2012 ~ Goals
Monday, January 02, 2012
I do not understand why I have been so resistant to write this blog. I have alot of good ideas swirling through my mind, maybe that's the problem. Been trying to keep it simple so I can actually DO what I intend to do, but my thoughts keep jumbling over one another. I guess I should have written sooner so that I did not overwhelm myself with THINKING. Perhaps, that should be a goal... to not overthink things and just DO them. Anyway, here I am to make some sense of the jumbled mess in my head.
First of all, I feel disappointment in myself, I joined spark in September of 2007, did not get all that serious until later in the year and then if memory serves me correctly, 2008/2009 was my best years and ever since then, while not leaving spark, I have floundered. I have made goals and not met them, I have started over, I have done everything but actually LOSE the weight. I have to say though, I have had some mental growth, but at the same time, I have lost some of my confidence and belief in myself and my worth. In some ways, I have went backwards mentally/emotionally and spiritually, not just in gaining back weight. I guess lots of things have contributed to that, but to go back and rehash it would not be the point of this blog.
Second, due to the "first of all" paragraph, I fear that making these goals and plans for 2012 will see me failing again and here I'll be writing a similar blog come 2013. However, I DESPERATELY want to be different. I want to be closer to God, a better, more faithful Christian on fire for God. I want to be a better wife, a better mother, a better friend, daughter... everything. I want to ENJOY life and learn to live in the moment. I don't want to be difficult, depressed, or gloomy or living vicariously through others. I want to be free of the shame I feel for letting myself get so big, and free from the addiction of food. I feel shame and guilt and remorse in so many areas of my life and it is holding me back from achieving the things I want to achieve. I feel like a "fake", I mean I have been on spark since late 2007, weigh more than I did when I first started and I lead a biggest loser team and have for several seasons now! My aunt even said at Christmas, why would SHE check it out, it obviously wasn't getting results for me and I defensively said that I never asked her to check it out, or didn't want her too or whatever. But, she is right, I don't even tell others about spark anymore because I haven't been successful.
Despite all this, the desire in me to be different this year and move forward is all I have to cling to besides my Lord Jesus and my Susie just posted today on her sparkpage and on FB that ALL things are possible with God. I think, perhaps this is where I have fallen short, I have tried to do too many things on my own without asking for help and strength from God, or asking and then still trying to do it on my own. Therefore, my first yearly goal is:
1. Read the entire bible in 2012 - that requires reading it daily/regularly. I want to do this because I need a consistent time in God's Word, the compass of my life. How can it be that compass if I don't know what it says?
2. Pray more regularly and even make a physical prayer list if needed so that I don't "forget" things that need prayer or prayer requests. I pray best when I journal it, but I also used to talk to God alot more as I went through the day and it kept me aware of His presence around me. By next year, if not before, I should need a new prayer journal! :)
3. Spend LESS time on the computer and more time taking care of ME and my family. This means cutting down on FB games - blocking some of them so I do not get reminders to play them and requests etc... This also means more cleaning and cooking and spending fun time with them. Better TIME management.
4. Get the basics of a healthy lifestyle in place so there is something to build on next year instead of just starting anew. This includes things, like tracking & measuring, exercising, eating healthier, water. etc...
5. Read books that inspire and motivate as well as books that are simply pleasureable to read.
6. MAKE friends in my 3-D world by being a friend who is there.
7. Get my BA diploma from Midway mailed to me and also get my certification application mailed in ~ Also, apply at 2-3 different school districts for teaching jobs. (This probably needs to be completed by end of Feb., first of March)
8. Adjust to the upcoming 2nd shift job by preparing lunches/dinners ahead, getting sleep and getting stuff done during the day at home.
9. Use the above 8 yearly goals to make weekly, even daily if need be, short term goals.
I know people talk about medium term goals as well, and I think the yearly ones I've posted while somewhat long-term are more medium term goals because it's simply building a base to continue on my journey next year. I really am not sure of the exact long term goals, I just want to get headed towards them!
My goals for the rest of this evening:
1. Drink AT LEAST one cup or more of water - DONE
2. Read my daily bible reading and spend some time in prayer. - DONE
3. Read in the book (Amish series) I've been reading. - will do right after hitting post
4. Think on tomorrow's goals, maybe even come back here and add to this blog or just write on a piece of paper. - THINKING
Thanks for reading Sparkies!