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What drives you?

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

What drives you?

Persistence (I probably drive Karen42Boys up the wall since she revealed her superhero name is Persistah! I LOVE that name, truly, and refer to her as that a LOT because she is raw awesomeness). Patience. Determination. Want-power. Stubbornness.

Nowhere in there do you see the word ‘perfection’ ‘cause it just ain’t happenin’ now, lemme tell ya!

Sorry, slipped back into my back-home twang there for a mo’.

Anyway.. how often have we heard that phrase? ________, not perfection. Fill in your own blank, it’s different for each one of us.

I exchanged messages the other day with a dear friend emoticon (the owner of one third of my brain, Gayle). She asked how I got myself re-motivated, and I fought long and hard on how to respond to her question. See, I don’t consider myself motivated. In fact, I consider myself de-motivated. Or maybe that should be re-de-motivated. Let me explain.

Last year was the year of 10 lbs. It was also the year of two Half marathons, tons of Zumba classes, lots of lifting, lots of training, and lots of healthier eating.

Let’s not forget it was also the year of lots of Struggle – more emotionally than physically. Yes, it deserves a capital S.

This year, I’ve changed tactics. This year, I’m easing up. Last year I went full bore (or at least it felt like it to me) and I burned myself out. I can see this in hindsight (what a grand thing it is, eh?).

This year, I’ve cut back on Zumba – it’s a great workout and I love my Zumba ladies, but I realized I was tired of getting home at 7:45-8:00 at night, when I’m used to going to bed at 8:30 (especially when it’s so flippin’ dark so stinkin’ early). I was tired of eating dinner so late, being starved because of it, burning oodles of calories but then eating them right back on when combing my Zumba burn and running burn. It was too much, and something had to give.

Well, I gave up EVERYTHING for a while, and now I’m slowly getting back to feeling good, and feeling better about myself and my efforts. Still and all, there’s a part of my brain that’s shouting ‘SLACKER’ because I’m not working as hard as I was. I keep reminding myself that it’s alright. I have a plan.

Monthly release of poundage? 2.5 lbs. That’s right – 2 ½ lbs. 40 ounces. A month, not a week, a MONTH. That’s IT. That’s all I want. That will be 30 lbs in a year, y’all. Check out my ticker – yep, that’s my plan for the entire YEAR.

Calorie burn per week? On Spark, the calorie burn per week is around 1320. That’s all. I will increase that number as my mileage increases with training, and I’ll adjust/allow for that.
emoticon emoticon

I’m also using my BodyBugg, and on that site, I’ve set my desired calorie burn per day to 2700. Most days, I achieve that burn. Sometimes, it’s in the low 2400s, but then it’ll average out with a few low 2800s. Overall, I’m averaging a pretty good burn each day.

Zumba classes may be added back into the schedule once the days lighten/brighten up some and it doesn’t appear to be midnight by 5 pm. That’s important to me, as it likely is for many of you – the want and NEED for more sunlight in our lives.

The thing is.. I was unhealthy, unmotivated, and unhappy for a large part of my adult life. Let’s say from age 20 (when I had my daughter, lost some babyweight, but then started packing on more and More and MORE lbs) on. I’m 44 now. I started Spark two years ago in May.

For 22 years, I lived an unhealthy life and lifestyle. Who am I to expect that suddenly, I’m going to lose 120 lbs in one year? Really? One year versus 22? Hmm.

Don’t take me wrong. I love Love LOVE the inspirational stories and people here on SparkPeople. I absolutely DO, and they help me when I’m feeling down and out. They’re not me, though. For whatever reason, I was not persistent enough, driven enough, determined enough, consistent enough, stubborn enough.. _______ enough to be one of those people who drops all the excess weight in 12 months.


I WILL be one of those people in 3 years.. 4 years.. at some point in my lifetime. I mean, what else do I have to do? I’m battling 22 years worth of bad choices. 22 years worth of not caring. 22 years worth of unhealthy eating. 22 years worth of emotional baggage. 22 years worth of taking the easy way. 22 years worth of fat having made itself at home on my frame. I have FAT older than some of you out there!*

I didn’t reach my goal in 12 months? 24 months? Boo-to-the-*blEEpin’*-Hoo for me.

Prepare for a simple statement of fact:
I cannot undo 22 years worth of negative with only 20 months worth of positive. Maybe you can. Maybe someone else can. I cannot.

Y’know what though?
I’m learning to be ok with that. I have the next 22 years to decide what kind of life I want to live, what kind of body I want to have, what kind food I want to eat, what kind of person I want to be.

So yea.. I’m re-de-motivated. I’m doing things differently. I’m taking my time, trying really hard not to sweat the small stuff, learning to appreciate loses and gains of all kinds, and working hard at being ok with being me. THAT is what is driving me.

I’m not motivated. I am learning, still, to be patient. I am stubborn. I am determined. I will do this, no matter how long it takes.

What are YOU doing for the next 22 years?

*(Ok, not really, I know, fat cells regenerate, but allow me the silly license with reality to make my point, please and thank you)
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I LOVE reading your blogs Candy! I LOVE how you "say it like it is"! Honesty is such a big part of the journey and so is understanding yourself. I love how you are figuring out YOU, which makes me want to figure out ME!
    Thanks again for sharing YOU! emoticon
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    3424 days ago
    emoticon blog. You always seem to hit the nail on the head. I truly believe that you will succeed. I believe I will succeed, and that we all will succeed. We just have to find our own pace, run our own race, deal with the struggles and challenges that come our way. And remember that we're not perfect........we're human.

