What might have been.

Saturday, April 23, 2011

Sometimes you just have to write something down. This is one of those things.

What would have happened if I didn't (re)join SP in Sept 2010 (my 3rd try at SP and my upteenth try at "dieting").

Since getting very ill in 2005, I gained 20 lbs a yr topping out at 324 lbs.

If I hadn't made up my mind and given into the idea that this was a "lifestyle change" that there was no going back for me, that I would be making changes that I would use for the rest of my life, I would have gained another 11 lbs in the past 7 months I've been on SP.

I would now weigh 335 lbs.
I would have felt even more helpless, depressed and victimized by this illness.
I would have run out of larger sized clothing to wear.
My personal hygiene would be at risk (this may be TMI - but I was having difficulty reaching a certain spot that we all do our best to keep clean!)
I would have been more exhausted.
I would have been on more medication.
I would be isolating myself from more social situations.
I would think that I couldn't possibly move - due to even more pain, even more exhaustion.

Instead I weigh 263 lbs.
I feel hopeful, like although I do have limitations I can work with them and be an adventurer once again (thanks to all of you who encourage me on!)
I have long ago abandoned my larger sizes and am working my way through smaller sizes - even buying new clothes.
My personal hygiene is great - no more belly in the way of reaching! (ok - still a belly - but much less)
I take LESS medication.
Although social situations are still hard for me due to limited vision, I still do stuff and feel freer (less of a burden to be "worked around) to be active.
I still have pain, I still become tired or exhausted easily - but I'm learning the signs and I do the best that I can. My horizons are much broader than before.

So why write this all down? Because I want to be able to look back on this and say - "Oh yeah - THAT's why!" on those hungry days, those exhausted days, those days and weeks that don't go as planned. I want to look back on this when I don't lose as much as I want to (or don't lose at all, or gain) and be reminded that it's a road, a journey and we all have our paths to take, our successes and (seeming) failures.

I want to be reminded of what MY choices have led me to achieve.

It's so much better to look back on the past 7 months and know that my efforts have made a great difference in my life. 61 lbs DOWN! I'm over a third of the way to my goal! I hope to be another 30 lbs lighter by my Spark Anniversary (and over half way to my goal).

Losing even one lb a month (52 lbs a yr) is SO MUCH better than GAINING 20 lbs a yr!

Thank you - my supportive SP community!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    WooHoo...well done...that is so superb to look back and see how far you have come....that will fully ...and is....motivating you forward....well done....
    3703 days ago
  • EVELYN5877
    Keep going, although you can't do much about the after effects of your illness, simply suceeding at what you set out to do must improve your confidence, your mental attitude and the whole self worth thing. And you must regain a little of your stamina as you no longer hoike your pounds around.
    3706 days ago

    Keep on! You are an inspiration. Thanks for sharing.

    3706 days ago
  • no profile photo CD3011801
    Woohoo Jen you are doing so well.I am so happy for you.I hope your health is as well as your weightloss.
    3706 days ago
    This is an awesome blog girlfriend. You are so positive and so motivated it gives so many others the inspiration to keep going as well. You rock sister friend, keep doing what you're doing it's working and it shows. YOU'RE FABULOUS !!!!!!!!!
    3707 days ago
  • CHRYS13
    3707 days ago
  • no profile photo CD3661913
    That's awesome! And such great perspective! Keep up the incredible work!
    3707 days ago
    Great job!!! Your attitude is great and infectious!! Keep up the great are truly an inspiration!!!
    3707 days ago
  • THOMS1
    You are so right my dear, great blog. emoticon
    3707 days ago
    Great attitudee
    3707 days ago
  • no profile photo CD8628660
    You rock. Good idea to write this stuff down!
    3707 days ago
  • ROSIE777
    Thank you so much for sharing you are doing an AWESOME job sweet friend, keep on going you can do it. emoticon
    ¸¸.•´¸.•*¨) ♥¸.•*¨)† Many Blessings, Rosie

    (¸.•´ .♥ (¸.•´ .♥ (¸.•*´¨`* ♥☆¸.•*´¨`*♥☆

    3707 days ago
  • REJ7777
    Congratulations on your progress! And thank you for the reminder of why we're doing this! emoticon
    3707 days ago
  • BD3269PM
    You are truly an ispiration! Your good choices have led you to a new healthy lifestyle. Keep it up, you are doing great. Stay motivated and stay healthy emoticon emoticon
    3707 days ago
    Congrats!!! What an amazing accomplishment... The 60+ pounds down is a good thing, but the commitment to staying with the task is even better!!! I look forward to you continued success! Be well.
    3707 days ago
    You Rock!!! emoticon
    3708 days ago
    You are doing a wonderful job on you! Congratualations!
    3708 days ago
    Hi You are right on track with thinking that way! Next year will come, I can be bigger, smaller, or the same...Go for it. Why not work for better health and take control of your life rather than letting poor health control YOU! Stay true to you plan NEVER GIVE UP.
    3708 days ago
  • DEE107
    way to go my friend hugs
    3708 days ago
    very good blog you are awesome and you are doing well. you are an inspiration to many
    3708 days ago
  • BIGGIRL2082010
    Right on! That's an awesome attitude.

    emoticon emoticon emoticon on your progress so far - keep it up!

