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Gym Etiquette 101: Beware Too Much Information

Monday, May 14, 2012



I’m usually not a Sound Snob at the gym, usually my music is so loud I could care less if anyone else is “making noise”….who can hear over Kayne West – Stronger on volume 10 in your headphones anyway. As a matter of fact, the last time I was so rudely shushed for “singing too loud”, I feigned that “What?!?! What you say?!?! I can’t hear you, what?!?!”, pointing to my headphones………the nerve of some people!

But okay today, not having charged my phone fully last night, my phone battery died, leaving me sans music for the last 15min of my morning workout………….thankfully, I ended up being privy to the ongoing gab fest by my neighbor, Cindy to my immediate right……..

Cindy: So yeah I don’t know whats going on these days but im sick of it………
Cindy’s friend: What????
Cindy: I said I don’t know whats going on these days but im frigging sick of it………
(long pause)
Cindy’s friend: You should talk to him about it!
Cindy: I’m gonna start getting some of those little blue pills and start crushing it up in his food!
Cindy’s friend (wearing headphones): What????
Cindy: I think he needs those little blue pills!
Cindy’s friend: Oh! Ha!

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(long pause, and now I’m officially thinking Lady, WTF?!?! I looked at the guy to my left but he feigned not being able to hear anything because of his headphones)

Cindy: Well I could swear I found cobwebs down there the other day, I’m gonna have to do like Julie and find me a part time chimney sweeper…
Cindy’s friend: What????
Cindy: Ha! Forget it!
Cindy’s friend: No, I just didn’t hear what you said?!?!
Cindy: It was a joke!

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(I looked at Cindy and she looked at me like, dude, mind your own frigging business…another pause)

Cindy (changing the subject): Hey have you ever heard of something called Speed Dating?
Cindy’s friend: What????
Cindy: Have you heard of Speed Dating?!?!?
Cindy’s friend (taking off the headphones): What did you say???? Can’t hear you!!
Cindy: Have you heard of Speed Dating? I’m trying to find Andrew a girl to date……
Cindy’s friend: (mumbles something I couldn’t hear)

(......so I took off my headphones)

Cindy: Well Andrew is such a jack ass he will never find a girl, I tell him all the time, Andrew you need to find a girlfriend and get out the house.

(long pause)

Cindy: I got this number for Speed Dating. Somehow it’s setup where you go on like 20 dates but they are like 5 min each.
Cindy’s friend: I saw those ads on tv…

(After a long pause, Cindy brings up her cell phone and dials)

Phone: ring……ring…….ring……..(click) Woof, woof, woof, woof, woof……woof, woof!

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(From the SOUND of the Dog, I could only imagine a gargantuan Great Dane something like Marmaduke)

Cindy (looking at the phone): …………….Hello?!?!
Phone: Woof, Woof, Woof, Woof!! Woof, Woof, Woof!
Cindy’s friend: What is that?
Cindy: I don’t know?!?
Phone: Woof, Woof, Woof! (dog fades out) Rex! Rex! Stop it, quiet, quiet! Err, Hello?
Cindy: Hi my name is Cindy (name withheld to protect the stupid), I was calling about Speed Dating for my son Andrew.
Phone: What????

(I guess everyone is wearing headphones at this point)

Cindy: I was calling about Speed Dating for my son.
Phone: (long pause)……..Ma’am, this is an animal rescue shelter?!?
Cindy’s friend: What did she say???
Cindy: Something about rescuing animals…..(to the person on the phone) This isn’t Speed Dating?!?
Phone: No ma’am …. Woof,woof, woof …. Rex! Stop it! Lady I gotta go…
Cindy: Well do you have the number for Speed Dating, I want to find a date for my son?!?
Phone: (silence)
Some random guy from across the Gym: Hey Lady!!! Ask her if one of the dogs wants to date your friggin’ son!!!
Phone: (click)
Cindy (in a low voice to her friend): People are so rude!!!

Hey Lady, Too Much Information!

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......but at least the last 15 min of my cardio flew by!

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