Big changes on the outside. But I can’t see them.
Tuesday, August 07, 2012
OK. So far I’ve lost 80 pounds since I started this journey in January 2011. I went from a size 24 to 14. I went from being the wallflower to the girl that is sought after. I don’t go a week without receiving a compliment (it’s more like a day, but sometimes I don’t leave the house). My clothes are cheaper. I am stronger. I am happier. I am healthier.
But there is a big problem. When I look in the mirror I see the same person. I can compare photos and notice the difference. I can tell most of my clothes no longer fit. But I don’t see that big of a difference. I still see huge calves, flabby arms, my pouch belly and a huge butt (I actually love my butt). But I still don’t see what everyone else sees, which worries me.
I started this journey to get back at my ex-husband by becoming a better person (which totally worked). But now it’s about reaching the goal I set for myself of 175. Since I’m a very goal-oriented person, I know I’ll reach it.
But I’m worried about what will happen when I reach that goal. Will I still see the almost 300 pound person? If so, will that discourage me from maintaining my loss? Or will it make me want to push myself even further to possibly unhealthy limits? I worry about my distorted view of myself and my intense fear of going back to where I used to be. Should I be worried?