This is an odd topic so bare with me as I try to dig through this mess in my mind and have a conversation with myself that you can observe.
Normally when I want to loose weight it's not an issue. I can gain and loose and gain 50 lbs plus or minus in just a matter of months.
I've lost 50lbs in 3 months before. I've gained 50lbs in 6months before.
Typically if I want to loose weight I find some weird off the wall diet that has odd rules about food, liquids, and how to mix everything. I then exercise like a maniac. I then lose weight. Success. Then I decide I don't want to eat like that any more or something dramatic happens in my life and I begin shoveling in the food like a starving child at Golden Corral...
The past few times I've lost weight. I've done it the "healthy and right way". By counting my calories, eating healthy, drinking plenty of water, no alcohol, mostly unprocessed natural organic tasteless food. I've exercised my butt off. I've slowly very slowly lost weight.
It's now been just over a month that I quit smoking. So I've decided that I would start my weight loss journey again for the umpteenthmillionth time . *rolls eyes*
It's ummm well not working out so well. *looks away* I ummm yeah I can't stop eating junk and as hard as I try to track everything I eat I ummm yeah well (seriously don't look at me like that I know it's pathetic) I JUST CAN'T DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ok ok I know you're going to comment and say yes you can do it. Here is some positivity. blah blah blah.
I can't. I've been really trying. Food seems to well win.
I guess the good news is because I am tracking (at least for the most part) I haven't gained any weight. I've fluctuated rapidly but nothing that has really stuck.
I want to lose weight.... or do I?
A friend asked me this the other day. If you really wanted to lose weight you would so why don't you want to lose weight?
ummm I don't know I do want to lose weight. I think...... Then again maybe I don't. Maybe I'm ok where I am and comfortable where I'm at. It's not about looks for me. I'm not someone who has to be a size 4 or even at size 14 for that matter to feel good about herself. I think I'm pretty. I dress well. I have high self esteem. I get hit on by men constantly.....
So why do you want to lose weight?
Because because I want to be healthy and I want to be able to walk up 2 flights of steps without my heart pounding out of my chest and I want to shop any where I want to shop and I want to indoor ski dive and I want to indoor rock climb and I'm over the weight limit and too out of shape
Soooo you do want to be thin don't ya fattie? Yes yes I do.....
I also want cake, ice cream, chips, pizza, chinese food, ect ect ect
So what to do now? What's "THE BIG PLAN" this time. I don't know yet. I haven't quite figured that part out. I know I need to eat healthy. I know I need to exercise (which I haven't been), and I know I still want to eat what I want when I want. I just need to figure out how to make it all work together.