Tuesday, January 18, 2011

The following blog contains information about my sex life, which may be too much information for some readers. Read at your own risk. Ha.

So I have always been extremely self concious about my body. I avoid the beach like the plague, and hate the summer in general due to the need to wear little clothing. And I have always worn a shirt during sex. No boyfriend of mine has ever seen me naked. I refuse. Way too self concious.

So my most recent ex (we broke up last week) is the skinniest guy I have dated, which makes me feel even fatter. For the past few weeks he has been giving me over the shirt back massages, and even then I am paranoid because he can still feel my disgustingness. So anyways, a few days ago he was giving me one and we had the bright idea of using hot oil sometime. So last night we weent to the store and bought some strawberry flavored oil. I layed on my stomach and had to lift my shirt up. I felt so uncomfortable, but I just tried to forget about it. My shirt kept getting in the way, so I just took it off. Yuck. After a bit of massaging, he went to the kitchen for something, and I rolled over on my back. So there I was, wearing just my undies, covering my boobs with my hands, waiting for him to come back and probably vomit. Haha. Long story short, he pretty much massages me everywhere, I rub oil all over him, my undies come off, I am completely naked and you can probably guess what happened next. That was the very first time I had EVER been naked in front of a guy! Why now all of a sudden? He's like a stick, so it makes me feel bigger. And I haven't lost any weight to make me feel any better about myself. So why was it that last night I could do it? Maybe this means I will be able to be cool with it with other guys. Hmmmm I don't know. I mean I wasn't completely comfortable with it. Like, I avoided moving too much for my fat didn't like bulge or anything. Haha. No idea what my point was, but I just felt like sharing my teeny acomplishment. The end.

Sorry for that.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Embrace the moment & celebrate it. You ARE beautiful.
    3840 days ago

    But really, we're all much more critical about ourselves than other people are. Plus there are men who like curvy women. So obviously, the moral is, if some guy thinks you're attractive, you don't need to hide!
    3841 days ago
  • no profile photo CD7800074
    Ha! Love this blog.

    Way to go! (in both respects...lol)
    3841 days ago
  • YUBYUB31
    Way to go - that sounds like a massive self esteem milestone

    3841 days ago
  • no profile photo CD8869793
    That is a huge accomplishment. I have horrible stretch marks and HATE any one seeing them. But when my boyfriend at the time still thought I was beautiful I knew I had to stop being so negative about them. Maybe now you can stop using such negative terms to describe you.
    3841 days ago
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