Sunday, August 21, 2011
Today is the day that I need to take a good look at what I'm doing to myself. Since last December, I have regained 40 pounds! That's 4 ten pound bags of potatoes! No wonder I'm so tired. I'm not happy with this, not at all.
I just gave up on my weight loss journey. I think it all stemmed from my bitterness over WW - which is foolish really - the only person I hurt was myself. I was loyal to the WW system, had worked for them for almost 2 years. After I had quit working for them, I rejoined meetings as a member when I was 10 pounds over my goal so I could try their 'new and improved' program for 6 weeks. After following that 'program' for six weeks, I gained even more weight. The meeting leader just told me it was all in my head in front of everyone - I can't forget nor forgive that. But it's no big deal to them that I gained - they only cared about my money. I tried to use their old program, the program I lost my weight on, and it worked for a while but I didn't want anything at all to do with WW.
So I tried to turn back to SP - but it just wasn't in me to track. And I know I need tracking - it is the key to my success. I was depressed and couldn't get out of that black space. Slowly the clouds are lifting.
I am starting over. I'm not going to let the fact that I've regained 40 pounds get to me anymore. I'm not a failure - at least it's not the entire 150 pounds. I need to forgive myself and realize that I NEED to do this for me. Slowly I have been getting back into my weight loss journey. This journey is for me, not for any one else. Not for WW, not for SP, not for anyone but me.
Since August 1, I lost 8 pounds; even though the last week of work was crazy and I regained 4 pounds that week - I am going to keep going. No exercise, no tracking that week; just working hard and filling my face was my downfall.
Well this week it's going to be different. I'm on 3 weeks' vacation and I'm going to find myself again. I have fallen into the trap of a workaholic - spending ALL of my energy for the people I work for. And I know better, I've been burnt out before and it can sneak up on me again.
So I've been tracking my work and making healthy eating choices - starting today. So far I have been able to resist DH's pepperoni pizza screaming my name from the fridge. AND I have gone on a 43 minute fast paced walk outside already. I have loaded an audiobook so I can 'read a book' while staying active today. Yesterday I went to the farmer's market and filled my fridge with fresh fruit and veggies.
And this blog is kind of like a cleansing of the soul. I said what I had to - it's out there and off my chest.
So far so good..........