Suddenly Realized That I'm No Longer The Fat Girl
Monday, February 14, 2011
No, this doesn't mean that I've gotten to my goal size. Or that my BMI is in the so-called "healthy" range. What it means is that I suddenly realized that I am the size of the "average American woman."
Saturday DH and I ran errands and made weekly purchases. At Costco I saw a coat that I really liked. Because I no longer have a spring coat that fits, I grabbed one and tried it on. The coat was too big. Slightly confused, I reached for a medium. Two ladies standing nearby spontaneously commented that the medium fit me much better. So I bought it. It's a sassy red trench coat and makes me feel like a million bucks.
While we continued shopping, etc., I looked around at the other women and realized that I'm pretty much dead median for size. And I realized that even at my heaviest I was not nearly as big as some of the women we saw. Body image distortion has been an issue for me since, oh, middle school, so being able to put things into proper perspective is hard for me.
Sunday afternoon I dragged two boxes of smaller clothes upstairs and tried them all one. 75% of them fit - including some 12s and even a size 10 blouse. My size 16 pants have all been retired, although a couple of sheath dresses that size remain. I continue to insist that they run small, lol. Gotta love the inconsistency of women's clothes... Anyway, my clothes are now mostly a mix of 14s and 12s, instead of 16s and 14s. The "average" American woman is 5'5" and a size 12. That's me! I'm now officially "average size!"
This is an absolute revelation. I'm used to thinking of myself as "big," "fat," "plus sized," etc. Learning to think of myself as "fit," "normal," or even - dare I say it? - "hot" is a giant adjustment. But one I will happily make!