What drives you?
Persistence (I probably drive Karen42Boys up the wall since she revealed her superhero name is Persistah! I LOVE that name, truly, and refer to her as that a LOT because she is raw awesomeness). Patience. Determination. Want-power. Stubbornness.
Nowhere in there do you see the word ‘perfection’ ‘cause it just ain’t happenin’ now, lemme tell ya!
Sorry, slipped back into my back-home twang there for a mo’.
Anyway.. how often have we heard that phrase? ________, not perfection. Fill in your own blank, it’s different for each one of us.
I exchanged messages the other day with a dear friend
(the owner of one third of my brain, Gayle). She asked how I got myself re-motivated, and I fought long and hard on how to respond to her question. See, I don’t consider myself motivated. In fact, I consider myself de-motivated. Or maybe that should be re-de-motivated. Let me explain.
Last year was the year of 10 lbs. It was also the year of two Half marathons, tons of Zumba classes, lots of lifting, lots of training, and lots of healthier eating.
Let’s not forget it was also the year of lots of Struggle – more emotionally than physically. Yes, it deserves a capital S.
This year, I’ve changed tactics. This year, I’m easing up. Last year I went full bore (or at least it felt like it to me) and I burned myself out. I can see this in hindsight (what a grand thing it is, eh?).
This year, I’ve cut back on Zumba – it’s a great workout and I love my Zumba ladies, but I realized I was tired of getting home at 7:45-8:00 at night, when I’m used to going to bed at 8:30 (especially when it’s so flippin’ dark so stinkin’ early). I was tired of eating dinner so late, being starved because of it, burning oodles of calories but then eating them right back on when combing my Zumba burn and running burn. It was too much, and something had to give.
Well, I gave up EVERYTHING for a while, and now I’m slowly getting back to feeling good, and feeling better about myself and my efforts. Still and all, there’s a part of my brain that’s shouting ‘SLACKER’ because I’m not working as hard as I was. I keep reminding myself that it’s alright. I have a plan.
Monthly release of poundage? 2.5 lbs. That’s right – 2 ½ lbs. 40 ounces. A month, not a week, a MONTH. That’s IT. That’s all I want. That will be 30 lbs in a year, y’all. Check out my ticker – yep, that’s my plan for the entire YEAR.
Calorie burn per week? On Spark, the calorie burn per week is around 1320. That’s all. I will increase that number as my mileage increases with training, and I’ll adjust/allow for that.
I’m also using my BodyBugg, and on that site, I’ve set my desired calorie burn per day to 2700. Most days, I achieve that burn. Sometimes, it’s in the low 2400s, but then it’ll average out with a few low 2800s. Overall, I’m averaging a pretty good burn each day.
Zumba classes may be added back into the schedule once the days lighten/brighten up some and it doesn’t appear to be midnight by 5 pm. That’s important to me, as it likely is for many of you – the want and NEED for more sunlight in our lives.
The thing is.. I was unhealthy, unmotivated, and unhappy for a large part of my adult life. Let’s say from age 20 (when I had my daughter, lost some babyweight, but then started packing on more and More and MORE lbs) on. I’m 44 now. I started Spark two years ago in May.
For 22 years, I lived an unhealthy life and lifestyle. Who am I to expect that suddenly, I’m going to lose 120 lbs in one year? Really? One year versus 22? Hmm.
Don’t take me wrong. I love Love LOVE the inspirational stories and people here on SparkPeople. I absolutely DO, and they help me when I’m feeling down and out. They’re not me, though. For whatever reason, I was not persistent enough, driven enough, determined enough, consistent enough, stubborn enough.. _______ enough to be one of those people who drops all the excess weight in 12 months.
I WILL be one of those people in 3 years.. 4 years.. at some point in my lifetime. I mean, what else do I have to do? I’m battling 22 years worth of bad choices. 22 years worth of not caring. 22 years worth of unhealthy eating. 22 years worth of emotional baggage. 22 years worth of taking the easy way. 22 years worth of fat having made itself at home on my frame. I have FAT older than some of you out there!*
I didn’t reach my goal in 12 months? 24 months? Boo-to-the-*blEEpin’*-Hoo for me.
Prepare for a simple statement of fact:
I cannot undo 22 years worth of negative with only 20 months worth of positive. Maybe you can. Maybe someone else can. I cannot.
Y’know what though?
I’m learning to be ok with that. I have the next 22 years to decide what kind of life I want to live, what kind of body I want to have, what kind food I want to eat, what kind of person I want to be.
So yea.. I’m re-de-motivated. I’m doing things differently. I’m taking my time, trying really hard not to sweat the small stuff, learning to appreciate loses and gains of all kinds, and working hard at being ok with being me. THAT is what is driving me.
I’m not motivated. I am learning, still, to be patient. I am stubborn. I am determined. I will do this, no matter how long it takes.
What are YOU doing for the next 22 years?
*(Ok, not really, I know, fat cells regenerate, but allow me the silly license with reality to make my point, please and thank you)