Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Last month I heard from my husband that he have a short term girlfriend much younger than myself, more than 13 years younger of me. I was shock in the first time. I and my husband bringing some ripe mangoes, and I dont know where we are going my husband did not tell me where we are going, he just said just wait and see okay, then we went to the little houses and my husband said to me give that mangoes to Mae. I said to Mae, ahhh your Mae. I heard about her from our friends and she is the one who keep texted to my husband cellphone. The reason why I know she texted to my husband it is because one time my husband done some work and he is busy reading his messages and he give his cellphone to me and I read it. I read the name Mae wants you to visit her house. I said to my husband what house, and who's this Mae name? Then I found out that he been cheated me for a year. Then I was surprise that we give her a ripe mangoes when our mango trees full of fruits, I still hold of my emotions and be nice to her. I said to Mae the gf of my husband, ahhhh you are the one who keep texted to my husband. Mae response to me, I am a Virgin Mary not you. I dont like you. Then my mind was blank, I forgot what I feel inside me. Then when we reach home, I fought my husband because my emotion-ed gone back to me again. I was very upset to my husband and I cried and shouted to him. Its painful to me because he been cheated me for a year and I just know it, and he dont want me to do the same to him. Plus I can not do it such thing too, I say it because I was very upset to my husband.

Later on while I was talking and tears all over my face. I realize that I am lucky compare to Mae. Because first of all, I have a house, I have farm, I have money in the bank, I have my husband too. My husband said to me he wont leave me because of her but if I keep giving him a problems he will leave me. I realize to myself, do I survive without my husband? To me its not, I still need some body to love me and care for me. I love my husband no matter what happened woman is not a hindrance to my love and care for him. I can accept my husband of what he is, and all his love and care for me, I treasures them in my mind and heart. I want to love and care my husband tell he died. Little fun for himself I dont mind as long as he wont leave me. I know I can find another one but the years living together to me its a gold. I realize when I took a married vows I promise for bitter and for worst tell death to us part. I mean those words. When I was sick my husband is with me, I do the same to my husband too but that is showing love and care, showing also the married vows for better and for worst. When I was sick in the head my husband care for me, listen to me, and let me drink my medicine and etc. He love and care for me. Then I realize his little side from time to time that I have to accept too, because he is happy. I have to give his happiness to show for better and for worst married vows. I realize too that, what I do I have to be nice with my husband girlfriend. Be friend with her, and knows about her. Because I dont want my husband and I will separate because of the woman only. I said these words to my husband, no matter what happen I dont want you and I will separate. We stuck together forever. My husband said to me too, that we stuck each other Cres. I still trust my husband even though I know he cheated me.

Yesterday, I have a foreigner friend looking for a girl friend. My husband gf Mae is really pitiful when I heard about her family back ground. No money to buy nice clothes and sandals, so I let my clothes and sandals and make ups to be borrow for her date and I gave my make ups to her and lips sticks too. I put make up of her face, and arrange her hair to look her pretty. I do my best to help Mae, because I want Mae to have a better life. Not being a mistress all her life but to be a wife and have a husband called to be her own.

My husband said to me, if Mae no money he will bombom her again and give her some money, but my husband is scared a little bit now because Mae been around with others specially to our foreigner friend too. But I said to my husband please I dont give me the bacteria to transfer of me. Make sure that no bacteria before you touch me or I kiss you. Because its not fair to me if you give me bacteria. Not being fair in my part if I have bacteria from the woman because of my husband cheated on me. I wish I can do the same way but I can not do it. To me, as long as my husband is happy I am happy too. This is why, we have peace and quite living now. My husband open a dollar bank account to me too. Then the other day, I had a car accident, luckily no people hurts. I paid 1100 Can dollar of the damage. I am glad that my husband did not said any bad words. I am so stupid I did not watch on the road and I fix my cat sit, I put cat under the shield and did not watch the road. I learned my lesson now, this is twice happened to me. One is my motor bike, and the 7 days ago is the car. The truth is I am scared a little bit to drive. But I still keep going. Lucky me that my husband very understanding, and he is not upset of me at all. Then he did not asked me for pay him back the money. I am sad too, to loose the money and being on the accident its so hard for me.

Today, my husband and his gf and I met again. Because I took back my dress and sandals that Mae borrowed from me. Then I said to Mae, that I have another foreigner friend looking for a girlfriend too. I wish Mae well and to find her own husband one day. I know she have a hard life, but life is always hard its up to us how to play it.

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    This was posted a while ago and many people have given their opinion and advice so I will say just one thing to you: Cres, protect yourself. Take care of your health and your mind. Protect your investment in your home. You have worked hard and put much effort in your house and farm. Protect your investment.
    2948 days ago
    Wow you sure are a bigger woman in this, i know most ladies could not stand to be near a women who had cheated on with her husband. You have a good heart of forgiveness.
    3119 days ago
    People change over time. She is the best one to judge what she wants out of life. If she wants to leave her marriage, she should leave her marriage. If she wants to stay in her marriage, knowing what she does, she needs to make that choice.

