Day 27....utterly depressing
Monday, February 27, 2012
Why is it that you can be in a room full of people and feel completely alone? I've been doing really good with eating, fairly sure I lost a decent amount of weight again this week & will know for sure tomorrow as it's weigh in day at WW. I'm not worried and am a little excited about that, so why do I feel so down? My homework is done, none due now till Thursday and I had finished this weeks on Saturday..reading next week's work ahead so I don't fall behind, it was really nice to not have any homework at all on Sunday or today. I did a little classroom discussion anyway because I literally had nothing else to do other than housework & my 2nd oldest had her boyfriend over most of the day. That was a first for us, having a "boyfriend" in the house, sure had plenty of boy friends over but never one that was "going out" with my daughter before. It was nice, I like the kid and he understands that I'm a protective parent and knows he will not be alone with my daughter because of that.
As for the utterly depressing I was sitting here about bed time for my children and waiting for my husband to stop playing video games and help me put them to bed. Yea, well he couldn't be bothered to get off the game system and change a light bulb upstairs so I told my girls to get me a light bulb and a step stool and meet me upstairs. Only after I had gone to do it myself did he bother to pause the game and come and help. I'm tired of being the only one who notices the rift in this relationship. I told him flat out I had a problem with how this was working between us and he said he doesn't see it that way. Um doesn't it take two to make a couple work? If one says it's not working how could the other one think all could be okay? I know I'm a psychology major and all but I don't think I'm over thinking this. Is it really healthy to not have any friends? He has no friends and does not see this as a problem. I miss having friends and have almost no friends because he makes people uncomfortable by not talking to them. That is a problem in my opinion. The fact that he doesn't think he needs friendships, is that normal? I don't know but the whole thing depresses the heck out of me. He has no hobbies other than fishing and no one besides family members to go fishing with because he has no friends and although I love fishing I have other hobbies...I can't go fishing with him all the time, I have things I want to do and places to go, and things I want to accomplish. I'm not old or retired yet, these aren't the quiet years of my life, and that certainly is not how our children want to live.
How did I manage to do this to myself again? I am married to a man who has almost nothing in common with me, I am miserable, my children are not any happier than I am most days and my husband, well he is okay with that. I don't want to live alone for the rest of my life, but I can't live like this much longer either.