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That breath in between...

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

I found myself having a hard time breathing before I left for Texas last Friday. Oh, I wasn't have any respiratory problems, no.

I just couldn't breathe.

You know, that easy breath you draw deep into yourself, hold for just an instant, then release without really thinking about it? Yea, that kind of breathing - normal, unlabored, unthought-of, just.. breathing.

I couldn't draw a full breath before I left. Stress, anxiety, depression, the grumples. All these things added up and I'd find myself blowing out air from my lungs in the hopes that the next time I drew air in again, I'd get a full breath. I didn't. I couldn't.

I landed at DFW airport on schedule on Friday afternoon with no trouble at all. My flight was direct, which when I booked I thought was pretty cool, but about 2 1/2 hours into the flight, I (and my knees) realized.. not so much.

I didn't avail myself of the potty as I should have before boarding the plane (don't ask me why, I have NO idea, I thought about it then thought, nah, I'll be fine). So, 3 cups of coffee and 2 cups of water later, I'm squirming in my seat on the plane and working up the courage to ask the man in the aisle seat to allow me out to go to the plane potty. For reals. I had to talk myself into bothering the person to let me out! Man I've got more issues than we have time to dissect, but anyway.. he was kind enough to let me out, and I got to stretch my legs a bit and get rid of the squirmies.


Once we landed, I circled the baggage claim chute while waiting for my suitcase to arrive, as well as my sister and Ms. Poppy. I heard them long before I saw them, lil missy putting up a squall in her buggy. They were both so tiny! Seriously tiny! I felt like a jolly green giant, although I was wearing purple. Anyway, we hugged, I exclaimed over the incredible amount of cuteness contained in that baby buggy, we got my suitcase, and headed home.

The last time we had been in Texas, Libby treated us to some pepperoni rolls made by their friend Jason. They were really good, and I asked if we could get a few while I was there. Bad me, I know, but what the heck, I'm on a break, sorta. So we swung by the pizza place and got the rolls. They were incredibly good, and Jason was incredibly generous.

Once we got home, I got my hands on the baby. I was quite the baby hog, really.

I won't detail the entire trip other than to say it was a great time. My nephews seem to have grown immeasurably since April!

Liam and Zak at the Fun Fall Fest where they got to go Trunk'or'Treating.

It was very hard to say goodbye to them Monday morning when they went to school, but we had a good weekend together and hopefully they'll get to come to Portland for a visit sometime soon.

THAT is Jasper. My sister has three cats - Elliot and Olivia (she has dog, too, named Finn - it's a Law and Order SVU thing) and Jasper. Jasper is only about 6 months old and he's nothing but fur! He loved Aunt Sissy as much as the boys did LOL as you can tell. Libby did say while I couldn't take Ms. Poppy or the boys home, I could take Jasper. I'm not sure he appreciated that.

Brother-in-law Justin drives truck. He's out for four days, then drops around home for a few hours before heading back out again for the rest of the week. He came home for a bit on Sunday, and Libby sent him back out to get donuts for us! Apparently you've never had a donut until you've had a TEXAS donut!

Proud daddy!

What? You want baby pics? Well why didn't you say so??

Poppy lookin' stylish in a Sissy-provided outfit, conversing with her singing giraffe.

Sleepin' sweet.

Doin' the Hustle!

They took to calling me the Baby Whisperer, simply for this move.

That's right, she'd get a bit fussy and nothing would sooth her. So what did Aunt Sissy do? Flipped her over and strung her out along my arm. Lil Ms. Poppy is a solid 7 lb 4 oz lady, and she felt very very good snugged up on my arm. She hung out there - literally - quite contentedly! She would quiet down so quickly at first, it worried me! Was I cutting off her airway? the blood supply to her head? LOL Nope, she was just happy to have a different point of view apparently. Let's face it, wouldn't YOU get tired of staring at the ceiling all the time?

There is nothing sweeter or more soothing than having a sweet little baby snugged up against you. I physically ache with missing holding her right now.

