Cloud 9...standing strong...

Thursday, October 06, 2011

So...such a long story here....but I am going to try to shorten it down as much as possible!

My oldest daughter ran away last February...Tough times...heartbreak...anger...s
adness...fear...all emotions I dealt with on a moment by moment basis! My oldest is only 17...

Through the last 8 months, I have done what I thought was best for us...her and me. I backed down, didn't fight with her...basically, I knew where she was, but she was still considered a run away. I know that sounds so irresponsible, and believe me, I have been told that more times then I can count...my parents barely speak to me, my husband's parents don't speak to me, and my church family...well I have been 86'd from their group, and nixed off their prayer chain.?! My husband doesn't even agree with my parenting decisions...but, she is my daughter, and I raised her thus far, single handed...(I just got re-married 6 years ago, and Jazzy, was not going to let anybody else help parent her...believe me..she is strong willed!) So with a couple of amazing friends, and and amazingly honest (and supportive) husband, I made it through the last 8 months...

Jazzy, has been staying about 30 minutes away from me...I work about 15 minutes away from where she is staying..in a gated community so nobody can get to her that she doesn't want to...anyway, not the best situation, as she is living with her boyfriend and his parents, and brothers, and one brother's girlfriend, and their baby...irresponsible family...3 addicts (heroin), and the entire family has no money, no food half the time, no gas, etc...but she chose to go there...

And yes...everyday I was scared for her. Every day I prayed fervently for her...Everyday I cried.

So, she dropped out of high school...dropped all her friends from her "old life", and secluded herself out at her boyfriends...Sometimes she would respond to my texts...never answering a phone call...Before all this, she worked as a "temp" at my place of employment...during this time, I made sure that she worked at least once a week...most of the time more...This way I was able to one, know she had some money..and two, I could see her...see that she was okay...know if she was not, as she was living in a scary situation from my perspective...

Two days ago she asked me at work if I would sign her back up at her old high school, and if she could "stay" with us during the week while she went to school?! Are you kidding me???!!!! I was floored...So, starting next Tuesday, she will be back going to school and as she says "staying" with us during the week...

Can you see me walking on the clouds?! I am so happy! AND, maybe my parenting skills aren't what others think they should be, maybe I handled this all wrong...but the outcome seems to be what it should be?! The way I see it, I could have folded, and drug her home every night, only to have her run away, and not know where she was, how she was doing, etc...and have her not be able to come back when she was ready, as she is strong willed, and her anger would have caused her to never come back! BUT, I was strong...for her, for me...and...she is coming home...one step at a time..but at least she is headed back in the right direction...

I got one smart kid!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Hi Embi;

    Raising children is the hardess job in the world and by God's grace we do the best we can. They all come with problems of one kind or the other and the best thing you can do sometimes is back off. The world out there is a scary place and a lot of bad things but she did make the right choice and I hope when she comes home the others in the other home will allow her to consentrate on school and get her work done.My prays are with you dear and her. Be at peace and keep close to the Lord.

    3496 days ago
    I am SO happy for you! When you have a strong-willed child (my oldest fits the bill), you have to work with them. Strong arming them will only break your arms! You did what you thought was right...and it worked. And you are both all the better for it. I'm sure it has been a really rough 8 months. But the light is ahead. Awesome! I'm on cloud 9, too! I am just so happy for you! Keep up the good work! Thanks for the encouragement! Spark on! emoticon
    3506 days ago
    Hi Embi! Woo hoo!! That is so awesome ...I am so happy for you that Jazzy has asked to come back home & go to school.

    It must have been so tough for you to let things be & wait for her to make her own decision to come back home.

    I think you are a very strong woman & a great Mother! Tough love is the hardest thing to do...but like you said, doing anything else may have just made her more angry & defiant.

    Good for you for making sure you still had a way of checking up on her & she still had you there when she needed you...very smart of you. I think you handled it well & am so happy for you that it has turned out this way. Sometimes no matter what you do, things dont turn out how you would have liked them to but I think you know your daughter well & you knew what would work best in your given situation.

    I hope things improve even more & you are able to connect with Jazzy again so that she leaves her current place of residence altogether...does not sound like a good situation where she is now. I can only imagine how upset you must have been about that whole situation.
    I am sure you are breathing a bit easier now. I will pray for you & your family. Hope all goes well. Take care Embi.

    Sending you a big emoticon Liz

    PS) We had a good time on our cruise but I got a bit sea-sick since the waters got pretty rough on day 2...but only for half a day or so. The worst thing was the flight home from L.A. since the pressure in my ears was terrible & it caused my nerve pain to flare up...I was getting a bit better & now I am right back to a higher level of pain.
    I am waiting to see my doctor who is away to see why he thinks the air pressure would have effected the pain....I still am not convinced its not the ear, even though 2 specialists have looked at my ear, nose & throat. Hey doctors make mistakes too...so I will see what my family physician thinks & hope that he can thin of some test or even refer me to someone else for another opinion.
    Meanwhile I am trying to just take care of myself & manage day to day....that is all I can do ...one moment at a time.
    3507 days ago

    Comment edited on: 10/7/2011 12:30:56 AM
    That sounds like wonderful news! You know, we all have different parenting styles-and that's OK. I'm sure it wasn't an easy decision, and it's all working out in the end so pat yourself on the back:)
    3508 days ago
    I am so happy for you! I can imagine how worried you must have been the past months. I hope your relationship grows to be what you hope it will be. I have learned a few things about parenting over the years. Some of those things are: the power of loving your child no matter what can't be overstated, that I would never win in a power struggle with a child - power struggles just lead to bad feelings, and that I had to do what I thought was best for my child and try not to worry what others thought. Your experience reinforces my beliefs - thanks for sharing!
    3508 days ago
    I'm so happy for you!! I know that this is going to work out for you. You gave her the space she needed but never gave up on her. You should be so proud of yourself and your daughter! emoticon
    3508 days ago
    Tough love is usually the hardest of all! The only person whose behavior you can control is your own, and by allowing her to find out for herself what a bad situation she is in, you've hopefully kept the door open for a continued relationship. Always being there for someone does NOT mean condoning or enabling their behaviors, but it does mean providing the support when they are ready to address their issues. I am curious, though...where does she plan to stay on the weekends? I might have missed that, but wishing you good luck and hope for your daughter's future! Hugs, Jeannie
    3508 days ago
    these are great good news , I'm glad for you! and I know how hard it was for you to do what you did . I hope everything will be fine and she comes back for good . emoticon emoticon
    3508 days ago
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