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How did my life turn out like this???

Sunday, April 03, 2011

I am trying to find things in my life to be happy about as I try to get healthier. I love my children so they are my number one joy in life. I also like my job as an instructional assistant, although it is a VERY stressful job. My poodle who thinks she is a baby also brings a smile to my face. I also enjoy being the leader of my TOPS group. Other than that I have a miserable existance. I am stuck in an unhappy marriage that has gone on for over 10 years now. I have left before but the time that I was gone things were more miserable because of the threats and the fact that I had to let my children go every other weekend with their father and not know where they were or who they were around so I came back. I am so tired of being unhappy. As soon as my children are grown I am gone!!!
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  • AGASSIFAN
    Just stopping by to see how things are going....am keeping you in my prayers...

    Peace & love!

    DebbyO
    3757 days ago
  • AGASSIFAN
    You are where I was at, many years ago....I'm sending you a big hug...I am going to recommend to you what I did in that situation (since it worked for me)...you need to extract yourself from this relationship with your husband...GET OUT! Life is TOO short!

    Your children are also your husband's children, and in my situation, even though my husband was having "issues", I knew he loved our daughter and would never allow anything bad to happen to her...they will only have one father...and one mother...I don't know your children's ages, but mine was 6 when my husband and I separated after 10 years of marriage....I kept staying with him mainly because I was brought up Catholic and fully embraced the "you only get married once" mentality...my family kept telling me "hang in there, it will get better", etc. I was beyond miserable...then one day my daughter and I were driving somewhere, and my daughter turned to me and asked me why Daddy didn't talk to her (my husband was suffering from Vietnam Syndrome...like living with a ghost...leaving a room within 5-10 minutes after one of us had settled in it...never violent....just didn't want to be around anyone...and I had tried to get him to go to counseling with me...no go...).

    I WAS MISERABLE, but was following everyone else's recommendations to "stick it out"...when my daughter asked me that question, I realized that she was learning that my miserable marriage was her "normal" marriage....I was gob-smacked...I had been staying together so she would be happier...and I was teaching/making her the opposite of happy...

    When separating, the parents need to think of the children first...I NEVER said negative things about her father...and I made sure that she got her time with her father (even though I was still going through my own pain from the breakup...) my daughter's relationship with her dad was of #1 importance to me....it stunk that she wasn't going to have the dad I had...but she is very happy with the dad she has...

    I could go on-an-on...this is what I did after a ten year marriage, and it was the right thing to do for my family...my husband still lives alone...he is a loving father and we both moved on...life is hard enough, when you have a great family life, and I found it crushing, trying to survive without having "my happy place" to come home to after work...


    Peace & love!

    DebbyO
    3764 days ago
  • HOWLERMOM
    Please do take care of yourself -- in stressful situations, we are all tempted to drop the things that best help us to cope. I know if I don't exercise, the blues/stresses/etc all start to seem larger and LARGER.....even if it is only 10 minutes, it will help. emoticon emoticon
    3764 days ago
  • XENA1956
    I hope you are able to hang on! It is very hard to be in a realtionship that is over. I get a long well with my husband but we haven't slept in the same bedroom or been intimate in over 10 yrs. We are both happy this way. I stayed in the beginning because of my medical problems and having to have insurance. Now we really do get along and are the best of friends. I wish you luck in working out your problems and if not, I know you will find happiness in the future. Hang in there and you will succeed in everything you do. emoticon
    3764 days ago
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