I found myself having a hard time breathing before I left for Texas last Friday. Oh, I wasn't have any respiratory problems, no.
I just couldn't breathe.
You know, that easy breath you draw deep into yourself, hold for just an instant, then release without really thinking about it? Yea, that kind of breathing - normal, unlabored, unthought-of, just.. breathing.
I couldn't draw a full breath before I left. Stress, anxiety, depression, the grumples. All these things added up and I'd find myself blowing out air from my lungs in the hopes that the next time I drew air in again, I'd get a full breath. I didn't. I couldn't.
I landed at DFW airport on schedule on Friday afternoon with no trouble at all. My flight was direct, which when I booked I thought was pretty cool, but about 2 1/2 hours into the flight, I (and my knees) realized.. not so much.
I didn't avail myself of the potty as I should have before boarding the plane (don't ask me why, I have NO idea, I thought about it then thought, nah, I'll be fine). So, 3 cups of coffee and 2 cups of water later, I'm squirming in my seat on the plane and working up the courage to ask the man in the aisle seat to allow me out to go to the plane potty. For reals. I had to talk myself into bothering the person to let me out! Man I've got more issues than we have time to dissect, but anyway.. he was kind enough to let me out, and I got to stretch my legs a bit and get rid of the squirmies.
Once we landed, I circled the baggage claim chute while waiting for my suitcase to arrive, as well as my sister and Ms. Poppy. I heard them long before I saw them, lil missy putting up a squall in her buggy. They were both so tiny! Seriously tiny! I felt like a jolly green giant, although I was wearing purple. Anyway, we hugged, I exclaimed over the incredible amount of cuteness contained in that baby buggy, we got my suitcase, and headed home.
The last time we had been in Texas, Libby treated us to some pepperoni rolls made by their friend Jason. They were really good, and I asked if we could get a few while I was there. Bad me, I know, but what the heck, I'm on a break, sorta. So we swung by the pizza place and got the rolls. They were incredibly good, and Jason was incredibly generous.
Once we got home, I got my hands on the baby. I was quite the baby hog, really.
I won't detail the entire trip other than to say it was a great time. My nephews seem to have grown immeasurably since April!
Liam and Zak at the Fun Fall Fest where they got to go Trunk'or'Treating.
It was very hard to say goodbye to them Monday morning when they went to school, but we had a good weekend together and hopefully they'll get to come to Portland for a visit sometime soon.
THAT is Jasper. My sister has three cats - Elliot and Olivia (she has dog, too, named Finn - it's a Law and Order SVU thing) and Jasper. Jasper is only about 6 months old and he's nothing but fur! He loved Aunt Sissy as much as the boys did LOL as you can tell. Libby did say while I couldn't take Ms. Poppy or the boys home, I could take Jasper. I'm not sure he appreciated that.
Brother-in-law Justin drives truck. He's out for four days, then drops around home for a few hours before heading back out again for the rest of the week. He came home for a bit on Sunday, and Libby sent him back out to get donuts for us! Apparently you've never had a donut until you've had a TEXAS donut!
What? You want baby pics? Well why didn't you say so??
Poppy lookin' stylish in a Sissy-provided outfit, conversing with her singing giraffe.
Doin' the Hustle!
They took to calling me the Baby Whisperer, simply for this move.
That's right, she'd get a bit fussy and nothing would sooth her. So what did Aunt Sissy do? Flipped her over and strung her out along my arm. Lil Ms. Poppy is a solid 7 lb 4 oz lady, and she felt very very good snugged up on my arm. She hung out there - literally - quite contentedly! She would quiet down so quickly at first, it worried me! Was I cutting off her airway? the blood supply to her head? LOL Nope, she was just happy to have a different point of view apparently. Let's face it, wouldn't YOU get tired of staring at the ceiling all the time?
There is nothing sweeter or more soothing than having a sweet little baby snugged up against you. I physically ache with missing holding her right now.
So, my nutrition was horrid, but I didn't care. I got my water in faithfully. We didn't do much but stay mostly at home, with a few outings now and then. I doubt I got in my minimum 7500 steps a day. None of that matter. I reconnected with my sister - we talked, we talked and laughed and cried and laughed some more. We cackled over silly things, and revealed things the other hadn't known before. I had enough time with the boys that they got used to me and didn't think twice about calling me Aunt Sissy. By the time I left them on Monday, I could breathe again.
Now, I'm taking a few more breaths. I'm taking that breath in between - between the end of one thing and the start of another.
I've finished my running season/training. I've finished using fueling as an excuse to eat more than I should. I've finished being complacent with maintaining.
I'm starting a 15-day Reboot Entry - 15 days of eating and juicing whole foods, no dairy, no processed foods, no grains, just pure veggies and fruit. I'll start that on Saturday.
I'm starting in a new direction with my fitness. Well, I will be. Being flat on my behind does not count as fitness. I've let everything go since the Half. I need to get back into a groove again. Not a frenetic groove, just a nice steady even-paced forward motion.
I'm encouraged that this morning, on the drive into work, in the dark cold, I thought it would be nice to get out and run. I haven't really been thinking about running at all, so to find myself thinking about it, thinking it would be good to get out and just go for a run.. that was a positive thing.
I want to keep breathing, and breathing easier. I'm hoping that settling down, trying new things, giving myself a chance to change things up a bit, these things will add up to forward (downward?) movement and momentum to get back on the wagon of releasing lbs again. I need to find that kind of WIN once more to not give up hope or think that the last 55-60 lbs were just a fluke. I need this.