Short Blog ~ The Lunatic will not make me stress eat!

Friday, August 17, 2012

A short blog entry.. I am visiting Spark even though I should be packing and getting ready to leave on a road trip. My guy emoticon and I are heading to grandson's 1st birthday weekend 5 hours away.
It will be wonderful to see him and ArayahGrace.. the trouble is Randy's ex wife of course. We just spent last weekend out of town for my oldest stepdaughters wedding in the mountains.
Beautiful wedding..intimate.. stunning.. romantic. With the "EX" popping up in the middle any moment she had a chance. Her long time guy was there as well.. and for some reason chose to become friends with Randy and I last weekend. Weird..but ok. He's a nice guy. The Lunatic however..not so nice.
She is convinced Randy is still in love with her (they split up 15 years ago). Randy is not however..and has given up even trying to convince her. We have a good relationship-he is kind and honest and I trust him. So its not any jealousy thing.. it is the amazement that this woman does not:
A) have a filter - she just blurts out anything that comes to mind
B) have something else (like her children ie//wedding?) to keep her occupied.
C) have a muzzle.
The Lunatic finds every opportunity to find him... sit with us.. sit at the next table, sit on the table.... I find myself daydreaming about how she may disappear suddenly.. and if anyone would notice. Ugh. I dont like being mean..I really dont but ....
She made a comment to Randys daughter before the wedding.. that it does not matter what my dress looks like as I will still be fat. (She is more like a stick insect-very thin.. not in a good healthy way) At first I was mortified. I was ashamed..and I felt my self esteem drop about 1 million points.
And I surprised myself. I didnt run to Randy and say "Guess what ***** said!" In fact..I didnt even mention it to him at all.
I made myself go look in the mirror.. I had just had my hair cut and highlighted.. I have lost 24 lbs in the last few months. I had my dress made for me-formal and fitted.. and I have all of my own teeth.. and I smiled. I actually smiled at me.
I am not at my goal yet. Nope. I am working on it really hard - and I still can grab comfort food when I am really down. I am not sure if that will ever really disappear entirely.
But instead of eating my feelings the day of the wedding.. I lifted my chin.. stood up straight.. had my hair done that day.. had my makeup done..and walked in with Randy smiling and happy- proud of who I am. Not of who I am going to be... proud of this moment.. at this weight.
This weekend will be another full of weird antics.. but I am no longer allowing anyone in this world.. to have the power to cause me to feel less than great..
I am me.. and despite what the Lunatic thinks- I am...some kind of wonderful.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • MANDY22Q
    I'm also a step mom. to teenagers. I have a five year old with hubby. We could swap ex wife storys all day long. When I was reading it I thought I was reading something I could have written.
    What to do with crazy exs other then choose to ingore their behaviors. hubbys ex loves to point out she was there first. she's the kids mom and that she is also skinner. she's 4"11 about 100 pounds.
    so I can relate to this in a few different ways.
    good job bloging about it and not venting it out at hubby.

    3262 days ago
  • MICHELLE_391
    You are strong! You are healthy! And you can't be knocked off course by an "ex-" She's history! You and your present and future are all that matter now.

    3264 days ago
  • no profile photo CD3802882
    You certainly are some kind of wonderful! You know what else is wonderful? The great dialogue that you had with yourself at the wedding. Learning to love ourselves as we are right now is hard and you are doing a great job!
    3265 days ago
  • no profile photo CD12879398
    Hi - Do NOT, I repeat, NOT, let the lunatic get to you. The comments and delusions are from a jealous woman. You look amazing and I'm betting that she has noticed every one of those 40+ pounds that are not there and has been hearing about how great you look, how happy Randy looks, for a while now so her only option is to try and tear down your self confidence.

    My new husband's crazy ex might be her sister! I'm not a size 4 like she was. And you know what? My husband said he never realized how much he likes a woman who looks like a woman and not a stick (or stick insect!). The lunatic sees it.

    So smile, enjoy how amazing you look, and have a great weekend!
    3266 days ago
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