Friday, March 25, 2011
As many of you know I have been coping with a knee injury that has left me in limbo as to what was going to happen.
I am a gung ho for exercise and like to do as much as I can.
The knee threw a wrench into my retinue.
All the cardio that I want and need was now limited due to the knee injury .
That's like telling a race horse that they have to sit the next 10 races out.
All I want to do is function at my full potential. I don't like limitations.
With me it's all the way. I have lived my life that way. I give 110% to any project or job I take on. I don't like to fail. I always play to win. And my present project is "ME"
So once I was on such a roll with my weight loss and workouts I felt invincible.
But I got knocked down with the knee injury.
At first I could keep going, maybe a day or so off, but I pushed on.
But in the back of my mind I had the thought , , What happens if it goes out completely?
The uncertainty of what will happen started to weigh on my mind.
I wondered will I fall back into old habits? . Will slowing my workouts result in weight loss coming to a standstill? Will all the hard work I have put in be lost?
Then I started to wonder about the actuality of having a knee replacement. Will I have complications? How long will I be out of commission? All the uncertainty, the doubts were flooding my mind.
I kept going through each day , trying to stay positive. But the uncertainty was starting to take it's toll .
I was not eating as much, My appetite suffered. I was not sleeping trough the night. I was having bad dreams.
I tried to shake it off.. I meditated and that helped some. But still the cloud hanging over my head was the uncertainty of what was going to happen with this knee problem. A knee problem that first surfaced in 1995.
I was hiking at Green Peter Dam and slipped on the trail and fell. tearing the tendons and creating some bone chips that had to be repaired. Once the Doctor took the MRI it should damage from my years of running and jogging. One operation and it seems fixed. But then complications, and in 1997 , another operations and I was living with a damaged knee. My previous doctor would not replace it due to my weight which by that time has ballooned to 245. Now I know there are many people who have replacement surgery at that weight or heavier. But my doctor was adamant that it would not hold up at that weight. So I did not question him , I accepted his opinion. In hind sight maybe I should have. But I'm not gonna ,should have, would have, might have. What's past is history. And history only belongs in books not in our everyday lives.
This past week with my knee finally going out to the point it did not look like it was getting better. The uncertainty I lived with became more real.
When I saw the doctor Thursday and he said I can see that more cortisone is not going to help you.
My heart sort of sank. I sat there with a worried look on my face.
He said I have some bad news and good news for you. I just looked at him, expecting the worst. He said first off I can fix up your knee, we can make you 100% like new in say 3 weeks. But the bad news is I am leaving this practice and after June , I will have to let one of the other doctors take over . I really like this young new doctor , he's what my last doctor was not. He's up on the latest techniques and I trust him completely.
I was sorry to hear he was not going to be my doctor, but I was more happy to hear that I was not going to have to wait till May for the help I so desperately need and want..
All of a sudden I felt a calming relief come over me. the uncertainty of what was going to happen had been answered. or sure there was little questions, but I have such faith in my doctor and in my own ability to over come obstacles that I know everything will work out.
Last night for the fist time in a few weeks I slept much better. Even with waking up with the knee pain, I managed to over come it and get back to sleep. I work up this morning with much more purpose. Now I have a date, 4/19/2011, a plan. I have to make arrangement for the dog, for the office . Now I feel like I am in control. The uncertainty is gone.
Yesterday while I was at the doctor he had to drain some of the fluid that was pooling around the joint. That way it would reduce some of the swelling. That is one painful procedure .
But I have had it done before and I know in the long run it helps.
Suprizing if you know something is going to be painful but afterwards you will feel better, the procedure doest hurt as much. At least that's what I tell myself. Smile!!
Today I woke up trying to convince myself that my knee was so much better, that I could go to the gym. My doctor has said, when ever I feel like I can stand on it, I can continue with water aerobics. of course I can use the machines on other body parts, anytime.
But better sense prevailed and I decided to wait till Monday.
Once I have the knee replacement I can not do water aerobics for 4 weeks. I will be in rehab and there are lots of others exercises I can do. I have already been given a DVD of exercises to work on. That way I will have the exercises perfected so I won't have to refer to a DVD or book to see what I need to do.
The same day as the operation , I will be expected to get up and walk on the leg. The next day you are expected to be able to walk 50 feet. Once that is mastered you can go home the next day. That way you are able to get around your home with out help.
My doctor said I will probably be asking to walk 100 steps to prove I can go the extra steps..
He also said he thinks I will have an easy time. With all the weight loss, the healthy eating and exercise I am in very good physical shape , I am a poster women for complete success.
I smiled when he said that. For that's what my weight loss doctor said about my weight loss.
That I was a poster women for the successful way to lose weight.
Well poster women or not, I just want to be a healthy, fit ,fully mobile women who is free to live and enjoy her life.
The one glitch is I will have to postpone my trip to italy , from this fall to spring 2012..
I will have my left knee done in the fall. The doctor said I can have it done six weeks after the right one, but I don't want to be out of commission for 3 months .
My mon who is 85 is in excellent health and she will be going with me.
So now I have caught you all up on the saga of the knees
Oh I forget about the weight. When I was weighted at the doctors I weighted the same 171.5 dressed as I did last Saturday with no clothes on. So I figured I have lost weight, Right?
Well I got on the scale this morning and sure enough I weighed 169, naked as a jay bird.
Now I just have to try to maintain that loss. I had not been eating as much due to uncertainty and pain. Did you know that with extreme pain it takes your appetite away?? At least with me it does. But I don't want the pain to continue, that's no way to lose weight.
I have the size 10 pants that have a 3 " gap in the front to fit into , as motivation. Plus the skinny jeans that I can only fasten by laying down and sucking in my breath, Smile!! I would hesitate to ware them out, for if I had to go to the loo, I would never get them fastened again. Smile!. Just in case I had better ware a long top to cover up the gap in the front.
I've got to close this , i'm getting silly now.
You can probably tell I am probably getting cabin fever , I need to get out of here.
Maybe I will just stop at the gym and use a machine or two, just break up my day. Smile!1
I'll call up some friends and go out for lunch. I think that's a better Idea.
Besides I have already done over an hour of exercises. Planned to do another hour.
The one thing I won't do is more shopping. besides they only have senior discounts on Wednesday. Smile!!
I hope you all are having a good day.
The struggle to over come food addition is being won.
You are staying strong and committed to the change of healthy eating and getting fit.
That is the best thing you can do for yourself and those who love you.
Peace and Love,