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Speechless in Salem,

Friday, July 29, 2011

Yesterday I had a couple of light headed experiences. I had a headache and couldn't even sit at the computer to Spark.
I spent most of the afternoon in bed. I felt a little better by evening, or so I thought.
I was making butternut squash risotto , stirring the broth in and had to sit down, still dizzy. But I finished the dish, and it tasted fantastic..
I had planned to get in a lot of Spark time, but the way I felt, I could only huddled, with my teams , left a few messages and checked my friends feed before I had to go back to bed.
This morning I work up , thinking what ever is wrong is gone.
Well it wasn't. I was still dizzy and felt weak, achy.
I didn't go to my office, didn't log on to the computer. Didn't check in on Spark.
Thought I have all day to do that.
I decided to stay home and not go to my aerobics classes today.
I can still get in exercises here at home. I can do some strength training.
I have a Nordic track to walk on. Resistance bands, weights , exercise ball, DVD's. and if I feel better I have a pool here at the apartment to get in some water exercises.
But in my head I had this inner conflict about whether I should go or not.
Voice 1. said," Go , don't give in to little sick feeling .." Voice 2. " No stay home, take care of yourself." Voice 1. " That's how you start to slack off, miss one time now and the next time will be easier." Voice 2. " you know what's best for yourself, do what you think is right.". Voice 1. " You will feel better when you get to the gym, you always do.". OK, "Enough,: I cried out. I am tired of this inner conflict in my head. Just shut up, I am not going that's it. I can do other things and one missed cardio class will not set me back as far as my exercises go.
Well with that decided , I laid back in bed and looked at the clock . As it got closer to the time I should be leaving for the gym I wonder whether I was making the right decision . Maybe I could go, maybe I should, the inner voices were coming back. " No, I am not going to risk my health for one aerobics class."
The time passed that I should leave and I felt relieved. I laid there thinking about all the other inner conflicts we have with ourselves.
I have them when I am out shopping. I see something I want , and Voice 2 . says "YOU don't need that." Voice 1. , "Yes you do. It will be gone if you wait. " Voice 2. , You can't afford to get it now. Voice 1. Get it, worry about money later.
You get the idea. To be honest I have quite a conflict with shopping. But I am getting much better. I am listening to voice number 2 almost all he time. I am resisting impulse shopping, and only buying when I have the actual extra cash to pay for it.
Of course we all have heard the inner voices when it comes to food choices.
Ever been out at a restaurant , Say Olive Garden, you keeping looking at the Chicken Alfredo, compared to the Lemon Chicken. One had a 1250 calories, the other 550. The inner voice in your head is telling you have the Alfredo, it won't hurt. You earned it. The other voice is saying , No, don't waste calories on that fat heavy food. You are doing so good. Don't blow it now. . But the Alfredo voice is really pushing you to just this once eat something that you used to love and eat all the time. But the good stay on track voice is telling you stay strong. choose the Lemon Chicken. And if you must indulge share a dessert with someone. The good voice is the one I listen too.
This is one battle of voices that I am winning. Voice number two (2), the good voice is coming out ahead in all my inner food conflicts. In fact there isn't many food voices any more. Through time I have learned what is best for me.
So you want to know where the Speechless in Salem comes in??????
When I checked my e-mails and saw so many Spark comments on my Spark page. Many photo comments too.
I wondered what was going on. I thought my computer had gone haywire and was repeating the messages or something.
I checked my Spark page and that's when I found out I was MOD for the day.
I was totally surprised. Really speechless. And it's not often I am speechless!.
There are so many people who have achieved excellent success on Spark , to be included with them is such an honor..
I promise that I will get back to each person who has left a message on my page or given me a goodie. Or commented on a photo.
It's the friendship. the acknowledgement from others that encourages one to keep this journey going. Besides the great feeling I experience each day when I get up and realise that I am 149 pounds. I am no longer obese. I can do almost anything I want. I have no barriers preventing me from achieving what ever I want to do.
When I look at myself in the mirror, I am finally getting used to the person I see .
I have accepted myself, whatever shape my older body might be in. There are wrinkles that were not there before, but there is muscle and strength that I have recently developed. I have a sparkle in my eye , a smile on my face and the shocking red hair will brighten up any day.
My life has take on new meaning. I want to give back as much as I can.
I am mentoring a couple of women now, guiding them on Spark and helping them
in anyway I can. I believe support is so important in success. I see them twice or three times a week and they have my e mail to keep in touch. They are doing water aerobics and soon we are going to try a short walking program. Need to get them outside and moving as much as I can.
I can't begin to thank all the lovely friends and members here on Spark who have encouraged and supported me during this time I have been on Spark.
And even though I am almost to the goal I set, 145 lbs, I am not going any place.
I will continue to Spark and track and be just as involved as I can be.
This site has been a lifesaver, the best healthy, fitness site there is..
I can't say enough good things about Spark.
Thought for today."The power to shape my life lies in my own hands. I'll be careful not to give it away."
Believe in yourself.
Stay positive.
Peace and love,
Tisha
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • COOKWITHME65
    Hi Tisha, I have been away but wanted to congratulate you on your MOD award. emoticon and that butternut risotto sounds great. I have never made risotto before. Hope your dizziness has disappeared.
    3599 days ago
  • BEATRIZ269
    Tisha,

