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Worst Day Ever.

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

So, June 8th, (the day i was Done Girl of the Day) was the worst day ever.
I hate that i couldn't enjoy all of the support and admiration! I missed the point of it all!

Let me explain:

I got fired.

Wait...(This may be long)

I had the best boss ever. He trusted my opinions and really wanted to help me advance my career. He was always honest and we were really good friends.
He got a promotion and had an opening!!! So, in March 2011, i got a promotion and the company paid for me to move to a new city and my boss even helped my fiancé J find a job! We found a GREAT deal on a PERFECT apartment and FINALLY felt like adults! We started planning our wedding and when we were going to have kids.

Then my mom (who lives a 10hr drive away) told me she has stage 3 breast cancer...

Sidebar: We (J and I) had moved 8hrs from home to be closer to her in 2006. She has post polio. She couldn't walk for a while and got very isolated and lonely. This is where i found my great job! Mom got better; they (mom and step-dad) moved 10 hrs away in 2009...

Back on track: So my mom has cancer. I didn't really panic, just got all the info and asked to know everything that's going on. Then i got pregnant... Not planned but not bad... We could afford it and had the space for it! We wanted to have kids before J was 30 anyway!

Then my job got hard. I got a promotion where i mainly worked alone and supervised 3 people. But... I DIDN'T GET ANY TRAINING!!! I went from working 7.5hrs a day to 9-10. With a 45min commute. AND pregnant. I WAS TIRED!!!!!!!! Luckily i had a VERY easy pregnancy. Just tired. There kept being more and more i was supposed to do in a day and i had no idea how to get it all done. I got a stern talking to about staying so late to accomplish things... I found out that other people in my position got a lot of on the job one on one training AND made at least $3 more an hour than i did... I asked my boss for training repeatedly. He stopped being the best boss. He got annoyed every time i asked a question. He said i could do the training on my own in my own time. WHAT IS GOING ON HERE! With all this i still LOVED my job. Our numbers were GREAT, i loved my co-workers and they really cared about me. We made bonuses! I cut costs like crazy! We were top in the country for three months in a row! I really really just wanted help figuring out how to fit everything in!

Then i got sick, the flu. When you're pregnant you can't take meds... I was out for two days and out of it the entire time. I e-mailed my boss at 5am the first day to tell him i wouldn't be in and i would call around the time he got to work. He always checked his e-mail at home before going to the office. I called him and everything was fine, i told him later that day that i wouldn't be in the next day either. The day i was back i received a “level 2” warning. As in 3 strikes and you’re out. I was so confused. Apparently i was supposed to call FIRST. Not e-mail. My boss had called my co-workers and they “sounded concerned” (well, i was sick and pregnant, yes they were concerned) But, apparently, i was being a bad influence on the team by not calling in first. Um, OK? So everything went on like normal. Then i got food poisoning... WHILE PREGNANT! that sucked! And again i e-mailed my boss AND called him. When i got back i got a “level 3”... WHAT!??!???! I e-mailed first. I get that, but i called too?!?! Last week my boss was complaining that someone called him super early in the morning. So i e-mailed first!

So I was fired.

This was december 2011. I spent the entire month of January fighting it. I was due in February. Without a job i have no health insurance. Because i got fired i can't get unemployment. And i’m 8 months pregnant.

I couldn't look for a job! J looked and found NOTHING. He NEEDED a better job. He was planning on going to part-time to take care of the baby while i worked since i made more money...

So I had my baby! H is Perfect! And J is Fired! For Tardiness......

In March i start looking for a job. Between January and June, J applied for 1-10 jobs a day and got two interviews. Both he would have gotten if he spoke spanish... Between March and June I applied for 3-10 jobs a day and got ONE callback... for part time... Oh and in April my computer died...

Luckily was had enough savings to hold us until June.

Now the decision to give up. This is extremely hard for me. What do we do? We don't have a car, We live IN chicago and take the train everywhere. We have no one we can move in with except my parents. Who live in a place i hate... but we can live there rent free and find jobs...