So, my nutrition was horrid, but I didn't care. I got my water in faithfully. We didn't do much but stay mostly at home, with a few outings now and then. I doubt I got in my minimum 7500 steps a day. None of that matter. I reconnected with my sister - we talked, we talked and laughed and cried and laughed some more. We cackled over silly things, and revealed things the other hadn't known before. I had enough time with the boys that they got used to me and didn't think twice about calling me Aunt Sissy. By the time I left them on Monday, I could breathe again.

Now, I'm taking a few more breaths. I'm taking that breath in between - between the end of one thing and the start of another.

I've finished my running season/training. I've finished using fueling as an excuse to eat more than I should. I've finished being complacent with maintaining.

I'm starting a 15-day Reboot Entry - 15 days of eating and juicing whole foods, no dairy, no processed foods, no grains, just pure veggies and fruit. I'll start that on Saturday.

I'm starting in a new direction with my fitness. Well, I will be. Being flat on my behind does not count as fitness. I've let everything go since the Half. I need to get back into a groove again. Not a frenetic groove, just a nice steady even-paced forward motion.

I'm encouraged that this morning, on the drive into work, in the dark cold, I thought it would be nice to get out and run. I haven't really been thinking about running at all, so to find myself thinking about it, thinking it would be good to get out and just go for a run.. that was a positive thing.

I want to keep breathing, and breathing easier. I'm hoping that settling down, trying new things, giving myself a chance to change things up a bit, these things will add up to forward (downward?) movement and momentum to get back on the wagon of releasing lbs again. I need to find that kind of WIN once more to not give up hope or think that the last 55-60 lbs were just a fluke. I need this.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    LOL I can't tell you the number of babies I have put on my arm that way....

    I am so glad that you got to hug, cuddle, and snuggle with Miss Poppy!

    Take a Deep Breath, Release the stress... and just step up to the new phase of your life....

    3524 days ago
    Candy, we all need to take a break from our life's routine on occasion, be it eating, exercising, just getting away or all of it. Sounds like you did it all, you earned it. You did 2 halves this year and a number of other races. You got up almost every Saturday to run with the Tribe. You have made so many healthy changes this last year. Congratulations on stopping for a few days and just enjoying what life has to offer with out worring about "I didn't run, I ate a donut, I sat all day and on and on.

    Lovin the pics, the one of Poppy in your arm is priceless. I would have taken Jasper home but then I'm a cat lover. I like your plans on looking forward to new things.
    3524 days ago
    Nice job baby whisperer!!! great job getting in your water as well-I am slacking :(
    Sounds like a great visit. Glad you had fun.
    3524 days ago
    Sounds like you had a wonderful time! Just what you needed. Glad to hear you can breathe again. It is kinda important! LOL!

    Miss poppy and the nephew's are too cute! Love all the pics. So, did you kidnap the kitten after all?

    I'm curious to hear about how your plan goes - the 15-day Reboot Entry one. I've never tried juicing.

    You've got a good plan in place!
    3525 days ago
    Wow... it sounds like that visit was just what you needed! Your niece is adorable - and she has a wonderful family too! (ps that includes aunt sissy!)

    I love that you are taking the time to breathe... and I like your plans too. I am curious how the juicing goes- please keep us updated!

    A small reminder - those last 55-60 pounds were NOT a fluke - you did the work, and you did it well!

    Welcome back to Portland! Take a deep breath, and go find your (new)path!

    3525 days ago
    Oh how I loved your blog. I get the not breathing thing. Sometimes, it's like I can't remember how. I just need to calm down. I know a visit with Miss Poppy would just about do the trick. LOL

    I adore babies and for some reason, always manage to live too far away from one so that my rocking chair does not get enough exercise.

    I loved the hustle picture. It's exactly what I thought when I saw it. I'm glad you got to go on your visit and that you are in the reorganizing stage. I need to do a bit of that too. It's getting colder here and I don't have my cold weather activities lined up yet. Ugh.

    Keep taking care of yourself. I'm cheering for you!

    3525 days ago
  • TERRYT55
    I used to hold my youngest the same way and she would quiet right down. Now I do it for my grand-kids. It sounds like you had the best visit ever. The baby is adorable.

