Where in the world have I been?

Sunday, December 08, 2013

It's been nearly a year since I have been on the Spark...and I admit I have missed it. I didn't know how much until I watched my weight climb back up to 180 and began to watch my husband become more and more distant. I started to wonder what happened to me, where did I fall off track? What was I doing wrong? For so long everything seemed to be going right. I admit I lost my focus when I tried being a Beachbody coach (I am no longer a coach btw), my journey lost it's focus on my own fitness as I tried to guide and support others to get a grip on theirs. I lost the joy in my workouts, I lost the joy in my journey, what had been for the purpose of regaining my health, became all about the bottom line and meeting the companies sale goals. That wasn't fun for me. I became bitter against the multi-level marketing approach and I left the company, I felt like a bit of a failure. I stopped working out and started back to working outside of my home.
The job I had was sitting still for 8-10 hours a day, staring at a computer screen and being mentally battered by the clients I was there to serve. I was mentally exhausted and I began to eat and drink my wonder my weight that had gotten as low as 159 began to climb. I knew better I just couldn't stop myself.
Fast forward to finding out I was being laid off from my job, my teenage daughter was pregnant in her junior year of highschool and my husband had taken to locking his phone and barely speaking to me...and I was pretty much at rock bottom.
Then a good friend called me. She'd always been my fitness mentor and the person I looked up to the most because she showed me time and time again what a strong fit, capable woman was. We hadn't talked in months, I'd been avoiding her and come to find out she'd been avoiding me. Her dad was diagnosed with cancer, she was a mess, though she was still training folks (she's a personal trainer), she'd gained 50 lbs and she was wallowing deep in shame. She called me because she needed support, she needed to get back on track and she needed me to help her. We talked about everything that had happened with us and we laughed about how we both were guilty of avoiding the other because we weren't yet ready to face our truths. We agreed to get ourselves together, and we set our goals for the weeks to come.
My first step even before heading out to the gym was to get back to Spark. This site saved me before, it helped to keep me focus, the support I found here was immeasurable and the support I was allowed to give to others was invaluable. I am climbing back out of the pit, I am planning that this is the LAST TIME I see 180 on my scale. I am claiming my victory right now, because where I have been is not a place I ever want to visit again.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    This blog i can relate to because I have let myself get off track and I couldn't regain focus, all because of my own lack of self control. I see that you're regaining yours and I'm getting mine back too. emoticon Sorry for hubby being distant and what you're dealing with, with your daughter. I hope hubby comes around and I know things will get easier for your daughter!!
    2710 days ago
  • CODYG123
    emoticon ... It's never to late to get on the right track to healthy. And I agree Spark helps with the focus.
    I hope 2014 is far less stressful.

    2712 days ago
  • no profile photo CD3248497
    Girl I had no idea what you were going through!!!!! Thats a lot for someone to deal with. Im slowly making my way back to spark & need to post my own blog. But you hang in there. The great thing about Spark is that it's a great place to get things off your chest. Stay strong! And youre doing the right thing by taking care of you right now b/c you're going to need all your strength.
    2712 days ago
  • no profile photo CD6329775
    You have been through a lot this past year or so.
    Honesty is a great step on this journey that has to be repeated over and over. A good reminder to myself to continually face who I am and how that differs from who I think I should be.

    Have a great day......
    2712 days ago
    Welcome back! (Though, I only just came back myself... but whatever... lol)

    You have had a hell of a year, but you're here, and you're making the right moves. Like the saying says (and I'm paraphrasing, but still), our greatness isn't measured by whether we get knocked down, but by how hard we fight to get up.

    You've got this. emoticon

    2713 days ago
    WOW a great blog, you can do this girl, you have been through a lot and now a new beginning is here for you.

    2713 days ago
    so so so true
    2713 days ago
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    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.