Really - what **IS** the hurry?
Monday, May 02, 2011
I've been going over my calorie range and feeling hungry and dissatisfied again. I'm still tracking, just to see HOW much over I am and if there's a satiety point somewhere - then maybe I need to up my calories.
I've also been paying attention to other stuff that's been happening in my life - like the merger of the non-profit I was involved with, with another, larger one in a different town. The merger happened back in Feb and I thought someone was going to be hired to replace me in a job I've been doing as a volunteer for over a year. That didn't happen so I've been hanging on, doing the bare minimum. I knew I was growing weary of this long, drawn out separation - but it must have been getting to me more than I knew. I've been randomly stuffing my face with high-fat food (fat is not usually my "thing" - carbs are).
So I examined my feelings around how this was going down and had a chat with the Executive Director this morning. This org is expanding rapidly and so understandably some stuff is disorganized, etc. I get that. But I indicated that I didn't want to be in this "volunteer" position any longer than the end of the month. That seemed to be ok.
Then came the binge. I realized that I want out NOW. So I analyzed what would truly help me feel better about this whole thing and sent a small list to the Exec Dir. I felt a little bad but I'd hung in there 2 months going on 3 months longer than I had intended. Enough already.
It's funny - while I felt better stating my needs, I also feel nervous because of it. And also a bit of a cop out. I really believe in this org and what they do - but I also need to focus on me and my health. The stress of hanging on and hanging on was starting to tell on me and that stymied my weight loss.
I'm prepared to take a longer weight loss journey and see where it leads me. Apparently there are many things I need to figure out along the way. Challenges need to be faced, limitations observed and dealt with and feelings sorted out. OK - I knew when I signed up that this was my "lifestyle change". So I guess I get to "deal with it".
I did practice some breathing exercises and took my nap. I have set limits for myself. I must always take a nap around 1 pm for 2-3 hours. If not, I get eye strain really badly and can't see anything - which truly does suck. Napping helps refresh me so I can both deal with and see during the rest of the day.
So I will not hurry down this path at breakneck speed and take shortcuts - even though they seem tempting. The number on the scale is NOT the important thing. The important thing is to be happy and healthy and design a lifestyle that I love that will KEEP me healthy and happy for the rest of my life.