A timely reminder & a question
Sunday, November 27, 2011
Today I received an email from Sparkpeople that said: "This is John Hulsey, SparkPeople Success Story Manager. You have been identified as one of SparkPeople's success stories, and we want to share an opportunity with you to potentially celebrate your success with a national audience."
Do I dare respond to it? After regaining a third of what I lost - Do I still feel as a success? I haven't felt successful in a long time. The scale is a hard task master isn't it?
So today I took a hard long look at my journey.........
Through hard work and perseverance, I lost over half of myself (153.6 lbs) and maintained that weight loss for almost 2 years. But then 'life happened' (aka menopause) and I, with the help of my whacky hormones and by my slacking off my healthy regime, regained 51.5 of those lost pounds.
At my highest weight (296.6) I had a BMI of 47.
On Jan 17, 2007 I had a BMI of 42. I was experiencing hearth palpitations, high cholesterol, couldn't breath - my doctor was threatening me with medication - life was hell!
I lost 141.6 pounds and I met my official goal weight of 155 pounds on March 12, 2008. My heart palpitations stopped, my cholesterol was normal, I could breath, I could move, my doctor was happy and so was I!
I lost an additional 12 pounds and on April 23, 2008 I weighed 143 and had a BMI of 23.
I maintained that 153 pound weight loss for 2 years but then slowly slacked off and stopped caring.....
Fast forward to Oct 2011 - Sigh.....after stepping on the scale after so long, I have regained 51.5 pounds and have a BMI of 30.
Looking back, I now realize that when I fell off track, I was letting my love of food and trying to use it to heal unseen wounds back into my life. Food cannot heal those wounds; only love for myself can. So I licked my wounds for a while, felt sorry for myself for a while, gained a little more weight but I am slowly regaining my sanity.......
Do I want to get back to 143? No, it was too skinny for me - I didn't feel right and looked gaunt. At my age, I can settle for 160. My goal now is to lose at least 30 pounds and I know I can do it!
I want to feel healthy again. I want to feel at my best again. I want to feel in control again.
I remember what it felt like - It's amazing what healthy living brings you and what doors it opens for you! When I was larger, those doors in the long hallway of life were probably always open but my lack of self-confidence wouldn't let me go through them.
Yes, I have regained weight since reaching my goal but do I still consider myself a success? Yes! I have been large all my life - but had maintained my weight loss for almost 2 years! Being skinny was an absolutely new world for me - there was a LOT to overcome - physically and mentally. I feel bad about regaining because it was my own doing, but at LEAST I've only regained a THIRD of what I've lost AND I'm going to do something about it.
Since November, 2011 I really starting taking my weight loss seriously again......let's see how this leg of my journey pans out.......
As I write this, I have officially lost 2.4 of that extra poundage! I've come home to Sparkpeople again (I never really left but chose to ignore what it was telling me as I was trying to fill that hole with food) and I'm set to continue this amazing journey! It may be a roller coaster ride but it is my choice whether I want to go up or down isn't it?
I'm still not sure if I'll respond to the email or not but it sure was a timely reminder and I thank Sparkpeople for it. It took that email for me to realize that I'm NOT actually a failure; I can still continue my journey to health. My hormones may be making it harder to lose but I just need to try harder. I need to take back control and just move forward.
Should I respond to that email, answer their questionnaire and send my (as requested) my most shocking before and after shots?
I'm not sure - so I ask you - should I?