    By the way......I would have done exactly the same thing on the plane, not wanting to bother anyone even if I came close to peeing my pants.

    So happy you had a good visit.
    3525 days ago
    I am in LOVE!!! How adorable!!
    3525 days ago
  • no profile photo CD8532529
    You will get this Candy...sounds like the shake up to your routine was very positive! It was a lot of work to get that 55 to 60 pounds off, it's understandable that you might need to stay put for a while. But you will get that push back. Remember it started with one small change at a time! Hugs...Robin
    3526 days ago
  • no profile photo CD10649139
    I wouldn't trade time spent holding a little one for time exercising. Ever. Thanks for the pictures of the cutie.
    3526 days ago
    Much wisdom in your blog-- and the other comments here.

    Breathing is good.

    Sometimes breathing is hard.

    Being healthy is more than dieting-- it is finding us.

    If running for the joy of it gives you joy-- 'may you run with joy in your shoes' if not, may you find that which will bring you sweet joy.

    and PEACE.
    3526 days ago
  • no profile photo CD6896537
    Love the baby whisperer move. I remember using it on my own children. It really does work!! She's a beautiful little girl and she's lucky to have Aunt Sissy!

    I know it's tough to get back on track; I'm still struggling to get back from my September sabbatical. I know it's because I've become content with how I am. I'm no longer FAT just overweight; but I also know I still need to lose at least another 30 lbs. Why oh why can't I get motivated??!!!

    But we've done it once; I know we can do it again. I know we can!!!!

    3526 days ago
  • no profile photo CD1035627
    The funny thing about a healthy lifestyle is sometimes, it has ABSOLUTELY nothing to do with what you eat. I'm so glad you got to reconnect with your Sister, Nephews, new Niece, BIL, and even the cats and dogs - you needed it. Now, you have also reconnected with yourself - something you needed even more. HUGS.
    3526 days ago
    Oh I'm so happy that you are feeling better. It sounds like a visit with little Polly and your sister and the family was just what you needed! I'm sorry you were feeling so rotten before you left and I hope that feeling stays far-far-far away and never-ever returns.

    Good luck with your new fitness direction and let us know how the juice plan goes. I'm very curious about such.

    Thanks for sharing all of the wonderful pictures!
    3526 days ago
  • ROXIT22222
    Glad you found your breath! Breathing is a good thing... comes highly recommended. What a sweet baby!

    Remember this is a life style change. And with life there are ups and downs and all arounds. It's just making sure you don't stay on one too long.
    3526 days ago
    ah, the beloved football hold. got me through some long nights emoticon what a cutie!
    3526 days ago
    What a cute baby! Love the hang over your arm picture. Been thinking about you and wondering how you were doing. Glad you had a great time with your sister. I know when my sister and I get together it's like our souls reconnected and refresh.

    3526 days ago
    Great pictures, and I'm so glad you found a piece of yourself again.
    3526 days ago
  • no profile photo CD5826541
    awwwww I'll bet someone I know was passing out a lot of hugs and snugs! you needed some re-connect time!

    3526 days ago
    Awe so worth it
    3526 days ago
  • GAYLEP67
    I'm so glad you had a chance to reconnect with your sister and the rest of the family. Love the pictures of everyone including little Jasper and of course Ms Poppy. Aunt Sissy seems to have a way with everyone!

    OMG Candy! Don't you EVER think that those pounds you shed were a fluke! You worked for and EARNED that loss and don't you forget it!! Funny...I think a lot of us went at it hard, dropped weight, and have since tapered off. I too want to get things moving again - just need to find the right motivation. You have always been and will continue to be a wonderful source of inspiration for me, my friend.


    Glad you're back!
    3526 days ago
    OHHH! BABIES! Looks like you got your soul recharged. :)
    Seriously, think about getting checked for asthma too. I suddenly got it two years ago, out of the blue. Triggered by stress and stuff like rotting vegetation/mold in the air. I still have to use the inhaler once in a while.
    3526 days ago
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