Will not be defined by my weight...the "journey"
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Yesterday, I got a cute cut and a manicure. I decided to go shop for clothes, since I was already there and have a weekend of salsa dancing.
I went to a shop that has edgy clothes. I really liked the styles...they were fun and different. I proceeded with choices. The experience left me totally deflated. I've lost a lot of weight, I work hard...and nothing fit. Going up in sizes was not possible. I came home feeling really down...and then I cried. I recall this not being the first time I've cried over a shopping experience...I really remember being a chubby kid and nothing ever fitting. How it took a toll on my self-esteem. How it always left me feeling out and unlike others.
Well, I'm not giving up on me! This year, my intention for myself is "be good to myself!" I refuse to beat myself up. I've completed a cycling century, a metric, a fun ride of 35 miles. I strength train, enjoy spin,outdoor cycling, hiking, and salsa dancing on a regular basis. My weight does NOT define me. It's only a part of who I am. The fun, loving person I am with my family and friends is not defined by my weight. I will not throw my hands in the air and say "it's just not working" and sabotage my efforts to quit. I know I'm healthier...I know I'm stronger...I know that I care. So I blog this to remember what it's like...to not give up on me...to continue to be strong so I can move when I'm well into my 90s...because I don't want to die of cancer like both my parents have. I am me and I love me...and, me, please know you are worth fighting for and loving unconditionally, just as you love your children. Take care of me...and above all, be kind to me....I'm holding onto me...
There is no body out there, out there. This journey is for me.