    There are many reasons why husbands or wives stray. It happens many many times without the spouse learning of it, yet those relationships sometimes continue to be strong and happy. You probably also know families where one partner has strayed, they've gone through really rough times, but now they're back together and stronger than ever. Every situation is unique. I am not saying that people SHOULD break their marriage vows. I am saying that they often DO and each couple must deal with it in the way that is best for them. Those outside the relationship cannot answer it for them. If she were saying she wanted out, I'd support that. Instead, she is saying she wants to stay and make it work, so I support that. She knows best what is right for her in her situation.
    3119 days ago

    Comment edited on: 11/29/2012 3:52:10 PM
  • no profile photo CD13272739
    What I say below is based on the obvious fact that you are not ok with this situation and are clearly putting up with it out of the fear of losing your husband. If it were clear to me that you were 100% ok with this and that this is a life choice you have made for yourself, I would wish you well and leave it at that.

    Another part of your vows would have been "forsaking all others".... he has not done this.
    He has disrespected you and the sanctity of marriage.
    You may honour your vows, but by letting him dishonour his, you disrespect yourself and the god you worship.
    For better or for worse does not mean letting your husband go outside your marriage.

    @Casey... I do not disagree that polygamy is in the bible. But will point out that the marriage vows for a polygamist are different to the mainstream vows. Also, polygamy is not a decision made by the husband regardless of his wifes feelings, it is either a family/community custom or a decision made by a man and wife to bring another into their marriage... not a licence for a husband to cheat against his wifes wishes and the vows he made to her.

    3120 days ago

    Comment edited on: 11/28/2012 4:14:24 PM
    Those who talk about 'in the eyes of God' are forgetting that in the bible polygamy is very common. Sarah gave Abraham her handmaid Hagar so that Abraham would conceive a child, for example. There are countless examples.

    Your life is YOUR life.

    You would prefer that your husband not cheat on you, of course, but you cannot change what has happened. The only people who truly know what a relationship is like are those IN that relationship. It would be different if he were beating you as you have to protect yourself. You've told him he has to keep himself clean and I hope you've told him that means a condom always as it would be unfair for him to bring a child into the world with a woman who has no means to support one and unfair to bring disease back to your marriage.

    There are many relationships in the world that include more than two people. If it works for YOU, then it is no one's place to argue it.

    3120 days ago
  • JANDK156
    Cres, I can see from the comments that a lot of people posting don't know much about you and your situation, or your culture. I'll message you.
    3120 days ago
  • NH_MOM
    If you can trust him again and get past Mae then I say go for it. If you catch him again with Mae or anyone else then I think you'd be better off w/o him. Judy is right about God not allowing people to divorce but if one commits adultery(as long as it can be proved) than divorce is permitted. If my husband cheated on me for a year I think I'd tell him to hit the road. In the end you need to do what is best for you.
    3120 days ago
    Your husband has a GF for the past year!! Marriage vows ar sacred but are gone when betrayed. Unless you like the idea of having Mae around you should stand up for yourself.
    3120 days ago
  • DEBANNE1124
    What the others said!
    In my book a marriage is sacred. there's no gf's allowed.
    Or bf's.
    Keep that good attitude.
    3120 days ago
  • GINA180847
    Your attitude is quite mature for the place you live and the life you and others around you live. It would not be appropriate for my life but hey different strokes!
    3120 days ago
    This is such a sick marriage, I think it s a sham, in the eyes of God it is totally wrong for your husband to be doing this. He will stand before God one day like all of us & be accountable . To openly flaunt this is being a mockery to God,.God does not allow divorce however in the Bible it states because of people's hardness of their hearts he gave it up to them. I would run from that marriage like the devil is chasing & gaining on me!!!!
    3120 days ago
  • 1935MARY
    Woo! My vows means everything to me too. For better or worst, in sickness and health. I would stand by my man, if he was, sick ,when he is down, if he lost his job, I would be supportive in things he does, but I would draw the line at an girlfriend. If he wanted to help some one who was less fortunate that would be okay, but not dating them. I may forgive him, but it would take time, and he certainly would not touch me. I would not trust him again. No where in my vows does it say to let him have lovers, and me met them and loan them my things. You are amazing to do this. I would probably cheat too, or act like it. I know this has to hurt you. I think you feel as if you can not survive in the world without him. He doesn't take your wedding vows seriously.He has broke the vows you cherish. He has control of you. emoticon
    3120 days ago
    I'm glad you can see beyond and still have faith in your relationship my opinion --he's not worth it!! And to take you to her house is even lower then low!! You are better then that and you have a right to give him crap--if he says he will leave you for giving him problems....well spouses give eachother problems all the time doesnt mean it's ok to cheat!!! Agggh -sorry drives me mad-- I wish you the best
    3120 days ago
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