So, June 8th, (the day i was Done Girl of the Day) was the worst day ever.
I hate that i couldn't enjoy all of the support and admiration! I missed the point of it all!
Let me explain:
I got fired.
Wait...(This may be long)
I had the best boss ever. He trusted my opinions and really wanted to help me advance my career. He was always honest and we were really good friends.
He got a promotion and had an opening!!! So, in March 2011, i got a promotion and the company paid for me to move to a new city and my boss even helped my fiancé J find a job! We found a GREAT deal on a PERFECT apartment and FINALLY felt like adults! We started planning our wedding and when we were going to have kids.
Then my mom (who lives a 10hr drive away) told me she has stage 3 breast cancer...
Sidebar: We (J and I) had moved 8hrs from home to be closer to her in 2006. She has post polio. She couldn't walk for a while and got very isolated and lonely. This is where i found my great job! Mom got better; they (mom and step-dad) moved 10 hrs away in 2009...
Back on track: So my mom has cancer. I didn't really panic, just got all the info and asked to know everything that's going on. Then i got pregnant... Not planned but not bad... We could afford it and had the space for it! We wanted to have kids before J was 30 anyway!
Then my job got hard. I got a promotion where i mainly worked alone and supervised 3 people. But... I DIDN'T GET ANY TRAINING!!! I went from working 7.5hrs a day to 9-10. With a 45min commute. AND pregnant. I WAS TIRED!!!!!!!! Luckily i had a VERY easy pregnancy. Just tired. There kept being more and more i was supposed to do in a day and i had no idea how to get it all done. I got a stern talking to about staying so late to accomplish things... I found out that other people in my position got a lot of on the job one on one training AND made at least $3 more an hour than i did... I asked my boss for training repeatedly. He stopped being the best boss. He got annoyed every time i asked a question. He said i could do the training on my own in my own time. WHAT IS GOING ON HERE! With all this i still LOVED my job. Our numbers were GREAT, i loved my co-workers and they really cared about me. We made bonuses! I cut costs like crazy! We were top in the country for three months in a row! I really really just wanted help figuring out how to fit everything in!
Then i got sick, the flu. When you're pregnant you can't take meds... I was out for two days and out of it the entire time. I e-mailed my boss at 5am the first day to tell him i wouldn't be in and i would call around the time he got to work. He always checked his e-mail at home before going to the office. I called him and everything was fine, i told him later that day that i wouldn't be in the next day either. The day i was back i received a “level 2” warning. As in 3 strikes and you’re out. I was so confused. Apparently i was supposed to call FIRST. Not e-mail. My boss had called my co-workers and they “sounded concerned” (well, i was sick and pregnant, yes they were concerned) But, apparently, i was being a bad influence on the team by not calling in first. Um, OK? So everything went on like normal. Then i got food poisoning... WHILE PREGNANT! that sucked! And again i e-mailed my boss AND called him. When i got back i got a “level 3”... WHAT!??!???! I e-mailed first. I get that, but i called too?!?! Last week my boss was complaining that someone called him super early in the morning. So i e-mailed first!
So I was fired.
This was december 2011. I spent the entire month of January fighting it. I was due in February. Without a job i have no health insurance. Because i got fired i can't get unemployment. And i’m 8 months pregnant.
I couldn't look for a job! J looked and found NOTHING. He NEEDED a better job. He was planning on going to part-time to take care of the baby while i worked since i made more money...
So I had my baby! H is Perfect! And J is Fired! For Tardiness......
In March i start looking for a job. Between January and June, J applied for 1-10 jobs a day and got two interviews. Both he would have gotten if he spoke spanish... Between March and June I applied for 3-10 jobs a day and got ONE callback... for part time... Oh and in April my computer died...
Luckily was had enough savings to hold us until June.
Now the decision to give up. This is extremely hard for me. What do we do? We don't have a car, We live IN chicago and take the train everywhere. We have no one we can move in with except my parents. Who live in a place i hate... but we can live there rent free and find jobs...
So, June 7th we decided that's what we have to do. June 8th i was DGOTD.
I cried the entire day. Sobbing constantly. I haven't lived with my parents since i was 16.
All i keep thinking of are all of the reasons i hate this.
Shall i list them?:
My mom is so judgemental
i don't want her telling me how to raise H
I hate their house
i hate where their house is: 45mins north of a semi major city.
I LOVE being in CHicago and everything that comes with it.
We don't have a car
i get very down if i get lonely
i HATE being stuck in the house
My exercise is walking and running. The only thing that keeps me happily doing it is everything i can see while I'm out! What am i going to look at there? Fields! AAAAAAAAARRRGH!
The three of us will be in the guest room. Without any of our furniture that we have bought over the past two years.
I HATE my moms decorating... its almost opposite mine...
There is no where to put my books, they will go into storage.
I feel like H and I will be my mom’s pets...
I could go in for hours...
While i’m sobbing and trying to make this OK in my mind, J and my mom are excited. J is right, we will be able to save money and they have a pool. My mom thinks i'm not grateful and is getting upset because i’m so upset. My step-dad calls and yells at me for upsetting her!!!!!!!
I feel like everything i have worked toward over the past 12 years is gone.
AND for the past 6 weeks i have walked/run over 50miles and tracked my food and stayed between 1300-1700 calories and haven't LOST ANY WEIGHT!!!!!!!!!!
So there is what's going on with me.
I have been taking the past week to calm down, look at the positives and pack.
Here are the positive things i can come up with:
maybe i can finish school?
live in baby sitter
time to start blogging & crafting again
i’m still looking for more positives....
I still hate this and hate that i HAVE to do this...
Help me out here Spark Friends...
When i'm depressed/stressed i sleep, so i keep sleeping until its too hot to go running...
I haven't worked out in three days. I even stopped tracking my food...
I NEED to stay on track...
And to make me smile: Here is a picture of J & H...
Send me some good vibes and advice please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!