Really - what **IS** the hurry?

Monday, May 02, 2011

I've been going over my calorie range and feeling hungry and dissatisfied again. I'm still tracking, just to see HOW much over I am and if there's a satiety point somewhere - then maybe I need to up my calories.

I've also been paying attention to other stuff that's been happening in my life - like the merger of the non-profit I was involved with, with another, larger one in a different town. The merger happened back in Feb and I thought someone was going to be hired to replace me in a job I've been doing as a volunteer for over a year. That didn't happen so I've been hanging on, doing the bare minimum. I knew I was growing weary of this long, drawn out separation - but it must have been getting to me more than I knew. I've been randomly stuffing my face with high-fat food (fat is not usually my "thing" - carbs are).

So I examined my feelings around how this was going down and had a chat with the Executive Director this morning. This org is expanding rapidly and so understandably some stuff is disorganized, etc. I get that. But I indicated that I didn't want to be in this "volunteer" position any longer than the end of the month. That seemed to be ok.

Then came the binge. I realized that I want out NOW. So I analyzed what would truly help me feel better about this whole thing and sent a small list to the Exec Dir. I felt a little bad but I'd hung in there 2 months going on 3 months longer than I had intended. Enough already.

It's funny - while I felt better stating my needs, I also feel nervous because of it. And also a bit of a cop out. I really believe in this org and what they do - but I also need to focus on me and my health. The stress of hanging on and hanging on was starting to tell on me and that stymied my weight loss.

I'm prepared to take a longer weight loss journey and see where it leads me. Apparently there are many things I need to figure out along the way. Challenges need to be faced, limitations observed and dealt with and feelings sorted out. OK - I knew when I signed up that this was my "lifestyle change". So I guess I get to "deal with it".

I did practice some breathing exercises and took my nap. I have set limits for myself. I must always take a nap around 1 pm for 2-3 hours. If not, I get eye strain really badly and can't see anything - which truly does suck. Napping helps refresh me so I can both deal with and see during the rest of the day.

So I will not hurry down this path at breakneck speed and take shortcuts - even though they seem tempting. The number on the scale is NOT the important thing. The important thing is to be happy and healthy and design a lifestyle that I love that will KEEP me healthy and happy for the rest of my life.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    You know, I understand you believe in the organization but.....if they are taking this long to 'replace' you, then it may be that [a] they don't want you to leave at all or [b] have slipped over the line into taking advantage of you. Either way, you owe it to yourself to do exactly what you are doing - submitting your letter and telling them you cannot continue. Enough already!

    I love your attitude - after all, what IS the hurry anyway??? Good call!

    3695 days ago
  • no profile photo CD5195119
    emoticon for you my friend. We have had such similiar journies so far! I totally hear you and understand what you mean about this not being a race! We WILL get to our goals...and we will do it at our own pace so that we keep ourselves happy along the way! I believe in you Jen!!

    Oh....been about our next goal be that big 70 badge! Figure that would be good since we are both dealing with 'issues' right now :) LOVE YA!
    3695 days ago
  • no profile photo CD9394210
    Change is always hard but you seem to have made a good decision for yourself. emoticon
    3695 days ago
    Definitely not a race, the numbers are only one of the things to look at.

    good for you for standing up for your needs. I need to figure out what mine are...LOL
    3695 days ago
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    You are so right, it's not the number on the scale and it's not a race. My scale broke this week, and I'm thinking of taking a break and using my clothes as a guide. We also have to remember that we have lives to live and deal with also. Great blog.
    3695 days ago
    Good for you, Jen. So many of us - and I put myself near the top there - fail to notice what is going on in our minds and plough on thoughtlessly - doing what we've always done and getting what we've always got. As always you have applied your thoughtful intelligence to figure out what is best for YOU at the moment. DON'T feel bad about leaving your volunteer work to someone else - you have the right to take care of yourself. I salute you. emoticon emoticon
    3695 days ago
    I love that you're doing what's right for you and you're not rushing things.
    Great job!
    3695 days ago
    It's so refreshing to see someone who is in tune with what she needs and willing to forego the quick fix for the permanent one. Good on you!
    3695 days ago
    You said it well. We all have to figure out why we eat and what our triggers are! Kudos to you for blogging it.
    3695 days ago
    I am glad that you were able to identify what was not working for you. For me, I think that some times that is the hardest thing is to figure out the "why am I eating and not thinking".

    Do what works for you Jen. This is your life and your journey and you will find love and support here from your Spark friends!

    Terri =)
    3695 days ago
    YES! YES! YES!!!! This is not a race...but you don't want to leave yourself feeling hungry because of some ridiculous time line ... if you do that, you won't will end up giving up...modify your tracked amounts of things...I don'e eat the carbs recommended because they make me eat more instead of less...I have problems getting all my fat in most days....and I set my calorie range to span from 1200 to my "recommended" 1750...and then I just try to make my percentages match up with the recommended percentages....bla bla bla...make it work for you...I feel your pain on the job front...and know just how much that can weigh on you so you end up trying to turn to the old habits that put all that weight on eating a bunch of JUNK!!! NEVER GIVE UP!!!! I'm with you...
    3695 days ago
    Great job! Take it slow and easy! I think everyone's stressed out about now too. I know I've been going over the last few days.
    3695 days ago
    Good job Jen, sounds like you know what you want and need and are headed in the right direction to do it. Good luck hon, you can do it.
    3695 days ago
  • no profile photo CD7782993
    Good for you for articulating your needs in your volunteer position and for getting a handle on what's happening in your life. Hope things get sorted out favorably soon. You are right,. This is not a race and shortcuts lead to shortfalls - falling short of heading in the right direction to better health. You are not giving up . You are re-evaluating how you want to reach your goal and what lifestyle changes you CAN make at this point in your life that will be sustainable. Wish you well in this journey.
    3695 days ago
    Voted for your blog. I think you are right on.
    3695 days ago
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