BUTTERFLYWINGZ

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I need a shoulder... or two... :(

Thursday, March 29, 2012

Everyone always tells me how strong I am. Under usual circumstances, I am a rock but today I am a mess. My dad is not doing so well - I took him for his pacemaker test yesterday in LA and they told me his heart stopped at 11am on Sunday :( It is dying. His cancer has spread to his bones as well, and he has been having a lot of pain.

This is just too much for me. I'm doing this all alone - moved him 500 miles down here to live close to me (we now live in the same apartment complex I've been managing). On top of that, I am the only one managing 169 units here - it's so overwhelming and lonely. Today, I cracked...

How do I keep going?
How do you mom's do it?

I am not a mom, and yet, I am suddenly taking care of my 91 year old dad who is almost like a child now. It's not really fair for a 40 year old. And my family won't help.

Tomorrow, I will buck up and figure something out, but today is my day to cry.

Sorry for the downer girls - I guess I need some shoulders to cry on.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • MSKIZ69
    Keeping you in my prayers hon--remain strong and blessed!!!
    3299 days ago
  • BUTTERFLYWINGZ
    You girls are all angels... Thank you for your kind words & virtual hugs - they all mean a lot!! emoticon
    3299 days ago
  • no profile photo CD3990357
    It is hard, I understand and know. What a wonderful thing you are doing for your dad. emoticon
    3301 days ago
  • DEE797
    Sending you BIG emoticon Just know that you are there for your Dad and that is what is most important. It is never easy being the child turned parent, but we just do what we can and remain strong while we are with that family member. This is a safe place to let all those feelings that are bottled up out.
    3301 days ago
  • no profile photo CD11848595
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    3301 days ago
  • BECCABOO127
    I am so sorry you are going through a hard time. Sending lots of prayers and warm hugs your way....

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    3302 days ago
  • no profile photo CD11359701
    My goodness. Even under all this stress you're worried about getting US down? Please just know that I'm sending you and your father my prayers.

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    3302 days ago
  • MASRITE
    So sorry to hear about your Dad. Just because you don't have kids, doesn't make you any less sensitive, etc. That's a lot to shoulder on your own. I have to two shoulders that I can loan you any time you need them (my kids will share, promise!). Hope today is looking better.
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    3302 days ago
  • JUDI_CUTIE
    I am so sorry about your bad news Renee. I just lost my father at the end of January. We were very fortunate that he did not suffer for a long time.

    All of the love and caring that you are giving to him will help you live with the eventual outcome. All of the people who are not helping you will have regrets later, but you will not. You will know in your heart that you were a good daughter.

    Be sure to find some small ways to take care of yourself in the middle of all this. As everyone else says, I wish I had better answers for you ... but I am wishing better days ahead for you.
    3303 days ago
  • POINTAFTER
    Renee, it has nothing to do with being strong, being a mom, or a property manager. This is NORMAL. I can tell you from personal experience that is is indeed an overwhelming experience when the child becomes the parent and suddenly life as you know it is upside down.

    I've lost my father, only brother, grandmother who was the matriarch of our family and favorite uncle. You know what? You WILL cry. It's a human response, and you are human. No matter how strong or organized or together you are the loss of a loved one will cause pain. Period.

    Go ahead and vent. Based on these responses there are many that will listen. Get it out of your system and you will pick yourself up and dust yourself off when you are ready.
    3303 days ago
  • TAGSUIT2
    Lots of love and hugs from your sparkfriends!!! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    3303 days ago
  • LOVEALASKA
    Hopefully letting it all out will help... it usually works for me!
    I know it doesn't feel like it today, but you are so strong. Believe it or not, even strong people have bad days :( Try to enjoy all the precious minutes you get to share with your dad, take deep breaths, and just keep putting one foot in front of the other... we're here for you when you need to vent.
    Just another thought, have you considered having home health or hospice come in and visit with your dad? It might sound scary at first, but oftentimes they can be a really big help when it comes to dealing with all of these overwhelming issues.
    Hugs coming your way Chica!
    3303 days ago

    Comment edited on: 3/30/2012 1:01:28 AM
  • MUMU2BIKINI
    I wish I knew what to say. Im sorry my friend...here fo
    r you. HUGE HUGS.
    3303 days ago
  • MSEVERLAST
    You ARE doing it. Some days are just harder than others and today seems like it's that kind of day. I hate those days.

    However, tomorrow you'll get up, because that's what us living people do, you will walk to the bathroom and go pee and start another day once again. Maybe, just maybe, tomorrow will be different from today and it will shed a new light on your current struggles and you'll be able to see things from a new perspective.

    Lots of love to you.
    3303 days ago
  • no profile photo CD11229317
    That sounds like plenty of reasons to be stressed! I am so, so sorry to hear about your dad.

    Unfortunately, I have no good words of advice for you; I just wanted to say that I hear you. And if you need a shoulder to cry on or if you need someone to bend an ear, I'm here.

    emoticon emoticon
    3303 days ago
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