F***.

So, June 7th we decided that's what we have to do. June 8th i was DGOTD.
I cried the entire day. Sobbing constantly. I haven't lived with my parents since i was 16.
All i keep thinking of are all of the reasons i hate this.
Shall i list them?:
My mom is so judgemental
i don't want her telling me how to raise H
I hate their house
i hate where their house is: 45mins north of a semi major city.
I LOVE being in CHicago and everything that comes with it.
We don't have a car
i get very down if i get lonely
i HATE being stuck in the house
My exercise is walking and running. The only thing that keeps me happily doing it is everything i can see while I'm out! What am i going to look at there? Fields! AAAAAAAAARRRGH!
The three of us will be in the guest room. Without any of our furniture that we have bought over the past two years.
I HATE my moms decorating... its almost opposite mine...
There is no where to put my books, they will go into storage.
I feel like H and I will be my mom’s pets...
I could go in for hours...

While i’m sobbing and trying to make this OK in my mind, J and my mom are excited. J is right, we will be able to save money and they have a pool. My mom thinks i'm not grateful and is getting upset because i’m so upset. My step-dad calls and yells at me for upsetting her!!!!!!!

I feel like everything i have worked toward over the past 12 years is gone.

AND for the past 6 weeks i have walked/run over 50miles and tracked my food and stayed between 1300-1700 calories and haven't LOST ANY WEIGHT!!!!!!!!!!

So there is what's going on with me.

I have been taking the past week to calm down, look at the positives and pack.
Here are the positive things i can come up with:
maybe i can finish school?
live in baby sitter
saving money
time to start blogging & crafting again
fresh air?

i’m still looking for more positives....
I still hate this and hate that i HAVE to do this...

Help me out here Spark Friends...
When i'm depressed/stressed i sleep, so i keep sleeping until its too hot to go running...
I haven't worked out in three days. I even stopped tracking my food...
I NEED to stay on track...

And to make me smile: Here is a picture of J & H...



Send me some good vibes and advice please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • TRACYZABELLE
    The positives-- Just look at the life you have with J&H-- how much more blessed can you be-- things will fall into place!
    3279 days ago
  • ANNESYLVIA
    OMG! And I thought Murphy's law got the best of me these past few weeks. You got me beat.
    However, this will pass continue looking at the bright side. J and H are right there with you by your side. Home is where the heart is.

    Best of luck!
    3281 days ago
  • PNKLDY74
    We live in southern Illinois (extreme southwest part). This area has been the poorest part of the state. There are a lot of ma and pa businesses (that employee maybe 5 people each...give or take) and about a handful of bigger businesses. Between May and July 3 of those places are or have been shut down. This effects a HUGE majority of our 2 little counties here. It's not just a "knowing at least 1 person effected"...it's knowing MANY of them and that includes family members. To find another job people will have to either drive an hour or more to get there or move. Some will move but they hate the idea because they want to be where their families are. In some cases it's not an option because they have to care for a family member (like aging parents). It's never an easy thing when a person loses their job or many due to a shut-down of a business, but around here just one place shutting down hits the area (including the little ma and pa places) really hard and here we are facing 3 HUGE hits all within in 25 mile radius of one another. Something like this can cause a lot of those little businesses to also go out of business.

    My brother is a single dad to a 2 year old and has been battling for his daughter since she was born (the mom has a bad drug problem). He has his bills, ongoing attorney fees, not to mention the money he has to pay for child support and still pay for gas to go get his daughter and take her back (it's a 5 hour round trip just to pick her up...plus another 5 to take her back). He is stressed enough just trying to pay his bills (attorney is not cheap and takes a big chunk of his income), plus the stress of trying to get custody of his daughter (the court dates keep getting rescheduled due to his ex and her attorney; which she doesn't have to pay for)...NOW he's losing his job due to one of the big shut downs! He's a very independent person and does not like the idea of having to move in with anyone but that may turn out to be his only choice for awhile. He has already said he would go to college for awhile and try to get something under his belt to hopefully make it a little bit easier to find a job however around here that's still going to be difficult. If it weren't for his daughter he'd move away but it's just not an option right now.

