What might have been.
Saturday, April 23, 2011
Sometimes you just have to write something down. This is one of those things.
What would have happened if I didn't (re)join SP in Sept 2010 (my 3rd try at SP and my upteenth try at "dieting").
Since getting very ill in 2005, I gained 20 lbs a yr topping out at 324 lbs.
If I hadn't made up my mind and given into the idea that this was a "lifestyle change" that there was no going back for me, that I would be making changes that I would use for the rest of my life, I would have gained another 11 lbs in the past 7 months I've been on SP.
I would now weigh 335 lbs.
I would have felt even more helpless, depressed and victimized by this illness.
I would have run out of larger sized clothing to wear.
My personal hygiene would be at risk (this may be TMI - but I was having difficulty reaching a certain spot that we all do our best to keep clean!)
I would have been more exhausted.
I would have been on more medication.
I would be isolating myself from more social situations.
I would think that I couldn't possibly move - due to even more pain, even more exhaustion.
Instead I weigh 263 lbs.
I feel hopeful, like although I do have limitations I can work with them and be an adventurer once again (thanks to all of you who encourage me on!)
I have long ago abandoned my larger sizes and am working my way through smaller sizes - even buying new clothes.
My personal hygiene is great - no more belly in the way of reaching! (ok - still a belly - but much less)
I take LESS medication.
Although social situations are still hard for me due to limited vision, I still do stuff and feel freer (less of a burden to be "worked around) to be active.
I still have pain, I still become tired or exhausted easily - but I'm learning the signs and I do the best that I can. My horizons are much broader than before.
So why write this all down? Because I want to be able to look back on this and say - "Oh yeah - THAT's why!" on those hungry days, those exhausted days, those days and weeks that don't go as planned. I want to look back on this when I don't lose as much as I want to (or don't lose at all, or gain) and be reminded that it's a road, a journey and we all have our paths to take, our successes and (seeming) failures.
I want to be reminded of what MY choices have led me to achieve.
It's so much better to look back on the past 7 months and know that my efforts have made a great difference in my life. 61 lbs DOWN! I'm over a third of the way to my goal! I hope to be another 30 lbs lighter by my Spark Anniversary (and over half way to my goal).
Losing even one lb a month (52 lbs a yr) is SO MUCH better than GAINING 20 lbs a yr!
Thank you - my supportive SP community!