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Compulsive Binge Snacker....

Sunday, September 22, 2013

This is probably going to be on the long side and it's also probably going to jump around a lot - bear with me...

Well I don't want to admit it but I have been binge snacking this entire week (today is the last day of our staycation week) and it's obvious.... Scale said 137.0 this morning! I feel like I'm out of control, even when I'm full and we just finished a meal I will just snack on random crap....

I need to get a hold of this - the last time I was even close to this weight I had just joined SP and was 138.2....

I have literally had no self control. We went apple picking up the street from us on Thursday and the after effect has been a down hill slide. Before leaving we bought a dozen apple cider donuts (they r absolutely unreal and seasonal so it's only around this time of year). Before we even got in the car we each had 2! When we went home I made 2 apple pies and a thing of apple crisp - sooooo good but yet oh so dangerous in my house....

Also in the dAngerous category is the bag of mini snickers PB squared hubby has in the fridge and the box of nutty bars he has in the snack cabinet.... I need to get a hold of myself. He shouldn't have to skip out on what he feels like having just because I can't get my sh!t together!

I'm hoping that getting back into my normal schedule will help set me back into a good routine. Tonight is food prep for the week so I will be hard boiling eggs and cooking up those Purdue perfect portions chickens for my lunch salads. Hubby also (is the best ever and) cuts my up a big giant fruit salad for the week - this week we have cantaloupe, kiwi, peaches and blueberries - yummo!! Breakfast I bring a banana and a yogurt w granola during the week.

Part of my biggest problem is I have no real goal/ plan of action. Sure I always want to get back down to my high school weight (108 - yes it seems like a long shot at this point) and yes I always want to see 125 (married weight) and then 119 or I'll even be ecstatic w 129.99999999 but in order to see ANY of those I need to actually try... Not TELL MYSELF I'm trying and then run to the fridge, grab a handful of chocolate something's and then get pist the next day when the scale is up AGAINNNNN emoticon

Another part of this is that I exercise a pretty good amount. Monday - Thursday is 6 hrs total: kickboxing all 4 days and also Zumba Monday and wednesday. I go to 2 different KB studios - one is 15/ 20 mins away and the other is directly across the hall from my office. The one across the hall I team teach with another girl who does some personal training and the Taewkondo stuff too. I mostly do the cardio portion but we usually end up doing a bunch of bag work and some weight stuff.... The weights are not every time but it's faiRly frequent across the hall but we hardly ever do them at the other studio.

Another part of this is there is a-freakin-lot that I don't know about nutrients/ macro/ portion/ fitness/ muscle-wise and it's really frustrating. I've never taken any sort of nutrition classes and I would love to get certified for either KB or Zumba because I seriously love them buuuuuuutttt 1) it's rediculously expensive 2) it's very time consuming and my week is already busy busy and 3) I feel like I don't have enough background knowledge to back up a cert. - almost like I can't live up to it maybe??

Idk - I have a lot of doubt about a bunch of crap and maybe that's why I feel like I can't get out of my own way. I can never get myself to truly 100% commit to anything I have been trying. Even though I do 6 hrs m-th I do absolutely none during the wknd. I find myself exhausted all week long (and I know I am not sleeping / going to bed early enough) and then I find myself super depressed about how crappy I have been doing - its a vicious cycle that's been going on for a while... But I will say that I had been taking the same Zoloft dose for 11 years and I finally talked to my doctor this week and she upped my dosage. So hopefully that might help??

Moving on....

We have been moved into our new apartment for a little over 3 months and there has been sooooo much that's happened! Most recently is we just traded my car up for a new 2013 Subaru Legacy - decked the eff out emoticon light leather interior, both power heated seats moon roof, xm radio, digital screen, shiny new black paint n spoiler - its friggin sexy I must say. Back track to the end of July and we got a motorcycle! We bought a 2004 Harley Davidson Sportster 1200 - found it locally on Craigslist - went to meet up to check it out and it turns out to be a kid I went to middle school with way too many years ago. Fast forward to last wknd.... He and his gf have moved into the apartment above us! I still think its so crazy how things work out like that. We also got a kitten at the end of July! He's an orange tabby - he's all tiger stripey and absolutely adorable!

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Lots of changes! Sounds great! I just read an article that you might like and may apply to your apple doughnut dilemma.
    I just happened to read that and then read your blog, so it reminded me a bit of it. Maybe it will help?
    2782 days ago
    I don't know why we sabotage ourselves? I sometimes feel like maybe I don't deserve to be the way I know I can be. I know that doubt is a voice in our head telling us we can't do it. We can tell doubt to kiss our A** because we are going to do this! We are more than capable and need to stop beating ourselves up for messing up. When we fall down get back up again and keep on going...
    2783 days ago
    Snacking is very hard on things! I think you are right, making a serious effort to educate yourself on nutrition would really help you in those moments of reaching for something your body doesn't actually need. Thanks for sharing your struggle, I certainly relate!
    2783 days ago
    Eating binges can feel like being in quick sand sinking down further and further. Glad you recognize what is happening as you get back on track. We can not change what happened only what we are about to do.
    2783 days ago
    I have been there many times too, Girlfriend! Just do your thing. It just feels better to eat clean. You can never out exercise a bad diet.
    Wishing you the best Spark Friend!
    2783 days ago
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    I never could control my appetite til I did low carb. 210 pounds gone now, from 325 to 115. Getting over carbs got me over being fat.
    2784 days ago
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