Just not able to figure it out this time....

Saturday, February 12, 2011

This is an odd topic so bare with me as I try to dig through this mess in my mind and have a conversation with myself that you can observe.

Normally when I want to loose weight it's not an issue. I can gain and loose and gain 50 lbs plus or minus in just a matter of months.

I've lost 50lbs in 3 months before. I've gained 50lbs in 6months before.

Typically if I want to loose weight I find some weird off the wall diet that has odd rules about food, liquids, and how to mix everything. I then exercise like a maniac. I then lose weight. Success. Then I decide I don't want to eat like that any more or something dramatic happens in my life and I begin shoveling in the food like a starving child at Golden Corral...

The past few times I've lost weight. I've done it the "healthy and right way". By counting my calories, eating healthy, drinking plenty of water, no alcohol, mostly unprocessed natural organic tasteless food. I've exercised my butt off. I've slowly very slowly lost weight.

It's now been just over a month that I quit smoking. So I've decided that I would start my weight loss journey again for the umpteenthmillionth time . *rolls eyes*

It's ummm well not working out so well. *looks away* I ummm yeah I can't stop eating junk and as hard as I try to track everything I eat I ummm yeah well (seriously don't look at me like that I know it's pathetic) I JUST CAN'T DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok ok I know you're going to comment and say yes you can do it. Here is some positivity. blah blah blah.

I can't. I've been really trying. Food seems to well win.

I guess the good news is because I am tracking (at least for the most part) I haven't gained any weight. I've fluctuated rapidly but nothing that has really stuck.

I want to lose weight.... or do I?

A friend asked me this the other day. If you really wanted to lose weight you would so why don't you want to lose weight?

ummm I don't know I do want to lose weight. I think...... Then again maybe I don't. Maybe I'm ok where I am and comfortable where I'm at. It's not about looks for me. I'm not someone who has to be a size 4 or even at size 14 for that matter to feel good about herself. I think I'm pretty. I dress well. I have high self esteem. I get hit on by men constantly.....

So why do you want to lose weight?

Because because I want to be healthy and I want to be able to walk up 2 flights of steps without my heart pounding out of my chest and I want to shop any where I want to shop and I want to indoor ski dive and I want to indoor rock climb and I'm over the weight limit and too out of shape

Soooo you do want to be thin don't ya fattie? Yes yes I do.....

I also want cake, ice cream, chips, pizza, chinese food, ect ect ect

So what to do now? What's "THE BIG PLAN" this time. I don't know yet. I haven't quite figured that part out. I know I need to eat healthy. I know I need to exercise (which I haven't been), and I know I still want to eat what I want when I want. I just need to figure out how to make it all work together.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • LEXIE63
    The thing is that you CAN, Honey. For some reason though, at the moment, you don't want to.

    Yeah, yeah, I know. You don't want the positivity thrown at you, but I'm not trying to do that. :-) The simple truth is that you have a psychological block to all this, and right now you are telling yourself that you are happier as you are, rather than trying to get slimmer and fitter. I think you are cute! I'm not surprised you get hit on. The thing is, being slimmer doesn't mean being prettier. It just means, like you said, being able to climb flights of stairs without feeling like an alien is about to explode from your chest. LOL

    You have major food issues, and you are going on fad diets, and neither of these are going to help you. They just complicate your life when the answer is really quite simple. You need to change your attitude to food. Once you do that, you should be able to get past this mental block you have. Stop denying yourself the food you love and start portion control instead. Don't eat two slices of that pizza you love, have one slice and put a selection of veggies or some salad with it on the plate to help fill you up instead. That way you still get to enjoy your favoutire food, in sensible amounts and no food is the enemy that way!!!

    I'm no expert, but I'm guessing the issues with your bf are also having an effect on you, and that is likely to be part of the problem.
    Hope you can sort out in your mind where you want to be/go soon. maybe talking to someone about it might help, a nutritionist or something?
    Lex xxx
    3744 days ago
    Your last line was the tell all. You have all the tools, know what to do and how to do it . . . but right now you don't want to give up getting what you want, when you want it. That's a big revelation and a clue to why you have fallen back and gained the weight back in the past. Working on that portion is the key to your weight loss . . . but I'm sure you already knew that too (we all do).
    3744 days ago
    Congratulations on not GAINING weight during the difficult first month after quitting smoking. My family/friends who quit have told me that they overeat for two reasons - the food TASTES BETTER and they use it to replace the habit of smoking. I've never smoked (losing two brothers to lung cancer will do that for you) but I've read that its a harder addiction to break than heroin. So BIG CONGRATULATIONS for quitting!!

    It sounds to me as if you are doing the right things by recording your food. Are you exercising? If not, start that now. Then when you feel the need to eat the wrong foods, try just eating a little. Instead of looking for fast weight loss, how about trying for just a LITTLE weight loss? Say half a pound to a pound a week? Build a new life style that you can sustain - and stay active in SP! I'm losing very slowly (VERY slowly) myself, but I'm seeing a change in my body since I'd added some ST to my walking.

    Focus on what is going right in your life - and not smoking is a BIG BIG right!!

    3744 days ago
  • REJ7777
    Well, I get the impression you realize you're facing the choice of what you want MOST. Cakes, pies, sitting and being overweight, or, healthy food, physical activity and being at a healthier weight. BTW, healthy food does NOT need to be "tasteless"! It takes more prep work than grabbing a donut, but it's giving our body what it needs.

    Congratulations on stopping to smoke! That's a biggie! Be patient with yourself. You can't do everything at once. But eating fresh fruits and veggies will help your body detox. You'll never regret taking care of your health!
    3744 days ago
    How great that you are in this uncertain place now since you haven't really been here before and that may mean it's new and a real chance to do it for you.


    This is the real enchilada -adding your real motivation, removing your resistance and eliminating force. I wonder what ease will be there for you as you work out your Big Plan? How excited I am for you... Hope you find out soon!
    3744 days ago
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