This life of Mine is NOT going well...HELP!

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

OK...this is pure emotion oozing from my heart!
I lost my job last week! It's taken this long for me to stop crying and TRY to examine WHAT I am doing wrong? I really liked working with these abused families but must admit, I didn't really "fit in" from the beginning. This little town I live in, is in the "DEEP SOUTH", so deep that there is actually a language barrier between me and the natives so I've gotten into the habit of nodding and smiling alot or politely asking, "what was that?", not understanding what the heck someone is saying. I am from California, from back in the 50-80's and I'm proud to say a very liberal state (at least back then) and I got a great education. This little town is...well how do I put this? I am in the minority...which I don't have any problem with, at ALL! But when you ARE the only member at your job of the white persuasion, it IS noticeable. What I have noticed is a "difference" within the actual race itself, I mean theirs now. People here tell me it's a "have and have not" mentality which I don't really understand but OK. Not being from here, I can't really understand it all BUT is this why I don't fit in?
I've been meditating twice a day, trying to find some kind of I putting out some kind of different "vibe" to these people or do I have some REALLY terrible Karma I'm paying back now? AND the weight? Forget about it! I'm the highest I've EVER been in my life, gaining another 6 lbs while working at the shelter (southerners DO eat a terrible diet though and I SWEAR I only tasted a couple of things). I am waiting to hear about my disability case, having x-rays and dr's appts this week. The ONLY income I have now is a drug testing study I volunteered for - how pathetic is THAT! Honestly, I hope I get some weird side effect that shortens my life considerably...someone HELP me see this differently...I REALLY need help! No health insurance means I can't get mental health help (needed MOST right now) and I can't afford to move to another country which I would in a heartbeat if possible. I know there are others facing the same mental anguish as I...please tell me what has helped you...I AM desperate!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Maggie please give us an update, I just getting to read your blog today and feel terrible that I was unable to get to you before now. You will be in my prayers.
    I have been in your shoes unemployed for 2 + years before I was even offered a PT job which I am still at and I love every minute of it. I am in a position that I can make people smile and feel welcomed everyday, I quit smoking and made a commitment to myself to get healthy and I have been sucessful although I still do not have medical insurance.
    There are alternatives and there is help out there and I know all to well that it doesn't come knocking on your door to offer you anything and it's hard work and frustrating to even find help from the gov't, it's a shame that's for sure. but it is out there you just have to do the leg work, which can be a good thing cause it takes your mind off of the "other" things worrying you.
    Be kind to yourself dear and know that we SPARK FRIENDS are here for you, so PLEASE stay in touch.
    3554 days ago
  • no profile photo CD6842331
    It sounds like your life is imploding (or maybe exploding) and you are experiencing a mix of conflicting emotions. Life is like that sometimes -

    There is a cycle of thought, feeling, action - pick any one and change it and the others will follow. You can do this yourself, or find someone to help you - if you can get your hands on any of the Becks' books (or columns - Martha writes one for the Oprah Magazine) or online, you'll have a "virtual guide".

    Free mental health services are available - go to your local hospital and ask for help - or call your local United Way for a referral. There may also be a crisis hotline that could give you some referrals.

    Structure your day, even if it feels totally artificial - go for a walk at a regular time, eat regularly. The more you do, the more you will be able to do - depression is insidious and will eat your motivation and energy insatiably. Give yourself permission to despair - but only for a limited time (set the timer for 10 minutes, feel all the despair, then, when the bell rings, do SOMETHING different (walk, clean, find one positive thing to think about) - only do this once a day, and when you feel the despair coming back on, tell yourself that you can't go there until tomorrow's session...

    You are not alone - and you are not powerless.

    3558 days ago
    Firt off don't despair. There is Mental Health available to those who can not pay, Go to a free clinic and ask for help. Second the job can be replaced with another one just look. If your suffering a disability see if you can find a lawyer that can help you get it. My sister lost her job all of a sudden and couldn't get another because of health problems. She found a lawyer who would help her with the red tape and she got her disability check. You can also apply for medical help. Don't give up fight for what you can do to help yourself. I wish you luck I know how hard it can be when you have depression but you have to get help.
    3559 days ago
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