For a long time, I have watched other people post and celebrate and blog about crossing into Onderland territory. I wondered what it would feel like when (and if) I ever got there.
Well, I am here now! And I have to say, I wasn't expecting such a wide mix of emotions. Pride, excitement, joy... All those I expected. But regret? Sadness? Shame? Where did they come from???
I have to believe that those negative emotions are a lie. They do nothing to help me and will ultimately hinder me if I accept and own those emotions.
I have been part of Spark, off and on, for several years. I regret that it took me so long to get here. But then I realize that life hasn't been easy since I started Spark. There have been health issues, surgeries, bankruptcy, we moved three times, struggled with finances, and dealth with family issues. For the first time in a long time, I have had the time and energy to focus 100% on me and my goals. Regret over time lost isn't going to help me move forward.
Shame. What a lie that is. Shame wants me to feel embarrased that I just lost enough weight to come in under 200 lbs. Shame wants me to feel inferior compared to other people, and to be embarrassed to stand next to my husband. What a life killer shame is! And shame always wants to bring his friend, Sadness, along to any situation. They are like the dynamic duo of destruction. Where one is, you will always find the other. They desire nothing more than to simply keep me stuck in one place.
I realized that it's my choice. I can either choose to entertain regret, shame and sadness, or I can choose to be joyful, excited and proud of my efforts. I have worked hard. I have made a lot of breakthroughs over the past 9 weeks of the BLC. I have changed thought patterns, broken bad habits, formed new healthy habits, and have felt a freedom and joy in my weightloss journey that I didn't have before.
THIS is it! THIS is what it feels like to set goals, work hard to achieve them, and revel in your success. And I have to tell you friends, it feels really damn good!