Yes, I am cheating....I can't believe I am posting this here for all to read....Please before you judge me, let me start at the beginning.
I have been overweight for years, It's not something I get all excited about and talk to people about, but it is what it is. It started back in high school I suppose, I was 160 lbs or so, really curvy with a large chest that often made me the butt of a lot of jokes. Anyway, upon becoming pregnant with my oldest child I gained close to 40 lbs, lost all but about 7 after I had her and then found out I had cancer. I gained 50+ lbs during chemotherapy and radiation. Radiation also damaged my thyroid and possibly chemo did too. I got healthy again, lost 40 lbs and was feeling amazing. That is when my marriage began to unravel and about the time I got pregnant again. I gained 30 lbs or so with that pregnancy, had my daughter and fell into depression over the state of my marriage. It wasn't pregnancy or birth related, it was because of the issues in my marriage. I gained another 40 or so lbs tipping the scales around 230. Then I had enough and I committed myself and lost 60 lbs! I felt amazing, worked out all the time, ate great, and then my marriage whole-heatedly fell apart. I got divorced and shortly there after I got remarried. Fast forward 10 years, I have had 3 pregnancies in the last 9 years, one resulted in my son who is about to turn 8, the next was a miscarriage not a year later, and the last was a set of twins born 6 weeks premature 2 months before my son's 2nd birthday. I was at my heaviest during my pregnancy with the twins, pushing the upper 250s and mortified about my weight. But, I was on best rest and retaining a ton of fluid. I figured I could get back on the horse and lose the weight once they were born. HA HA HA HA HA who has time for that?
Okay, so the twins are 6 now and at one point five years ago I did lose 20+ lbs but then I put it back on and then some. Pushing the scales at 250+ again I decided enough was enough and started to exercise by walking through my house. I fell in love with Sparkpeople and have been a loyal follower ever since. I haven't always been great about following all of Spark's advice, but I have always come here and only here for advice on recipes, weight loss, and exercise. THEN my husband's employee insurance suddenly said I'm fat, no I'm obese! What business is it of theirs what the hell I weigh??? Now all of a sudden I am required to either use a pedometer or go to Weight Watchers (WW). Since I use an elliptical and they are not accurate for use with a pedometer I opted for the WW. I have been going for just over 3 months and really haven't lost much...I guess I was being defiant on some level as if I was sticking my tongue out at WW and my husband's insurance for saying I "HAVE" to do this. I still tracked my exercise and calories with Spark but I was attending weekly meetings with WW. Then I got a free two week pass to WW etools...yea right, as if I need that; I have Spark.
Well, I had to renew my WW to get more vouchers and I realized in 13 weeks of meetings I really haven't made crap for progress which is defeating not really defiant. So I decided to change my meeting to a different one that would keep me more accountable. It has more people at it, it is midweek and in the middle of the day so it's not like I can skip breakfast and hope for a good weigh-in anymore. I also decided to stock up on some WW snacks which I have found some of them are REALLY good. All this time I haven't really been following the whole Points Plus crap, I've been sparking along here with my calories. The whole conversion thing that has nothing to do with calories confuses the hell out of me frankly. So I broke down and bought a PointsPlus calculator, a clicker to track how many I have and have used each day, and I checked out that free trial of etools. This brings me to where I am now....a CHEATER! I don't like a lot of the aspects of their website; it is nowhere near as motivating as Spark is, but for the first time in years of off and on dieting, yesterday I was UNDER my sodium for the day. Since I have high bp which I take two meds for this was HUGE! I am going to pay the 14.95 a month once my trial runs out because I do like the PointsPlus method and it is working for me the last two days. I still check my calories here and I am staying within my ranges, so I don't know why I'm cheating on you Spark, but it sure feels like I am.
Can you forgive me? Can't I have you both? ..... I think I need you both and I think I deserve you both! Won't you help me?