    One person posted here about getting their masters and still finding it hard to get a job. I have a sister-in-law who worked hard to get her Masters in Social Work and that was nearly 10 years ago. She's never been able to get a job in that field. They moved away from here to the Champaign, IL area in hopes of that helping but she still never found work in that field. Her and her husband worked at a Walmart for several years before she was able to get a position as a Pre-K teacher.

    I'd like to say too that stress can come off as being ungrateful at times. I was dealing with some stuff one time and was majorly stressed and I was called out as being ungrateful. Thing was, I was VERY grateful...but my attitude (sound of my voice when responding to things...) came across as totally different because of how stressed I was. We don't mean for it to happen but when you are faced with a lot of trials and especially at the same time, we just don't thing about how we are coming across. Maybe talk to your mom about things. As far as the decor...maybe she'll let you do the guestroom up in a way that is more you; something that can easily be made back to her taste once you guys get a place of your own again.
    3284 days ago
  • HIKELUV
    I hear you about living with the parents. When in my 20s I went back to my cheating husband rather than live with my dad (I eventually divorced the husband).

    This economy is rough. I finished my masters in elementary ed a year ago, and haven't been able to find a job in the field - there are too many out-of-work teachers with lots of experience. To make things rougher, my husband was laid off in March. Keep in mind that MANY folks are having to make rough choices right now due to unemployment or under-employment. India.Arie has a song called "This Too Shall Pass." I know she's not talking about our circumstances, but I hear that song in my head when things get hard to handle.

    You and your family are making tough choices. Know that this is temporary and that better things are ahead. Chicago isn't going anywhere. Also, life may have even grander, more wonderful experiences in store for you and your family - you just can't see what's coming yet.

    Look for the blessings. Maybe it might have been hard for your mom to bond with your baby living hours away, and this brief (hopefully!) time of living with her will give her and the baby an opportunity to bond.

    It's not ideal, but being unemployed does open up possibilities for family time. When my husband and I were working full-time we didn't have much time together, or with our daughter. This summer feels a bit like a (rock bottom cheap) family vacation. My daughter is on the edge of her teen years, and I think this time as a family might help us navigate the teens a little easier. We definitely feel closer.

    Good luck with the move, and exploring what life has in store for you.


