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Day by day...

Wednesday, February 09, 2011

First and foremost, I want to say thank you for your messages and care and concern. I truly appreciate it! And, I want to say I'm not normally a drama-mama! I realized my status update sounded overly-dramatic, as if I'm dealing with more than a horrid extended mood. I apologize for that.

I'm fine. Nothing has happened, everyone's healthy, etc. and so on. I'm simply dealing with emotional unrest, needs not being met, frustration at my efforts and lack of results, and other general external stressors. I tend to go quiet, rather than expressing what's going on in my head and heart, and that means bottled up cares and concerns eventually bubble over. That's what happened.

I'm processing and thinking and managing my way back to my sunny disposition. Sorta. After 5 days of no exercise or running, I ran 3.1 miles last night, and a pace workout of 2 miles tonight. It was all very very good. I felt strong in body, and I needed that. I'm on a KB break this week, and have eased off with my mileage. I have a Valentine's 5K on Sunday, so that's what I'm focusing on.

I'm also going to go to a few local gyms to check them out. My work offers a discount for certain places, and one of them happens to be nearby. I want to see if it would be a good fit for me. I kept saying I couldn't afford a gym, or a trainer, but you know what? I can't say that with any confidence anymore, because I don't actually KNOW that to be true. Asking, checking things out, doesn't cost anything. Being informed, I can make a better decision for myself, and not just cop out with "can't afford it".

I watched the latest Heavy the other night. It was hard to watch at first because the woman on the show signed up for the program, had a trainer, facility, dietician, the whole shebang, and she appeared to be ungrateful and uninterested in really being there or giving it her all. I'd give anything to have an opportunity like that! So, I will make my own opportunity and see what I can find out about the different gyms.

See? It's not all doom and gloom in my corner. I'm dealing, coping, moving forward, slowly but surely. That's one thing I keep telling myself - at my lowest point last Saturday, I tossed up my hands and said "I give up. I can't do it anymore. I quit!"

To h*ll with that, I've come too far, too well, to simply give up. I'm worth the effort, no matter how slow and laborious, how much I struggle. The only person who can beat me is me, and I'm not giving up. I'm not going to quit.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Candy, sometimes you just have to take time to re-evaluate. Nothing wrong with that. I get to feeling weighed down by everything that's going around, family, etc., and wonder how the heck am I supposed to find time to take care of me too! You just have to keep moving forward, it might be little steps, but your moving forward.

    Don't let the flame go out, because you are worth the effort.
    emoticon emoticon
    3784 days ago
    Yeah, Candy back!

    Good luck on Sunday's run and finding an affordable gym.

    I would not compare yourself to that other lady...she must blame life for her situation instead of taking matters in her own hands and make it happen.. YOU on the other hand take life and makes it happen...with smiles too! emoticon

    Anne emoticon
    3784 days ago
    Candy, that's what Sparkpeople and blogging is for-to help lend a hand so you can pull yourself out of the valley a little faster!! :)
    Glad you're back and back on track. Make sure you look at Sparkguy's blog today; he has info on virtual races you can track. Great for us runners!!
    3784 days ago
  • no profile photo CD7466362
    Being down is just going to happen. Just like up is just around the corner. You're a smarty for seeing it for what it is and still moving forward. Sometimes we need to be our own cheerleader, pep ralley and parade all rolled into one!

    3784 days ago
  • GAYLEP67
    Recognizing what's going on and dealing with it. That's a huge step right there my friend. We all travel our hills and valleys and unfortunately, you've hit the valley. I know you're strong and you really HAVE come so incredibly far so I know you won't throw in the towel. Even though we're making these changes for a better, healthier life, life IS still happening for all of us and sometimes it lobs things at us. Keep ducking and dodging. Revisit your "before" pictures and remember what things were like in your old way of life. You will quickly see that you really are seeing a lot of success for your efforts. Gyms may seem unaffordable but through your healthier lifestyle, I'm sure you're seeing cost savings that you could redirect that way (money saved by not eating out, not smoking, etc).

    The mantra I've developed in the last few months with all that life has thrown my way is "one day at a time". Amazing how that small phrase keeps me going...

    I hope the sun begins to shine for you soon my friend. I'll be thinking of you running on the weekend and hopefully you will hear me cheering you on from Canada!

    3784 days ago
    candy, you are really walking the walk of learning to care for yourself for real.
    3785 days ago
    There's a fighter in you and it's showing...great job being strong, not giving up, and taking it day by day. I completely understand the feeling of overloaded emotions as it affects me too. Is weather a factor for you at all? Weather definitely affects me and my moods, and makes it more difficult for me to cope with the everyday things. Exercise has helped me quite a bit though. GREAT JOB getting your workouts in the last two's great to hear that they made you feel good and strong. One day at a time'll all work itself out.
    3785 days ago
    You go girl, glad to hear you are not backing down. I have definitely had my ups and downs on my own journey, but I'm better for each time I went through that. It will only make you stronger. You can totally do this, girl! And GREAT JOB on the run! I'm so incredibly proud of you!

    3785 days ago
    I think it's unfortunately natural and normal to feel this way sometimes. It's a lot you have on your, marriage, family, and your pursuit of health! Overwhelming even though it's all good, positive stuff. Don't feel bad about occasionally needing to take a step back and ramp down a little. You are listening to your body BEFORE your body says " won't cut back well I'll cut back for ya" and whammo...injury. Take care of yourself and be gentle with your sweet self too. emoticon
    3785 days ago
  • no profile photo CD6896537
    You've come too far to go back beautiful lady!!

    While it's hard as you pass through the valley, you know that this too shall pass. And I don't say that lightly or flippant. I too have walked in the shoes you're now in and my heart aches for you as I know it's a difficult time.

    But I know your commitment runs deep and the change in you HAS been made. This time in your life is nothing more than a hiccup that you will soon look back on as a wonderful learning experience.

    Deep breaths; one day at a time and soon you will be back to your happy, care free self!

    Until then.....

    Keep smiling; Keep shining; knowing you can always count on me; for sure. That's what friends are for!!
    3785 days ago
    That's great that you get discounts at your local gym facilities!
    3785 days ago
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