my eyes, I cannot handle this!!! After crying and talking to John this afternoon, i felt some better and then was drained and fell asleep for about an hour and felt better at first, but it comes in waves almost. John will call my doctor tomorrow and make an appt. that way if it's my meds, we can quickly make some adjustments and hope that works... All through this blog, i have almost cried and then felt better. But seriously, i need to make it through school without feeling like I am gonna fall apart. Pray that the days just speed by instead of dragging...
Love you sparkers,
P.S. not sure I will even watch all of BL, might just go on to bed and I haven't even looked at what I am supposed to teach tomorrow... maybe during commercials...