The NERVE of my own kids!

Sunday, July 24, 2011

I come here to write because I have no real friends locally. The people I work with are very nice but also very different, no one I can really get to know as a friend. My two oldest friends are across the country and are involved with their own lives...husbands, grandchildren, normal stuff. So I come here when life is "getting" to me and I need to vent. VENTING TIME!

As you may know (if you read my installments), I recently lost my father. It caused more anxiety than I expected and after 3 weeks of hearing from no one from that side of my family, I finally heard from my mother, in response to an e-mail I had sent to her a few days after it happened. She politely thank me for the nice words, which is her M.O. and then surprisingly mentioned to me that my ex-husband had CALLED her, "just as he was returning from his honeymoon." This WAS a surprise!

First of all...they are MY parents and as far as I'm concerned, he has NO right to be calling. In fact, the ONLY way he could have even found out about my father was through a "friend" of ours, who is on my Facebook and must have told him when he saw the announcement I made to my friends (since my dad was the high school coach at my school and alot of my old friends had him for PE or as a coach)

I knew he had a girlfriend (who I saw in a photo a couple of years ago, thinking it was his sister at the time...eeuuu!) but didn't know they had married (which I'm assuming is his bride...after all, who wouldn't want to marry a sister-look-a-like?) I forwarded my mothers letter to each of my kids mostly for their response the the news of his marriage and my daughter responded, "Oh, you didn't know he got married?"

Now am I wrong to feel SO disappointed and insulted, not from the ex (who hasn't communicated ONE word since we split) but from my OWN children? All three, I believe knew of the upcoming marriage but NO ONE mentioned it to me!

Oh, I know...maybe they were trying to spare my feelings and didn't want to get me upset...I DON'T accept that! Do THEY respect ME so little that they couldn't be honest with me? Tears run down my face as I write this because of the hurt I'm feeling right now. Am I being unreasonable? But to MY loved ones, I tell the truth and then am there if they need own children couldn't do this for ME! Boy, talk about feeling alone!

I realize I have been a bit of a sucker over my lifetime...but I think, NO, I KNOW it's time to make a life for ME and let everyone else fly their own journeys...I can't worry about them all while I slowly deteriorate myself. Don't I deserve some kind of respect? Boy, if I could only have the last ten years back of my life, things WOULD be different. Having just turned 60 does have the tendency to knock me back a step or two but if not now...then when?

Thanks for your attention. My rant is over and I feel much better! As always, Sparkpeople is there for me! Have a great week, ya'll!
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  • MAGGIE620
    My whole point is that the "ex" getting married doesn't really bother me at all! What has hurt me to the bone is the fact that my own children couldn't be honest enough with me to tell me. I can't help but wonder what else they must be hiding from me over the years when I have always tried so hard to be open and honest. MY family never talked about anything and I believe that is why they are so dysfunctional. It was so important to me that WE didn't end up that way and THAT is what hurts now!
    And another thing that kind of "gauls" me is that over the years one family member would have their little tift with another and "I'm not talking to THEM anymore", drama, etc, etc...guess who was the one who got members to see each others sides and end up embracing? You guessed! You're right,'s now all about ME!
    Thank you for all of your does help tremendously...kind of my online shrink session, at much more reasonable prices too...thanks!
    3580 days ago

    Comment edited on: 7/24/2011 10:02:30 PM
    Maybe your kids knew how upset it would make ya for what ever reason....

    I mean, I talked on with me ex's mom up until she passed 2 years back, she n I were pretty good friends! Where as I still cant have a chat with me ex that doesnt
    end up with a headache, hahaah.

    Now they know it bugged ya, and, when similar things come up in tha future, I hope they keep it in mind.
    3580 days ago
    Hello my SPFriend. It is always hurtful to us when we think we know someone and then they surprise us. I can relate. But be kind and think on the positive side that perhaps they were just trying to spare your feelings. I say this because pain and hurt can harbor and infest the mind in other ways. Dear friend learn and live with this new knowledge but do not let it lead your path. You are a strong woman simply because you have chosen to take this difficult journey and rely on perfect strangers to give you the support, encouragement and inspiration you will need along the way. But you can do this, we are here for you. Smile and be kind I say because it will make you feel good, I know this for sure !!!! GOD is good.
    3580 days ago
    It is childish, vindictive, hurtful and more to be sure. But your last paragraph sums up where you need to focus now . . . on YOU. The heck with worrying about everyone else! Your kids are in their 30's/40's. Yes, they SHOULD be old enough to be more adult in their handling of situations, but obviously that is not the case. SO, you know that situation and you cannot control that. But you CAN control your reaction to the situation and that is TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF.


    3580 days ago
  • MAGGIE620
    Thank you for the kind words BUT my kids are all in their 30's and 40's. I THOUGHT we were close and because my family had never shared things, I always made it a point to share things. I guess I'm just hurt because they didn't let me know a simple update...I would have informed them! Most of the problems today (as I see it) IS the lack of communication and I feel like I failed miserably in my own home.
    But thank again for your input.
    3580 days ago
    Well I hope you get to read this.I am 18 and have had divorced parents since (this is gonna sound weird) my mom was 6 months prego with me.I have a brother whom is 5 years older and growing up there were things we never told our mom (we lived with our dad).I can honestly tell you it never occured to us to let her know that our stepmom was even pregnant, our mom didn't know we had a brother until he was 1 or 2.She was hurt, but we told her, it didn' toccur to us because the kid is no no way related to her and our father has a right to his own life. Even in high school my brother and I kept our secrets, because it's our life and we want to learn. My point is this, your kids were probably thinking the same way we did.It's his life and his wife, they probably thought why would mom care, she's moved on.I don't know how to explain it any better.The way kids see it is "our parents are divorced for a reason, why should they care?" Now I hope they see you do care, and in the future hopefully they will let you know of other extreme comings.Don't feel upset or betrayed, they might be grown up but we aren't our parents, and haven't been throught the things you have (such as divorce).
    3581 days ago
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