Long Over Due Update...
Sunday, April 08, 2012
It has been a long while since I have updated many things in Sparkpeople and I apologize to all my precious friends that I have made in here. So I am writing to you today to give you a long over due update so you know what has been happening in our life here in Iowa. As you all know my husband has been suffering with his health now for the past 6 or 7 years. Well things have compounded as they found cancer in his liver a year ago this February. This diagnosis sent our world reeling into a frenzy of Oncologists, MRI's, Chemo and Radiation treatments and many trips to specialists over 3 hours driving time away. This sent my anxiety levels into an all time high and I just couldn't concentrate on anything much less weight loss. It became very hard to keep my wits about me and deal with a full time job, doctor appointments and maintain a healthy level of sanity over the past year and half. I gained back all my weight plus more and, on top of everything else going on, our gastroentrologist has informed me I have an existing health risk because of my morbid obesity that could become lethal. He explained that obese people are naturally a higher cancer risk then others but because the condition that my stomach is in has become a matter of not IF I get esophageal cancer but WHEN. He told me I needed to lose 150 pounds "NOW!!" and has not suggested but demanded I have bariatric surgery in the form of a gastric by-pass to get the weight off fast. I was shocked at his urgency and I was scared to death, in fact, I am still having a problem digesting all of this. I have been put on a 1200 calorie diet since January and must be monitored by a registered dietitcian as I have to loose some weight before surgery which seems a little ironic but it is for insurance purposes. I am complying with their wishes and sticking close to the diet and getting about 45 minutes of walking time in each day at work on my breaks.
Some days my anxiety levels are off the charts and I have more problems with reflux on those days. Last week I had it so bad at night like I always have had in the past before I started this diet, only this time it was like non other. I always aspirate the stomach acids when it comes up and this time it choked me down for over an hour in the middle of the night. Every time I tried to cough it out of my lungs it took my air away...I was literally struggling for my life. The whole reality of what my doctor told me in his office that day came flooding in and I knew it was a "do or die" situation. I have my last evaluation next month and if the insurance company allows this to be done I will be having surgery possibly by June or July. I know how many of you feel about gastric by-pass which was the same way I felt about it but at this point staying alive is my number one priority. I have to stay healthy to take care of my husband and to be there for my daughter and grandbabies. Life has been nothing short of being almost unbearable the past few years so I must do something for me this time. It has been all about my hubby and for my daughter who now is separated from her husband and soon will be filing for divorce...another facet I didn't go into that has caused much upheaval. Some days I feel like I am slowly drowning in a sea of unhappiness and anxiety. I keep telling myself I am strong and the Lord will carry me through and he has thus far. So I am now turning to my extended sparkpeople family for the support that you all have shown me over the time I have spent here. I feel good about making this my first blog back and I know it is nothing profound or supportive but I am desperately in need of help in any form I can get it at this point. Thank you again for listening and for letting me pour out my heart. I have NEVER forgotten a single one of you since my absence from here....how could I because I have met some of the best people on the planet here. I love you all very much!!