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Facing Fear (11): Attacking the REAL Problem

Tuesday, February 07, 2012

I've noticed that I tend to blame a lot of my problems on things that happened in my childhood. Mind you, I'm not as young as I used to be, so my childhood was kind of a long time ago!

I'm trained as a research psychologist, so I'm completely aware that many of our thought patterns (whether conscious or unconscious!) were formed in childhood. I'm also aware that there are certain behavior patterns associated with having to take on too much responsibility at an early age (If you are also a child of a single parent, you are probably nodding vigorously right now!). I agree that it's important to develop enough self-awareness to know when you're falling into those patterns.

BUT WE CAN'T CHANGE THE PAST, CAN WE??

My fear #11 is admitting to myself that this is who I am. I will probably always take on more responsibility than I can handle, push myself to put a little more energy into being "perfect" than I should, and have difficulty saying "no" to people. And, predictably, I will probably always let my tendencies create some stress in my life. I can - and will - work toward being less of a perfectionist, but I wouldn't be me if I weren't at least a little 'Type A'!

THE GOOD NEWS is that I don't have to let these tendencies drive me to eat!!

Sometimes, I think that I can "solve" my weight problems by just changing my personality, or unlearning habits that have taken me a lifetime to learn. HONESTLY? That's not going to happen. BUT I CAN learn to do something else besides eat when I stress myself out (again!).

I can exercise, read, write, draw, listen to music, call a friend, or walk the dog. I can sing, dance, shop, shower, or shine my shoes. There are SO MANY things I can do besides eat. It makes MUCH MORE sense to me to focus on things I can do rather than try to change the past.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • DIDMIS
    Being the oldest child of 7, I can understand where you are coming from. I was the little momma and momma's helper.
    I also liked NEPTUNE1939's comment.

    3458 days ago

    Comment edited on: 2/10/2012 3:30:53 PM
  • HEALTHYSLIM2
    Awesome blog!
    emoticon emoticon
    And I loved NEPTUNE1939's abservations:
    ... "I don't want to help the grim reaper by aiding his cheer leaders - there names are Sat Fat, Chol, Lame Excuse, Refined Sugar, No Exercise, and Processed Foods."
    emoticon

    Right on NEPTUNE1939 and LORIENABANANA!
    Spark on!!
    3458 days ago
  • GERMANIRISHGIRL
    emoticon
    3460 days ago
  • MELLYBEANS0919
    I am reading a great book, "You Can Heal Your Life", which talks about the same thing: letting go of resentment, anger, hurt, sadness, especially in our past. You're right, we can't go back in time.
    I am also a perfectionist, am working on it, I think we can change our thoughts, as you said, and that can make a big impact on things.

    3460 days ago
  • NAIMATANNER
    Right! Up until very recently, I blamed my parents for almost all of the things I wish I were at this point. They were very selfish people who did a very poor job at raising us. They did not foster our growth and development, and even tried to hinder it in many ways. But like you, I have realized that I can't change the past. It doesn't make sense to live in the past and with regret. I try to look at it in a positive way with my family now. Since I know what NOT to do, I can break the cycle of emotional abuse with my family now and make sure my son and stepchildren are encouraged and always feel loved. Also, I see how being upset about my past causes me to binge eat. If I continue to emotionally overeat, it's like allowing my parents to harm me as an adult. The reality is that we are all in control of our actions and lives now, and we can love and foster ourselves :)
    3460 days ago
  • IMREITE
    I noticed that fear prevents me from reaching a lot of my goals. my hubby also has issues with getting stuck in the past preventing us from continuing on.
    3460 days ago
  • NEPTUNE1939
    Scripture wise we are taught to bury the dead. Our past is dead and we are given another day to renew our challenges. At 72 my focus is to live a healthier life style - I don't want to help the grim reaper by aiding his cheer leaders - there names are Sat Fat, Chol, Lame Excuse, Refined Sugar, No Exercise, and Processed Foods.

    Type A personalities have a "can do" attitude. Go type A, Go! Earl
    3461 days ago
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