    I agree wholeheartedly with CANNIE50. I was immediately concerned about the dizziness and hope you do have a handle on what that's about. I also am in awe about the vividness of your blog. Everytime I read your blog, I am always very touched with the way you really express from a deep level and I hear it all, the gratitude, frustration, light heartednes and joy. I view you as a mentor and I am sure I am not the only one.

    Look forward to continued sparking!!!

    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    3603 days ago
  • CANNIE50
    Okay, when I began to read this blog I immediately became concerned about you. With dizziness (and the amount of exercise you do) I immediately wondered if you were dehydrated but I am guessing you are on top of that. I really hope you feel completely better. You are just such a gem. Of course you are M.O.D. - you are amazing. I LOVE your blogs. I love the details you include, and how you include your successes and your struggles. My favorite thing about this blog, though, was when you talked about how wonderful you feel waking up and realizing you are no longer drowning in obesity. That used to be my first thought as I was fat and getting fatter - I would wake up and it would hit me and I would feel the despair and the remorse. I am SO happy for you and all the blessings in your life which you so richly deserve and if I could wave a magic wand I would shower you with a great big shopping spree! emoticon
    3603 days ago
  • no profile photo CD10377285
    You are awesome! emoticon
    3607 days ago
  • IOWAGRAMMA
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    Great blog, Tisha! Jeannie
    3608 days ago
  • CARLANNIE
    Shoot - I had 'liked' your page the other day and thought I'd commented on it, but guess not. WTG, kiddo!!! You deserve it. More people should be reading about your positive outlook on everything, including that Food Combat that you have controlled in your brain. You rock!

    I don't think you mentioned if your dizziness went away? That's not something to mess with. emoticon
    3608 days ago
  • REXTINE1
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    3608 days ago
  • CHINAGAL
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    You are amazing!
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    Edna
    3608 days ago
  • JOANOFSPARK
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    You deserve it.....you motivate and inspire on a daily basis.....I am so happy for you...doing a happy dance for you in fact!! emoticon
    3608 days ago
  • no profile photo CD8480036
    GOOD for you ....you always motivate and inspire. YOU deserve being MOD of the day! WOO HOO! Have a joy filled day, Karen emoticon
    3608 days ago
  • JILL313
    You so deserve to MOD as you motivate me and so many others. . .You also care so much about all of us. I am so happy you are going to keep Sparking when you reach your goal weight as Spark just won't be the same or as soon without your lively prescence. Do get your dizzy symptoms checked out by a Dr. next week or go to Urgent Care if you can't wait. You are a great Mentor!

