Could that be me?

Friday, November 08, 2013

So I think it's time to put out there into the cosmos what made me finally recommit to this weightloss struggle and mean it. This summer my company did their company picnic at a local amusement park. So that day my husand and my son and I drove an hour and a half to the amusement park for a fun day of rides. What I didn't know was this day would not be fun for me and would turn out to be a huge eye opener on the woman I had become.

It was around 90 that day and the park was packed with people enjoying themselves. From the moment I started my day with the walk from the car into the park, and then walking to the rides and standing in line I knew this wasn't going to be the day I had thought. I was tired and my legs and feet hurt, my clothes were stuck to me, my cheeks were red as a beet, I could barely breath and I was pouring sweat. While I looked around at most everyone else who sure they were hot, they looked fairly normal, then look to me and I look like I just ran a marathon and am struggling to just continue standing there.

But if all this realization wasn't bad enough...the true aha moment, the true wow look what you've become, the moment when I knew I could no longer live the life I was living came when my husband said he was going to go back to the car for something he had forgotten and it was just my 3 year old and I. I took him to ride a train ride, just a normal train that putters around the tracks. He was so thrilled to go ride the rides, and as I'm waiting in line he sees that the trains seat 4 people so he gets even more excited that I can ride with him. So as we get to the front of the line and climb into the train car for our turn I realize there are seat belts, but they look fairly good size no biggie, until I try to put it around me and it is a few inches short of closing, and the employee running the ride says I can't let you ride without being buckled in. So since my husband had gone to the car, and I couldn't fit, my son had to ride the ride by himself, alone.

As I stood at the exit waiting for my 3 year old to get back from taking this train ride alone I was filled with complete and utter shame for the first time in my life. I thought..."Could that really be me?" All day long my husband had rode with my son, I had been barely able to tolerate the heat and be there with them, and then I had to watch my 3 year old ride alone because his mother was too fat to ride with him. I was broken hearted to learn that not only had my weight limited my life but now it was limiting my sons life and obviously had also limited my husbands as well because he was being short changed on a wife who was happy and confidant.

That was enough for me. I wasn't going to hold the people who were most important to me back ever again and I was finally going to stop short changing myself. So that's why I'm here now, trying to be the mom my son deserves to have, the wife my husband deserves to have beside him and the woman who can live a happy healthy life and not worry what rides she can take and which ones she can't.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I don't know how I missed this blog, but clearly I did.

    I'm so sorry! My heart broke right along with yours as I read your words. I've been there, too.. those moments full of pain, embarrassment and shame. It took a lot of courage for you to be able to share it with all of us, but I'm so glad that you did. It not only lets you get it out there, it lets others know that they aren't alone.

    Good for you for taking a stand and setting forth a plan to get healthy! You took a negative and turned it into a positive- awesome!

    You can absolutely do this, my friend!

    2789 days ago
  • BRADMILL2922
    The good thing is that you used that moment for good in the end. It would be really easy to just give up at that point but you didn't! You are making changes! You are living it and you are doing it! As low as that point may be for you, just think of all the high points to come for making your decision to change that may not have come if that hadn't have happened! That was you...BUT NOT ANYMORE!
    2810 days ago
    Bottle that moment up and sip from it whenever you question if it's worth saying no to your cravings, if it's worth sweating out that extra ten minutes. Those are the life moments that give us the spark to stop the destruction that we submit ourselves to. You are stronger than you think, you can do this.
    2811 days ago
    I'm so sorry! I too had a terrible moment at Cedar Point when we got to the front of the line for Millennium Force and JD could fit into the car and I couldn't. It's not that JD is huge, but I thought if he could fit, that I could. But I couldn't, and I cried and was so ashamed. I didn't start my journey with Spark until 6 months later, but I know how you feel girl. And you can do this!
    2812 days ago
    As I'm reading your story I was remembering times in my life where my weight held me back from doing what I wanted too. I haven't been to an amusement park in a long time because I'm afraid I won't fit in the rides I love anymore. I'm so sorry this happened to you but your on the track to a better healthier you! emoticon
    2815 days ago
  • BEHAPPY0201
    I'm so sorry this happened to you, but am glad that it lead you to come here and get started. We can do this!
    2815 days ago
    Admitting that you have a problem (which you have already done) is half the battle. Knowing why you want to make changes and having those be positive reinforcers is the other half. Take care of you, in good, meaningful ways. I am losing weight because I want to, because I want to feel differently about my body. I know I don't look terrible; I get flirted with from time to time even though I am 5'4 and 230ish lbs AND married. BUT I wouldn't want to look at me naked and that has affected my relationship with the only man I want to share my life with; my husband.
    2816 days ago
    Sometimes it hurts when we have our aha moments. Mine was when I couldn't run after my children when they were running towards the road. I didn't want them to get hit and get seriously injured or die because I couldn't save them. YOU CAN DO THIS!
    2816 days ago
    Oh Honey! Been there, done that and bought the T-Shirt. I know that pain! emoticon

    I'm glad you wrote that blog. Whenever you start to lose steam in your journey, go back and read it. Create a small vision board and put a picture of a ride you want to ride on it. You can do it!

    2816 days ago
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