Depression is knocking at the door...trying not to answer it!

Monday, January 09, 2012

So this morning I was down 3lbs. I'm excited but trying not to get overly excited because I've been here so many times before. That initial rapid loss that comes to a screeching halt. I must remember what I'm in for. I don't want the rapid loss, I want the slow and steady loss. I don't want the diet, I want the lifestyle change. I don't want to be "skinny" I want to be healthy. I don't want to look like a 20 year old but right now I look and feel much older than I am. I don't want to look old and tired anymore.

It is cold and rainy today which is not the best for me as the depression creeps in when the weather is dark. At least it was warm enough yesterday to go to the park and walk. I really enjoyed the fresh air. I love that me time outside. Once the weather gets warmer again I really want to try to spend more time outside. Right now all I want to do is curl up under a blanket and go back to sleep.

Both of my children were gone this weekend. My son went to a debate tournament and my daughter went out of town with her best friends. In 8 months time, my baby girl will be moving out and going to college. We are very close and it's killing me. The crappy weather doesn't help. I'm not having much success at living in the moment! This weekend was creepy quiet in the house. I didn't like it at all. My son is a freshman so at least he'll be home for another 3 years. I kinda worry about what will happen when he leaves. I have so many friends that have gone through the empty nest thing. They survived and I know I will too, but it doesn't feel like it right now. I'm also afraid of eating myself into oblivion when things begin to change. I hate change. I've never been good with change. I need to figure out how to EMBRACE change instead of being afraid of it. I think the draw to the food wouldn't be so great if I could do that.

God help me!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    You have time to plan. There is so much we do as parents to take care of / spend time with our kids, that when they fly off, heading in their own direction, you should start to focus on all of those "I WANTS" too. Plan that time! Take some classes, join groups, get healthy enough to join your own sporting team, play BINGO whatever you want to do and you don't have the time, energy, money to do now because you are raising your children. :)
    3412 days ago
    I agree with BLUE too!! My older daughter will be heading to college next summer, so I still have 1 year. My younger is still at home for 6 years. Embrace the new opportunities, dont think of change as bad. emoticon
    3412 days ago
    Blue42down has it right! Start thinking and listing and baby stepping it towards developing anything you have wanted to do but have put on hold. It can be a very sad but exciting time for you!!! PUT THE EXCITEMENT out front! You did GREAT, you have to well developed children on their way to being amazing adults!
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    3412 days ago
    You are right, borrowing trouble from the future is all the worrying and fear is about. So build your Spark program now and focus on what is good and right about things - even your daughter going away to school. It is GREAT she can do that and I am sure she is excited. Build yourself up, too and grab hold of everything you have ever done right. One step at a time and you will be able to embrace change. Hang in there!
    3412 days ago
    It might be kind of fun to start a list somewhere of things that you don't really have time to do or focus on right now. Is there any hobby you haven't done for a long time because you've been raising kids? Is there anything (music, language, arts or crafts) that you'd like to learn to do or at least try out? If you start planning ahead now with some things that will fill your time and attention, it may be easier to adjust to the changes.
    3412 days ago
    One day at a time is all we can do. I am a worrier too. I understand. Hugs.
    3412 days ago
    Hang in there!

    I remember when the boys moved out and started their own lives it was hard but I took 1 day at a time. Mow the boys are already married with children of their own. So now I have the extended family. The winter always gets me down too because I love to outside camping or hiking. I have found a lot of support just reading other people bogs and messages. So keep your chin up we are here to lean on if you need it.
    3412 days ago
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