KAEKOFREENOTE

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WHEW!! That was a CLOSE one!

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

As some of you noticed on my status update yesterday, Tuesday was not a fabulous day for me. I don't have a real reason, it was cloudy and rainy and I guess it just got to me. I was "PMS-ey". And I was STARVING, all day. I didn't even track my dinner last night, because with mini-wheat snacks and TWO veggie burgers, I was pretty sure I went over.

So today, I went back and tracked it because I have made a committment...I'm a part of this team, this is our weekly challenge, and even if I went over calories, I still get credit for tracking. So I tracked. And even with my little bit of emotional eating, I was WITHIN my calorie limit!!!!!!!! Because I didn't have a snickers bar, and opted for mini-wheats with strawberry filling instead, I didn't go over!!!!! That was the best feeling in the world...I can actually live, and not destroy all my progress. Awesome. :o)

Second...I've been giving some thought to my goal weight. Currently, I have it set to 145lbs, which is the low end of the healthy range for someone who is 5'9". It's what I weighed in high school, at my lowest. But a dear friend pointed out to me that a) when I weighed 145, I did not look healthy, because my hip bones protruded terribly...I have wide hips, and that was before my kids were born, they're wider now! And b) I'm almost 36 years old. And maybe my body can't and SHOULDN'T go that low again. Maybe there's a more reasonable goal.

At first, I ignored this advice. It seemed like taking the easy way out, to me. After all, I have declared October 9th National Fall Back a Year Day, so I'm not ALMOST FORTY...I'm going to be...um...24 again this year! You know, I've been saying that so long, I have actually begun to believe it. Maybe in part because mentally I still FEEL like I'm in my early twenties. But my friend is right...I'm *not*, and it's time to face that. My body is not 24. It can't bounce back like it used to. And I have Chiari Malformation, and it's got active symptoms now, which it didn't when I was in my mid-twenties. It's really time to face the facts that my body needs me to cut it some damn slack!

Which doesn't mean I let myself be fat. But it does mean that maybe I don't need the body of a 16 year old to be happy with myself. I was down to 170lbs last time I lost weight, and I hadn't exercised so it wasn't toned....and I was happy. I would have liked to tone it, but I was never ashamed of myself. I fit comfortably into 14's and honestly as a grown adult, 11/12's have been the smallest size I've ever been in...my legs are too long, my hip bones too wide, for anything else. I could wear sleeveless shirts, wear shirts that came closer to the body, and I felt not just ok but proud of myself. I wasn't ashamed to look in a mirror, get in front of a camera. I was really just....very happy!!

So I'm thinking of changing my goal weight from 145lbs to 170 or 175lbs. Not because I'm giving up on myself, because hell...I'm still 240 right now, y'all, I still have a path ahead of me! LOL! But because I deserve to not push myself to an unrealistic body weight because it's what society wants to see. I'm almost 40, not almost 25. It's ok for me to look like it. Seriously.

Thoughts?
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • MERRYROBYN
    That's so funny what you wrote, did you ever read my introduction? You have taken the words right at of my mouth. I also think its good to reach smaller goals. When you get down to your goal weight, you can re-assess and see what direction you want to go from there. Maybe it will be to increase your endurance or take pilates for toning.

    Years ago I had my lean body mass measured in a water tank at my gym. I think this is a better way to assess how much your lean body mass weighs. Most average, healthy American women are about 30% body fat.
    3518 days ago
  • BUSY_MOM3
    Your's is the third blog I've read from our team tonight and can I just say that we have the MOST INSPIRING, AWESOME, AMAZING women on the Green Hornets?! I LOVE the fact that you're going to cut yourself some slack, that you're not going to push yourself down farther than you think will look/be healthy! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    3546 days ago
  • BEAMIES
    I agree with everyone else in that you need to find a goal weight that you are comfortable with and works for you. It sounds like you have done that! I ideally would like to get to 160 but that is so far away right now I am doing it in baby steps so the end does not seem to be so unreachable.
    3547 days ago
  • KAKAKALI4
    Love this! Your friend is for sure right! What your BMI says or whatever .. I know they say - my ideal weight is like 140-155 .. but at that weight .. I don't look good. My goal is to just be under 200 first, then around 175-165 ..where ever I land .. I know it will be a comfortable weight for me! So you should be so proud of yourself! You are doing it .. and feeling good ! Keep the exercise up and you will be tone as well as thin!
    Teri
    3548 days ago
  • MRSAHARPER
    Good for you! I actually just did the same thing - had a rough day where I went overboard at dinner time and only tracked it because of the challenge. I found out that I stayed in my range with 26 calories to spare - LOL!

    Changing your weight to 170 is a great idea. The BMI charts that supposedly determine healthy weight ranges don't take into account muscle tone and bone sizes. A good friend of mine is a personal trainer and he is considered overweight according to BMI. His body fat percentage is similar to that of a professional athlete though. So you have to listen to your body more than the charts.

    I've had a great time getting to "know" you during this challenge and I look forward to the next 8 weeks. Go Hornets!
    3548 days ago
  • FREETHEGODDESS
    First I want to say that I also have days that, for no reason, I am starving all day long. It is disturbing when that happens and I feel out of control like I am going to go back to the way things were before SP. It is pretty scary. My suggestion for that is to really sit and think about what feelings may be causing this or if it is truly hormonal. I have Poly Cycstic Ovary Symdrome so I get PMS and don't get an actual period so it comes and goes at almost any time of the month.

    If you don't keep any junk food/binge foods in the house than you are less likely to have an all out binge. I make myself log my food even if it is bad because if I know what the damage is, I can make adjustments on the next couple days to "erase" some of it.

    I totally agree with changing your weight tracker. I have mine set to 185. I just want to be far enough under 200 that I don't have to worry about the 200's ever again. I can always lose more later if I want to. Starting out at 300 pounds (which was a shock in itself) I didn't want to make it seem impossible for me to reach my goal. I am supposed to weigh 145 pounds but, I was perfectly happy at 170 (I like having some curves). So my advice is to change the tracker to a weight you can be happy with and go for it. You can always lose more later.

    Thanks for blogging and keep up the good work! I am glad you are here!!
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    3548 days ago
  • EYES_ON_THEPRAZ
    yes - my goal now is 172 - i started at 222 and i wanted to lose 50. obviously if (WHEN!) i get to 172 I will stll be technically "overweight" but i decided to see how I feel when I get there, and I can always choose to lose more. As it stands, losing 50 lbs is proving to be more difficult than I thought!
    Hope you have a better day today!
    3548 days ago
  • KAEKOFREENOTE
    I think height with women is akin to hair: if you're born with pin straight hair, you always wish for curly hair, and if you're born with curly hair, you spend a life trying to straighten it. LOL! I HATE being 5'9", and always have. In high school, I was taller than all the boys. I never fit into the cute, petite pants. And I had to buy bigger sizes just to have them long enough for my legs! ;o)
    3549 days ago
  • BARBGEO
    You know, I think we get to a point where we 'hibernate' at a weight... a 'set point' or our body just finds its own space... Some times we state that we will be XXX weight and when it sits there and doesn't go down further, we get frustrated and go back UP!
    If you look back and have friends say something like yours did, that you did not seem healthy at that ___ weight, then I agree!!! Maybe a toned 170 is where you need to be...
    OH. GREEN with envy at your 5/9 status... I wanna be 5/6 when I grow up... hahahhahahhahhahhahahahhah

    G
    ood Luck and Good On Ya!
    3549 days ago
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