My mind won't shut off!

Monday, August 22, 2011

First off this is not a complaint about my life. I have a pretty good life and I know it. But there are a combinati0n of good stress/bad stress that is just got me wore out. I'm thinking if I can just word vomit it out maybe it will give me some clarity.

#1 Teen Daughter. Number one stress. I love her, she is my one and only. She is nearly 15. Any advice would happily be taken, PLEASE HELP!!!! The story:
My daughter met a boy and they started dating. She isn't allowed to date one on one, but in a group. Well things were okay then he broke up with her and as young teens are she was pretty upset. Then the drama goes on and he comes back but at this point is pressuring her for basically sex. The only reason I know this is because she told me. She got in trouble at home and I confiscated her phone and looked through her text messages. This kid is bad news. Bad. She's telling him no, and to stop pressuring her and he is using a lot of manipulation tactics to switch guilt around on her. Now I'm in a situation... she does not know I looked at her texts. She felt enough trust in me to talk to me about the situation which is something I would have NEVER done at her age with my parents. I want her to make the right decision and have enough self respect to do it.
She wanted to hang out with him today. I said no. I just know how this story goes. If I say no then what is an open relationship becomes a sneaking around one, oh I'm going to my girlfriends house when really she's meeting up with this loser. It keeps me up at night because I don't want to push her away, but I don't want this kid around her at all and I'd really just like to lock her in her room.
I know if I did tell my mom something and then got punished with the info I shared then I just stopped saying anything... I don't want that. I knew when I had a girl these years were coming, but now that they are here I'm still not prepared. Sigh.
That is the biggest thing going on. The other stuff is small in comparison but I thought I'd still spill it.

My husband and I have completely different styles of making decisions. I make a decision and I go with it. I don't really look back. He sorta makes a decision, changes his mind about 50 times and things sit in limbo forever. Since so much in marriage is a mutual decision this makes me insane. I get stuck, I need to have something decided so I can move on to the next thing... he can have 20 things in limbo and be perfectly fine. Sigh.

We bought a place up north to spend our weekends. We were mistakenly under the impression that it came fully furnished. Now we are planning on a vacation at the end of the week there with the kids (my kid and his kids) and no beds or anything to sleep on and no more money to buy the stuff! So now I'm searching craigslist to try to find something cheap... but we have to have 1 bunk bed, 1 bed for my daughter and a bed for us by Thursday. Yeah, great.

So yah, that's life. Doing the best I can, made it through the weekend and did alright. Didn't lose anything but didn't gain. My pants feel looser which is fab. I just need a good night sleep and maybe things will be clearer to me.
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  • DIXIED88
    For the vacay, I would say sleeping bags and air mattresses. It could be fun!

    I only have a 4 year old boy so I don't have any advice other than from being there a decade or so ago myself. I would allow the boy to hang out with the FAMILY. Play cards, watch movies, go to the mall together. She's 15 and won't like it but at least it won't be no. If the boy is really that bad of news, he won't want to hang out with the family and will find an easier target. Mom did it to me with my first long haired boyfriend and found out he was decent b/c he would play skip-bo with the family for hours. lol

    Just be there for her. She's being honest with you and that's very positive. *hugs!*
    3626 days ago
  • JUSTME29
    Can you pick up cheapie blow up mattresses for this trip? Maybe Wal-Mart end of season sale or even at a thrift store? Is the place carpeted? If it is just take sleeping bags and sleep on the floor. It may not be super comfy, but it'll be "roughing it" until you are able to build up to having furniture. Even a big ol' pile of blankets might be enough padding (esp for the kids) for now.

    The sex talk is tough. It's great that she's talking to you about it. All you can do is tell her that you want her to wait, that she's not old enough, and that if he loves her he'll wait. (wow, I sound like an after school special). You don't have to tell her you read the texts, but maybe you could create a story. Something like "when I was your age I was dating this guy..." and this fictional guy maybe said some of the exact same things from the texts that you read.

    If she broached the subject she probably had an outcome in mind. Was she using you as a sounding board or did she want you to take a specific action? Maybe ask her what she wants you to do to help.

    In the end though she's going to do what she's going to do, and you'll just have to love her anyway.
    3626 days ago
    rent the needed things for the time needed . add the things as you go over the years . but to start rent .

    as for daughter please do not let her know that you read the text . they feel so bad when they feel we betrayed them . now they can do any manner of things to you but if step over the line . say your prayers . no advice .. just wishing you good luck . yes boy is bad news and they all want to have sex with their girlfriends .
    3626 days ago
    Wow you do have a lot going on! I understand about your mind not shutting off. I wish I had some advice about your daughter. Not an easy situation! I really wish I could help.
    3627 days ago
  • no profile photo CD2737813
    I've raised 7 teenagers so I know your situation. But what I can't figure in this world is why do they tell the boys to get all they can but tell the girls to keep their legs crossed. Some how that doesn't seem right to me. No matter what you say to your daughter, in the end the final decision is hers and I think that is very important to let her know that you will love her no matter what for the rest of her days although I know sometimes you'd like to cut them days short. Been there, done that.

    Shirley, Mom of 7
    3627 days ago
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