Thursday, July 07, 2011
I am pulling myself out of a slump. I hope the times I spend down there are getting shorter and shorter, but sometimes it is hard to tell.
I know what did it:
-end of the school year/part of my Masters program madness
- decision to start trying to have a baby and the stress I was putting on myself
- anger at myself for that decision not resulting in a positive result month 1
- stress over roommate moving out (still!- think I am over it now)
- completion of one goal without the next one set up to keep the motivation going
Those are the main things. The worst part was the slip back into binge eating. I don't know why I do it when I do...it feels terrible and makes me feel so guilty- and the whole time I convinced myself I would reach out to Spark right after I was done. But then I would put it off.
Another factor was thinking if I am trying to get pregnant, I don't want to track food while I am pregnant. I have been trying really hard to make god choices without tracking. Because when I rely on that, and then I run out of time to do it, I fall apart. So, I want to be able to make good choices without out, but maybe I am not ready to go back there yet.
Anyway- trying a new plan. I really want these lifestyles changes to become my NORMAL HABITS....not what I do to try to lose weight. What if the weight never comes off? I want to love myself even if that happens.
I have a goal sheet with 25 mini goals. (Sounds like a lot, but a few are gimmes that I just want to be able to check off daily like- take your vitamin, drink your water, brush teeth. Some are things I need to make more consistent habits- floss, move at least 10, 20, 30 minutes, eat small meals 5 times per day). I got my baseline data set up, am working on an intervention plan, and reinforcement system (the behaviorist in training inside of me insists that I can use these techniques on myself).
Oh, and I am weighing everyday. Not to obsess over it, but to keep myself informed. I need to see what eating a triple serving of fast food does to me, or a good day does for me...and see how normal the weight fluctuation is.
Another thing on the list- blogging daily. Will probably be mostly here...I promise I am back and will be better than ever.