    3284 days ago
  • FIERCE_FABULOUS
    I giggled as I read your reasons for dreading going to live with your mom. Sounds like my mom... especially the part about the home decor, LOL! Things happen for a reason. Look at it as an opportunity for bigger and better things. This will give you a chance to save money and plan for the future (which will be better and way brighter). Your resume will be kick a$$ with all of your past experience. So there IS a job that is just right for you out there. Don't give up. =) I remember back in 2006 we had a house fire and me and my husband moved in with his uncle's family while our home was being rebuilt. It was MY idea to move in with them instead of getting an apartment paid for by the insurance. My husband was injured, and with him not being able to work, and we STILL had to pay the mortgage every month, there was no way my measly check could cover everything. I HATED living with them. They complained about how their water and electric bills were more expensive, they hated when I cooked in their kitchen. I remember one time, I put leftovers for my husband in the fridge and his uncle went in the kitchen, and threw the food away! emoticon And my husband was not able to feed, bathe, or clothe himself either! I was furious! And WE couldn't wait to get the HELL outta dodge!!! But, we had to sacrifice to survive. That is what life is about. Good luck to you sweety. Nothing in life can ever be planned out. Stuff just happens. It is the bittersweet irony of growing older and wiser. -=) emoticon
    3284 days ago
  • no profile photo CD12351332
    You deserve all the good vibes I can possibly muster! This may be a very rough patch but things have a way of working themselves out, you just have to stick it out long enough. Until then keep blogging and using SP for support, we'll be here for you!!
    3284 days ago
  • HAPPY_HEART_JEN
    Keep you're head up. Sometimes things happen the way they are supposed to not how we want them to. Often greater gifts come that way. Just try to take care of yourself, J, and, H. Sending positive thoughts your way!! emoticon
    3284 days ago
  • KETOQUEER
    Here from the Done Girl Team: Wow, that's a LOT of things you've had to deal with the last few months, no wonder you are tired and stressed and needed a cry! There's no shame in that, be gentle with yourself while you're going through all this, it's okay to be upset about things not going the way you hoped, just remember that it's part of the journey of your life, not the end destination.
    3284 days ago
  • no profile photo CD12565589
    I am so sorry you're having such a difficult time right now. I have worn the same pair of shoes that you're wearing now, and I know that there is nothing I can say that will make it better *right now.* However, please know that this is temporary!!! You will get back on your feet again, and you will have a place to call your own again, too. Blessings to you and your beautiful family. emoticon
    3285 days ago
  • no profile photo CD11169568
    Some things we think may be the worst thing ever, can turn out to be a blessing. Some people are so fake, sounds like your boss was. Happy you have a little one to make you smile!
    3285 days ago
  • TIHAITIEN
    I'm sorry your going through some hard times. You have a great man and a beautiful baby. You have two people that will hug you, kiss you, listen to you and love you all you want. Hard times can be an opportunity for growth. You already know how your mom's personality is so work on ways to keep it from getting to you and concentrate how to make your at her home stay a short one. Everything will work out because you are determined.
    3285 days ago
  • AUDISP
    You have a couple of great things going for you. A handsome caring guy, a beautiful baby, and parents that love you enough to let you live in their guest room.
    As much as it is a cliche, start small by counting your blessings, I think you may have already done that, so keep a gratitude journal. That may help with the stress. Stress will slow down your weight loss even if you are still exercising.
    Can you sit down with your Mom and explain how you are feeling? It's probably as hard for her to see you this way as it is for you to be that stressed.
    You will get through this and be better for it. emoticon emoticon
    3285 days ago
  • SHRINK_U
    I know from experience how difficult it can be to have to move back in with the folks for very similar reasons. In the end my mother and I became closer than ever and she really helped so much with my small children. The kids and her have a bond like no other.

    I am so sorry that nothing seems to be going right.

    Sending good vibes your way::::::::::


    3285 days ago
  • no profile photo CD5123123
    I know how difficult it must be to have to move in with your parents, but it is only temporary. On the positive side, you have a family that loves you and is willing to help. As uncomfortable as it is for you, I am sure it is not easy for your mom and stepdad to have adult children moving back in either. As much as you feel your mom is being judgmental and interfering with the way you want to raise your son, I am sure she is only trying to be helpful (even if it may not seem that way).
    I moved out of my mother's house when I was 17, married with I was 18, divorced at 20, and had to move back when I was 22. I HATED it, my mom HATED it. But I was able to move out again on my own just a year or so later. My mom died when I was 25, what I would give to have her back. She never got to meet my (second) husband, never got to meet my son ...
    Be thankful that you have a family that loves you and is there for you.

    3285 days ago
  • MISSROCKABILLY
    I'm so sorry that you are going through this...that is a whole lot to have on your plate. I know how stressful it can be dealing with parents, even as an adult, so come here and vent whenever you need to. I would suggest making yourself a schedule--not just for exercise, but anything else you need as well, like looking for work, going to the park, eating at set times, and stick to it. I find that helps me keep on track even when I don't want to.

    I wish I had more advice for you, but I am sending lots of good thoughts your way.
    emoticon

    P.S. Cute boys you've got there!!
    3285 days ago
  • no profile photo CD12377922
    Oh girl. You are in a heap of hurt. Let it all out and cry out here everyday if it makes you feel better. I know. I was in the same place a few months ago.
    3285 days ago
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