    Hugs,

    Jill
    3608 days ago
  • MERRIKATE
    I'm with you, Tisha! I've stayed within 5 lb of my realistic goal weight (not my dream weight yet!) for over a year now, and still Spark, Spark and Spark some more as a great way to hang on to what I have achieved. There is a whole committee of debating voices in my head most of the time, so I try my best to be Chair of the Meeting!

    As others have said, a dizzy spell with feeling a little 'off' is something to get checked asap -- could be a symptom of something that needs attention NOW. And it is always great to find out that what concerned you is nothing serious -- so you win, either way.

    Please don't dally on getting a check-up?

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    3608 days ago
  • KIKOOMAGOO
    Congratulations on being MOD! I certainly feel motivated by you!
    3608 days ago
  • MORTICIAADDAMS
    I certainly hope you don't have any more of the dizzy headache epidoses and that you always choose the lemon chicken. LOL. I had no idea that alfredo chicken would be that high YIKES!! Congrats on being MOD. I was so proud of you.
    3608 days ago
  • QTEALADY20031
    Tish you definitely deserve MOD Congratulations! I just saw this so I hope you are still celebrating! Hugs, June
    3608 days ago
  • DESERTFLOWER8
    Tisha==congratulations to you on the honor of being MOD! Thank you for all of the "you", you so graciously share with all of us. You are relentlessly positive, and charged with energy. The pounds you have lost leave me in awe..as does the exrcise and activity you engage in every day. You are showing me what it can be like to truly LIVE this life. To say you are an inspiration, by far understates it. You are a most extraordinary woman. And my hero. XOXOXOXO
    3609 days ago
  • ESILBO
    THANKS FOR SHARING, YOU ARE A GREAT ACCOMPLISHMENT
    LOVE
    LISE emoticon
    3609 days ago
  • KAMAPERRY
    You deserve that title, I would say you totally earned it! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon As far as the dizzyness, I agree with Maggie, please see your dr!
    3609 days ago
  • MAGGIEROSEBOWL
    Oh I forgot to say-maybe you should go to the doctor about the light headedness. I worry about you Tish, and you could pass out or fall, and break something. NOT GOOD! Take care!!
    3609 days ago
  • MAGGIEROSEBOWL
    WOW--MOD!! That is awesome, I didn't even realize it! You deserve it. You motivate me every single day and I appreciate it more than you know.

    I too experience the voices! It sucks to have to be strong all the time, but like you said, the rewards are so worth it. Today I went to Red Lobster for lunch. I had crab and Parmesan crusted tilapia, not knowing how many calories it was. I hate that, not knowing. But it seemed like the only fattening thing in it was the bread crumbs in the crust. Sure enough, I got home and checked and it was only 430 calories. Not bad. I had broccoli with it, gave my baked potato to hubby, ate no garlic cheese rolls and had lite vinaigrette on my salad. I think the total was under 700 calories. NOT BAD. Yes, it's a lot, and more than I would have eaten when I was trying to lose, but I am aiming for 1,500 calories now on maintenance, so that will fit in nicely. It seems to be working. I hit my goal of 160 on April 15, and now 3 1/2 months later I weight 149--I can live with that. Told hubby today I should kick it in gear again and try to get to 145. But he said I didn't need to. At first when I hit goal I was afraid to up my calorie limit, I was afraid of trying to stay the same, I needed to keep losing to feel "safe." But now I'm kinda used to seeing the same numbers pop up every day on the scale. I'm always happiest when it's a number in the 140's instead of the 150's (today it was 149.2!), and am content to just try to stay here. It's not like it's a huge lifestyle change from what I was doing to lose. I keep walking, and I stay hyper-aware of absolutely everything I put in my mouth. I cook healthy, I buy healthy, and I really really try to EAT healthy.

    Congrats again on a great honor--well deserved for my favorite Spark pal!!
    3609 days ago
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