    3708 days ago
  • GATOR12
    Wonderful true story but just the beginning. Reminding yourself of where you have been and how far you have come is a tremendous positive (as you say) to reread when down or especially struggling. You have my commendation for all the hard work. But look at you.. As you say even losing 1 lb weekly or monthly is better than gaining. Kudos and keep up good work==you amaze me!!
    3708 days ago
  • no profile photo CD2560890
    Thank you for this blog. It is such a piick me up for me at this point. I am trying so hard to get myself started because i feel so overwhelmed by it all. You have let me realize that even at 300 lbs ther eis hope to get to a better point in life by taking it 1 day at a time and holding tough. I will get this going,

    3708 days ago
    I love the way you write! You're honest and funny and very easy to read!! Thank you for being you!
    3708 days ago

    Continue on your road to success because you are a strong person that knows what she wants. You are amazing so stay on that road and and win the battle no matter how long it takes. God bless you always and he will stand by you. Learn from Spark people every day.

    3708 days ago
    You are such an inspiration to me - thanks so much for sharing all of this!! It's a great reminder for all of us!

    emoticon emoticon
    3708 days ago
    You are such an inspiration! Writing this blog to help remind yourself of why you are on the journey and how far you have come was an amazing idea. You are doing a wonderful job at making the necessary changes for yourself and at being an inspiration to so many others of us that are working along our paths to health and wellness too!

    emoticon emoticon
    3708 days ago

    Comment edited on: 4/24/2011 2:45:34 PM
  • MOMMA48
    emoticon emoticon and so much more! Super blog and super inspiration for us all! emoticon
    3708 days ago
    Honestly - it was the "belly in the way" issue that pushed me over the edge! I was FRANTIC!!! They say humans will do superhuman things in order not to poop/pee themselves or to "stay clean". I believe it!! Even when I was bedridden I would summon all my energy to visit the bathroom - the mere effort of it exhausted me - but it was that strong of a drive.

    I should probably be an actress in a "pooper hygiene" commercial. If only I'd get to use that fabulous blue liquid they use for diaper and feminine products ads!!

    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    3708 days ago
  • JIBBIE49
    emoticon emoticon

    .............My personal hygiene is great - no more belly in the way of reaching! (ok - still a belly - but much less) .............

    emoticon I had to laugh at that since I have ALWAYS wondered how someone deals with that issue. I was 214# at my highest weight and I just couldn't imagine being any fatter. I got "heat rash" in the folds under my stomach and that was enough for me.

    You are right about not gaining MORE, which is a real victory. My friend was 325# after gaining a 100# from her awful divorce & her doctor told her "Diane, in a year you will be 425# because u won't even notice adding the extra pounds at this point." She went to Tops Club and checked in with the doctor's office every month and got it off, plus she met a new guy and realized she was stupid to be so upset over her divorce. She was Mormon and more upset that she'd failed at "the marriage" than losing the guy. I think she only married him since her family wanted her to and he really was never who she would have picked. He left her,but I think secretly she wanted him to as she couldn't tell her parents she was unhappy.

    Happy Easter. emoticon
    3708 days ago
    You just gave me a much needed reminder of why I can never give up no matter how many times I have to start over, no matter how many bad days, weeks, years? I have, because no matter what it will be worth it.

    You are amazing for how far you've come. emoticon
    3708 days ago
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    3708 days ago
    You've inspired me! I'm finding it difficult to stick to my plans & reading your blog has helped me. Well done you! emoticon
    3708 days ago
    GREAT JOB! emoticon emoticon
    3708 days ago
  • no profile photo CD9232742
    emoticon We can do this!!!
    3708 days ago
    Awesome and great attitude
    3708 days ago
    Fantastic, you are a real inspiration to me. I am in the "gaining weight each month" stage.
    3708 days ago
  • no profile photo CD534346
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

    61 pounds is AWESOME!!!!

    I'm looking forward to watching your progress!! GREAT post and inspiration for moving ahead!!!
    3708 days ago
    Profound and inspiring!! You are doing it!! Thanks so much for sharing. You deserve a great deal of credit. Here's hoping that as you lose weight you also lose the pain. I didn't lose all the pain, but I lost a lot of it. I just have felt better and better. Hope you do, too. You are smart to write it down. You are smart to think about motivating yourself during the tough times. This piece is a great motivator!! Thanks.
    3708 days ago
    3708 days ago
    Congratulations and you have a WONDERFUL attitude!
    3709 days ago
  • no profile photo ANIMALMAGIC
    Caz directed me to your page and I'm so grateful she did - what an inspiration you are! I too have left and re-joined Spark People a couple of times but realise I need this support and constant motivation from lovely people like you.
    You are emoticon
    Jay x
    3709 days ago
  • no profile photo CD5645667
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    3709 days ago
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    3709 days ago
    emoticon Jen you've come a long way hun and over come so much.
    Can you imagine what you'll be writing in a year's time...or even 6 months.
    emoticon emoticon
    3709 days ago
    You are doing great! Keep up the fight, I am in your corner cheering you on! RUN JEN RUN!!!
    3709 days ago
  • no profile photo CD7289565
    You just Rock! You have had to overcome so much, and you are still truckin' along. I am proud of you. I can't wait to see how this next year goes and all the new adventures you'll have.
    3709 days ago
    Thanks for posting your thoughts in this blog. It was a good decision to right it all down. I need to save a copy of this and sit down and write about my own journey. You have learned so much and experienced a lot of success in many areas. Good for you and keep forging that trail because emoticon
    3709 days ago
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    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.