Wednesday, October 03, 2012
It's been several months since I've been here, and I apologize to all who might have been wondering where I've been or how I've been doing. Visiting SP just got to be too much of a chore that I didn't enjoy, for several reasons, not least the fact that I couldn't get my weight to budge in any meaningful or lasting way (let's call that 10+ lost and maintained over 1+ month). No matter how good I was, it didn't happen. That's still the way it is, by and large. My thyroid medicine got adjusted before I lost insurance (end of September),
Several jobs have passed, as well. This has not been a good year so far, overall. Most recently, I had just started a job last week on Monday, when the very next day I needed to go to the er for low back pain so bad I wasn't sure I could effectively press the gas or brake pedals in my car (which I was driving at the time). The good news is that it appears to be a sprain or pull that I just didn't notice was happening. Yes, I lost the new job.
On Mothers Day, I took mom a cake like I usually do, and the next 2 hours turned into a nightmare that only came to an end (for now) when I went by in mid-June. I haven't been back since, and don't plan on going anytime soon. All of this over a key - the key I have had to mom's house since she bought the place in late 1993, and which was one of the original keys that came with the house (she never changed the locks). It finally got so worn down last year around Thanksgiving that it would no longer open the door. I was accused of getting keys confused, and at one point mom insisted that she never had a key of that sort. It got positively, disgustingly nasty after that, when my half sister felt she needed to get involved as well. This was the day I finally got mom to acknowledge that I needed a new key, and in June I gave her back that key when she refused to come let me in. I did not feel welcome there then, and I don't now. I can't do anything right, ever, over there.
Truth be told, the place has been toxic to me for over a decade, but how do you let go of the feeling that you should get along, and try harder, to get along with your mother?
I'll end this note by saying that it's been a very difficult year for me. I am currently not working, and very stressed about it. It was a temp-to-hire job, and I likely won't be getting any unemployment this time either.
It's the first Wednesday of the month, and there go the test sirens. I wish all of you a great day. I will try to come back here more often, but as of right now, I can't guarantee it. Love to all.