Day by day...
Wednesday, February 09, 2011
First and foremost, I want to say thank you for your messages and care and concern. I truly appreciate it! And, I want to say I'm not normally a drama-mama! I realized my status update sounded overly-dramatic, as if I'm dealing with more than a horrid extended mood. I apologize for that.
I'm fine. Nothing has happened, everyone's healthy, etc. and so on. I'm simply dealing with emotional unrest, needs not being met, frustration at my efforts and lack of results, and other general external stressors. I tend to go quiet, rather than expressing what's going on in my head and heart, and that means bottled up cares and concerns eventually bubble over. That's what happened.
I'm processing and thinking and managing my way back to my sunny disposition. Sorta. After 5 days of no exercise or running, I ran 3.1 miles last night, and a pace workout of 2 miles tonight. It was all very very good. I felt strong in body, and I needed that. I'm on a KB break this week, and have eased off with my mileage. I have a Valentine's 5K on Sunday, so that's what I'm focusing on.
I'm also going to go to a few local gyms to check them out. My work offers a discount for certain places, and one of them happens to be nearby. I want to see if it would be a good fit for me. I kept saying I couldn't afford a gym, or a trainer, but you know what? I can't say that with any confidence anymore, because I don't actually KNOW that to be true. Asking, checking things out, doesn't cost anything. Being informed, I can make a better decision for myself, and not just cop out with "can't afford it".
I watched the latest Heavy the other night. It was hard to watch at first because the woman on the show signed up for the program, had a trainer, facility, dietician, the whole shebang, and she appeared to be ungrateful and uninterested in really being there or giving it her all. I'd give anything to have an opportunity like that! So, I will make my own opportunity and see what I can find out about the different gyms.
See? It's not all doom and gloom in my corner. I'm dealing, coping, moving forward, slowly but surely. That's one thing I keep telling myself - at my lowest point last Saturday, I tossed up my hands and said "I give up. I can't do it anymore. I quit!"
To h*ll with that, I've come too far, too well, to simply give up. I'm worth the effort, no matter how slow and laborious, how much I struggle. The only person who can beat me is me, and I'm not giving up. I'm not going to quit.