OLD NOTES -
Monday, March 12, 2012
In 2010, my best friend died from Inflammatory Breast Cancer (IBC) and I was so very lost without her. I was mad. My internal rebel was saying, "fleck off, you can't tell me what to eat or drink. I'm going to have whatever I want."
This rebellion caused me to gain over 20 pounds. It took me a year to realize this rebel inside was hurting me. And I know that not only would my friend be sad to see me in this state but I was coming to grips with the fact that, although no longer my friend's, I am my own caregiver. I was not practicing self care.
Now I am on a mission to take care of ME. I love so much in life and have held back because of my size. Sure I play ball, volunteer in the community, walk the dog and work around the yard and house. I am not a hermit. However, if you ask me how many social functions was I invited to over the last 12 months and how many did I attend, the answer would be 1.
I stay away from my friends, family and aquaintances because I am not comfortable at this size.
That is changing. I am changing.
I am here to reamin accountable, track ups & downs, be part of a healthy community, and take care of ME.