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    3426 days ago
    THIS IS A TERRIFICALLY AWESOME BLOG! You gave me lots to think about and lots of perspective.

    " I cannot undo 22 years worth of negative with only 20 months worth of positive. Maybe you can. Maybe someone else can. I cannot."

    You are sooo right. I have my own years of self-inflicted physical and mental abuse. How can I expect to fix everything in a few months or to figure out a formula that will work every day, week, month until I reach my goal.

    "I am learning, still, to be patient. I am stubborn. I am determined. I will do this, no matter how long it takes."

    Thank you for sharing with us! Keep on learning to be patient, being determined and you WILL do this!
    3426 days ago
  • no profile photo MRSGOAD
    I am right there with you on the eating healthy. I haven't eaten healthy since I made my own food choices in middle school. That's 18 years of eating junk and being lazy! Even though people think you should change in a snap of your fingers when you says you're doing XYZ it takes time! I am so happy to see this blog to put my feelings right into words!

    And away from talking about myelf. LOL. YOU CAN DO IT!! 30 lbs a year! Whoa that's good stuff! I hope you are able to keep your mindset of patience and focus on your and what you need not the numbers on the scale! good luck!!!
    3426 days ago
  • GAYLEP67
    Thank you for being one of the 2 smart 2/3, Candy! Not sure what I'd do without you and T to keep me on course. Your blog is so spot on...thank you for writing it. From day one you have been such an inspiration to me - even when you were going through your own rough patches. You make me realize that it's okay for me to have the struggles that I have and that I will in fact get through them sooner or later. You give me the strength to be okay with me and that's not something I've come by easily. So thank you my dear friend...thank you.

    3426 days ago
  • no profile photo CD8532529
    Thanks for saying so well how I feel!
    3427 days ago
    I'm right there with you. I don't know if I could have lost anymore weight than I did in my first or now during my second year in spark world if I did something more or better or blah blah etc.....What I do know is that I did not lose the weight. My BMI is still overweight. But I also know I am healthy again and regain my love for being active and working out. And now that I think about took me over five years to gain all this weight and I guess it might take me five years to take it off. But hey I am 45yo....if it takes longer so be it. THANK YOU Candy for the reality check.
    3427 days ago

    Comment edited on: 1/24/2012 8:54:04 PM
    'Ain't hindsight grand?? OMG! I so love this blog and I'm really glad to hear you getting your mojo back. So, for the next 22 years, I plan on working to get fit right alongside you!
    3427 days ago
  • LISA01605
    Love your plan! Slow and steady wins the race! It took me 4 years with many ups and downs to get where I am now and I am ok with that. I am hoping to reach goal this year but if I don't I am ok with that too as long as I make forward progress and don't back slide.
    3427 days ago
    Great blog! Great goals! Yes this is your journey and you must take it your way. I think you are on the right track!!!

    By the way, I got lucky. Yes lucky, I noticed my weight gain and found spark people before I got obese. Yes I thank the stars every day for that piece of luck. Just to let you know I have been doing this for over a year too!
    3427 days ago
  • no profile photo CD8072637
    Once again, love the honesty. Lots of love to you on your journey! And thanks for the sunshine you spread along the way! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    3427 days ago
    Sounds reasonable to me Candy. Be happy with who you are and along the way do good things for yourself. The rest will come together...
    3427 days ago
    I have no idea what drives me. I like ROBBIEMARIE's answer. LOL I'm struggling so much right now. No goals for now. I'm focusing on breathing in and out and on trying to think and speak in a more positive manner. For now, that's all I can handle. I too have many years of bad choices... way more than 22 but I have been really mad at myself for not making progress. Your blog makes me stop and think, which is a good thing.

    3427 days ago
    You go girl! I'm so glad to see this Candy back!
    3427 days ago
    I like the part about 22 years - I didn't gain all this fast, so I can't expect it to be gone overnight. Thanks for the post.
    3427 days ago
    What drives me? My Prius! Sorry I'm still doing the cynical thing!!!!!! However, you can tell I haven't given up entirely as I do check in here now and again and have actually told a few pounds to get lost since the beginning of the year. I am thrilled to read about your common sense approach to remotivation!
    3427 days ago
    Why are we so dumb sometimes, particularly about setting arbitrary deadlines? I've freaked myself out repeatedly by setting random deadlines to lose weight, and then not getting them done.

    One point of contention, though: you are perfection. Because you keep coming back and adjusting. Because you're honest about your mistakes. Because you've gone from 22 years of "no, I can't" to "yes, I can, in my own way and my own time."

    Woo hoo!
    3427 days ago
    Umm.. did I tell you how much I admire your intelligence gal?

    You are spot on with this - 'nuff said!

    3427 days ago
  • no profile photo CD1035627
    You rock, and you have awesomeness with words and such. Great job!

    Oh - and what drives me? My little blue car. emoticon

    but also No One But Me.
    3427 days ago

    Comment edited on: 1/24/2012 1:21:16 PM
    I see perfection all over this blog.

    Perfection of acceptance, of flexibility, of reality, of tenacity.

    You lived through an odd year last year, with lots of gains and losses in many spheres of life.

    And you didn't give up or burn out (okay, maybe you got a little crispy sometimes, but not burned).

    However, you had the innerstrength to review your goals, reassess, and re-create your plan to work for you. I think this is genius. I also think that this plan, taking it slow is perfect for where you are right now. Does that mean you will still be here in June? Probably not. But you have the foresight to recognize when something doesn't fit and adjusting it so that it does.
    3427 days ago
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    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.

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